Dr. Phil has a lot of good books and very easy to read and understand. I would try to check on some of them. I have a few but they are on a different topic. She should try to meet new people at church or other functions to stay busy and make new friends, but I would imagine it is hard to leave everyone especially family.Good luck.

Wow, I just read all the posts. Thought I'd add my comments to motivatedmother. I'm also pregnant at the moment, so I totally understand the hormonal thing, the size thing, work, all of it. Difference between us is that I'm a little older and married to the most wonderful man. That said I'm sure I'm about to make someone angry but here goes...... Actually I thought Asolo's comments were not mean but helpful and to the point. It may not be something you want to hear at the moment which is another thing. This is a bad situation you're in. I'm sorry, but if you are living at home at this age, and with 3, almost 4 children, your parents are indeed supporting you. You should be grateful for that and acknowledge them for it. They don't have to do it but they do because they love you and your children. If you wanted a marriage like your parents, it was possible, but you chose the wrong person. Actions speak louder than words and you should have chosen someone who is actually in the process doing things to achieve the life you want to live, like an education, greater job responsibility, and so on. Any adult man who plays video games is a HUGE clue on his emotional and mental maturity. Adult men who are emotionally and mentally mature spend their time with their families or doing things that will otherwise benefit the family. They are committed to their family FIRST. I don't mean to say they don't have hobbies or interests of their own because of course everyone does, however, video games as an adult man's "hobby" would be alarming to me. Video games cost a lot of money and take up a lot of time, time away from family. They are a great way for adults to avoid spending time with others, isolate yourself, or to zone out of/avoid reality. I think your husband spends his money on HIS wants (vs needs) because he's immature, another HUGE problem. He is not focused on you or the baby, or the other three children you have. He's focused on himself. This would be very alarming to me. Your parents are in an awful position and I feel for them. They obviously love you and your children and want to help you. From your husband's perspective, they are great because they support him and this relieves him of responsibilty towards you and even himself. It allows him to continue to be immature. There's no incentive to change. If he really wanted to grow up, he'd take this golden opportunity to get some skills which he could evenutally use to better his life, your life and that of your children. A mature man would be looking for ways to build a better life for himself, you and your children, whatever way he could, even getting another part time job if that's all that is available. As wonderful as I'm sure your children are, I hope you will not have any more until you are capable of providing for them yourself so they will have the best chance at a better future. You owe them that. That means more than just food and shelter. Are you saving for their future education for example? Are you saving for your own home? Your parents provided a home for you, and you should provide a home for them. Even if you continue to live at home for the rest of your life, and you work and save for them, you have chosen a difficult path. You are now responsible for 4 lives in addition to your own. It doesn't sound like you will ever have much support from their fathers. You have created a difficult life for yourself, not impossible, but much more difficult than it needed to be. Whatever the past was, you have to make today the best it can be so just do it. I think what you are asking here is how you might change your husband to be the man you want him to be. Well, unfortunately that's just not possible. You can only control yourself. You have no control over him. You can suggest, ask, beg, plead, cry, explain, reason, force, threaten, manipulate, or whatever else you want but you will never be able to change him, only he can do that. That's why we must be especially careful in who we choose to marry and have children with. We can't let emotions rule our head. Teach your children this so you won't have 4 children with their husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends, plus all their children looking to you to provide for them. That's a lot of people. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Words are easy to say, but actions actually require hard work and lots of effort. Don't listen to what he says, look a what he does. If they are different what he is doing is who he really is. That will tell you what kind of a person he is and what kind of life you will have. I truly wish you the best in your pregnancy and with the coming baby. I hope you will work all this out, however it ends, and that you are able to improve the situation for yourself, your children, and your parents. Yes, I include your parents in that because since you live with them which makes them part of your immediate family life. You already know everything you need to do, the answer is in your heart.

Thank you DeeMarie, the other half of this is Lisa lives in Scotland - our neighbours at first and then dear, loving friends shortly there after. Her family made us feel like we were at home while away from Canada. As we know at KT, it's not the distance - it's our hearts. This is not such a big world after all. Cheers, Peggy

>>>I live entirely for this man, I love him so much, I work and pay bills and try and make a nice home for us.He sees this in you and you've become a DOOR MAT. You need to ask yourself why you continue doing this when he doesn't appreciate this effort. >>>He tells me "it's not my fault, 5 days a week they're allowed to do whatever they want whenever they want, I can't change that in two days". THat's BS. He's making excuses for the fact that he doesn't want to be a disciplinarian. >>>I think the root of the problem mostly is that he makes NO effert to have any time with me.Again, why are you accepting this from him? So, he tosses you a crumb of affection now and then? He's stringing you along making you starve affection and you're allowing this. >>>He finally calls me later that night from the gym and says "fine, i'll sacrifice a night with my children to be with you".This is a complete deal breaker. Get out of this situation now before you lose yourself completely. I agree with the one poster who mentioned a Personality disorder. He sounds narcissistic and you'll NEVER get anything from someone like this. They reign you in and once they have you, the mask comes off, and in time they will disgard you, unless you rid yourself of him first. It's a game to him and it's one that you will suffer immensely if you don't get out of this. >>>>I feel like he takes me for granted He absolutely does and will continue doing so. >>>When I came back Sunday he's like "hey, you look kinda tense, why dont you have a beer?"Self absorbed. He doesn't give any more thought priority to you as he would pulling down his zipper. >>>"ugh, you're not gonna pull that "im pregnant" excuse on me all the time now are you?" Abusive. How much more are you going to allow him to abuse you? Get out now! >>I am very independant,You won't be for long if you continue to allow this mental abuse. Little by little his words will chip away at your self esteem and will erode it to nothing. Mark my words. I was involved with a woman who had borderling personality disorder and it's not much different. By the time she was through with me, I was suicidal and I'm by no means mentally weak either. Your pregnant and in big trouble here. I hate this for you because honestly, it doesn't just 'sound' like he's an abuser, he really is. Alot of it is disguised in neglect, but make no mistake, he's set this up for you to feel nothing but insecure and jealous in your relationship with him and he will of course blame you for how 'needy' you are, and not at all take responsibility for how badly he treats you. Please, please consult a therapist about this and really do consider getting your own place.