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running away from home?

Posted by maryjo24 (My Page) on
Fri, Apr 7, 06 at 23:45

Do any of you menopausal ladies ever feel like running away from home? I know it sounds childish, but sometimes I just feel like I can't deal with family, work, etc. & just want to say the heck with it, I'm outta here!! Of course, the next day I gain my composure & I'm OK but just sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I am almost 49 years old, no menstrual period for the last 6 months, married, 2 kids & 1 terrific 1 year old grandson. I have a stressful full time job & all that it entails. Sound familiar? :)


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: running away from home?

Every day. I'm going to Europe in 4 weeks (less 2 days) and I've threatened to stay there. LOL I continually tell my husband that I'm going to sell the house and move away because I hate it here. The other night I screamed at him like a crazy person the other night. The whole time my brain is saying, "shut up Debby, it's the menopause" but my mouth kept going. Then I threw a metal hole punch at him. I felt better.... LOL

oh, I should add... the hole punch missed him and got the doorway instead.....


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A friend of mine says that she's looking for a nice cave, outfitted with cable tv and modem. :D


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Nice to know it's not just me feeling this way. Love the cave with tv & a modem idea. :) I wonder what this running away feeling is all about, ya know???


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It's the anxiety that comes with the territory. You want to be alone, nobody around to bug you, talk to you or set you off. You want to get away from all the stress in your life. I get every other weekend all to myself and I can tell you that if I didn't get that, I'd be in that cave with the cable and modem, let me tell ya! I don't live far from the mountains, I'm sure I could find a cave.... LOL


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Boy, can I relate! Menopause and working 6-day weeks during tax season are not conducive to good mental health.


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Yep, me too!
I'm 56 and have a 17 year old and a 19 year old. Oh.....then there's the husband......
I know there is so much I have to be grateful for, but......
There have been so many times I wanted to run away. Then I start fantisizing about having my own room......my own house!
My 17 year old son is a total handful. I think he's got that obstinant/defiant thing going, and I just don't have the energy for fighting all the time.
Oh to have things just the way I want them, instead of constantly a mess or in the wrong places. Everything I do seems so futile. I could go on for hours.........but suffice it to say.........you're not alone!!!


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YES, tonight I told my husband I will have dinner alone in my room. lol

Carla


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Today, for some reason, I want to run away from home & not tell a single soul where I am. I feel so guilty for feeling that way. I do know that I will tell my best friend where I am at if the day should come when I bolt.:)


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Maryjo....
Please don't feel guilty for feeling that way. Sometimes, when I feel awful and overstimulated, I'll actually go into a dark closet and just sit there. It feels soooooo good to have no stimulation at all. I have ADD which makes too much stimulation unbearable at times. But I think alot of us get overstimulated on a regular basis. And it's such a relief to go somewhere where there's not people tugging on us, arguing with us, etc., etc. It sounds to me like maybe you don't give yourself enough "alone" time. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you going somewhere alone (or with a friend if you like), for the weekend. Don't let anyone tell you you should feel guilty for doing something like this.
I think everyone needs little "mini vacations" to sort of "reboot". Can you go away for a day or 2 by yourself?
I've thought of doing that, and going to a nice bed and breakfast somewhere. Why don't you seriously consider doing that? I know most of us feel guilty for doing these things, but they are absolutely necessary. I like to think of it like that analogy about being in an airplane with your kids, and something happens, and the oxygen masks fall down to put on, and we think we should get them on the kids first........but then we pass out because we didn't put it on ourselves! So you have to make sure that you are getting oxygen, before you can be of any help to your family!
It's amazing how much better you could feel, just buy giving yourself oxygen every so often (like going away by yourself for the day or the weekend). Please give it a try.....and quit feeling guilty about it!!!! (((((((HUGS)))))))))


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I am 50 and have a 13 yr. old daughter. Need I say more?
Both my husband and child get on my nerves and recently I find myself wanting to get away from the dogs. The cave sounds good if I have internet access and no bugs.

Carla


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Maryjo24: That's how I feel today. I have so much anxiety, even with the medication I'm on. I'm at work today, and went out to run an errand; I just wanted to keep walking. I'm not mad at anyone, just have this strange feeling.


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I read the want-ads,daily, looking for apartments. I want to be alone!


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jannie, me too! Are we bad people for feeling this way? Do we REALLY want to be alone? Most of the time I only want people around me when *I* want them around. How selfish is that???? This menopause stuff really sucks!


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It's not selfish maryjo24, its SELF PRESERVATION. I don't
want anyone around me when I am short-circuiting. I can barely be around myself..lol..


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Ok, today I want to run away from home. Far, far away. My boss made me cry (waited til I got home), my daughter told me on the phone I'm acting b*tchy, my husband is just bugging me. I wish there was a miracle drug to make me normal again.


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Would it help if you could have a little family meeting and tell your family what is going on with your body and life? When I was nearly insane with this, I sat my husband down and I told him that I didnt want to be this way and that I was going to get help with it. I also told him that I wanted to bash his face in at times! well, it was the truth... if they can grasp the idea of hormonal changes going on within you, perhaps they will have a better understanding..at least try it.


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Do you really think men "get it", though?


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Probably not... some are just better at faking it than others. :D Mine just pretends it's not happening....


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Isn't it wild that that's usually how men deal with things........they DO just pretend it's not happening! Almost wish I could learn how to do that!!


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Me too! I always joke about divorcing my hubby once a month - (which is silly - we're not even married lol!) A few years ago, I was so fed up I actually searched ways to "move" out of state near some other family. (I don't drive due to really bad panic attacks/anxiety). I even called AMTRAK & they sent me a packet of info, which I hid - haha! I literally had my suitcases packed for months!

After many months, I realized the pattern - it happened once a month! My PMS finally reared it's ugly head after all these years - with a vengence!

I remember being EXCEPTIONALLY DEPRESSED and going completely insane at least once a month. Screaming like a crazy. I FINALLY got to recognize it to the point that I could tell hubby to just ignore me for the next day or two, because it's PMS.

NOW, going thru the change, my periods are completely out of control, and so am I! So I can't always pinpoint it again!
Many times I wonder how (why) he puts up with me. I can't even put up with myself!

Thank goodness I was able to figure out what was going on - as I could run anywhere, but IT will follow! HAHA...

I've been going thru this for many years now...I'm tired. I just want it to be over so I can (hopefully) be a nice person again and get on with my life.


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Me too! I always joke about divorcing my hubby once a month - (which is silly - we're not even married lol!) A few years ago, I was so fed up I actually searched ways to "move" out of state near some other family. (I don't drive due to really bad panic attacks/anxiety). I even called AMTRAK & they sent me a packet of info, which I hid - haha! I literally had my suitcases packed for months!

After many months, I realized the pattern - it happened once a month! My PMS finally reared it's ugly head after all these years - with a vengence!

I remember being EXCEPTIONALLY DEPRESSED and going completely insane at least once a month. Screaming like a crazy. I FINALLY got to recognize it to the point that I could tell hubby to just ignore me for the next day or two, because it's PMS.

NOW, going thru the change, my periods are completely out of control, and so am I! So I can't always pinpoint it again!
Many times I wonder how (why) he puts up with me. I can't even put up with myself!

Thank goodness I was able to figure out what was going on - as I could run anywhere, but IT will follow! HAHA...

I've been going thru this for many years now...I'm tired. I just want it to be over so I can (hopefully) be a nice person again and get on with my life.


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mscratch.. I've done this with my husband, sat him down and talked to him, explained that I am not myself at all and did not know when my normal self would check back in. I also made him read a check list of menopausal symptoms and talked to him about everyone of them and how they affect me. This really seemed to have helped. He may not "get it" to the point we experience it (I wouldn't want to wish that on anyone] but he has been exceptional in his behavior towards me and how he handles things which causes me less stress when I am going through one of my spells.
Marli


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Hi all,
I just found this forum. I'm usually lurking in a gardening or home forum.

I'm 50 (nearly 51) and have an 18-year-old son (just graduated HS) and a 15-year-old daughter. Seems many of us here waited until our 30's to have kids. Maybe that's why I'm so tired now! :)

Anyway, I too often feel like just chucking it all and leaving to find a quiet little place of my own. I would just love to accomodate myself and not bother about the others LOLOL and not have to clean up after anyone and above all...not play the chauffer! And yes I'm sure some of it is to do with being menopausal...I'm skipping periods, feeling bloated, have mild hot flashes (more like waves)and would just love to be alone!

I have all kinds of plans to get back to quilting, gardening, learn to knit, get back to music, etc. I love my kids but I'm feeling anxious to get some of my previous (before kids) life back.


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Alygal,
It'll probably be a few years before the kids are off on their own, so my advice would be to at least start one of the interests you expressed at the end of your post. Think of yourself. Make you as important as the others. Make some time just for you. Believe me, it is the hormones working that really make you want to be alone. And you have to answer the call. Even if it means a half hour by yourself doing whatever you want. I read an excellent book recently by Kathleen Brehony "Awakening at Midlife". I got it at the library and loved it so much that I had to buy it. It explained so much of what I was feeling. It really is a time of introspection. It's like you're coming into your own.

Wanda


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Hi all,

Well, I guess I should consider myself lucky that I live alone with my dog. I kicked out my husband (now ex) when I was going through Lyme Disease as that affected my brain and made my crazy. That was 10 years ago and we still talk and sometimes date.

Anyway, I just received the book "Awakening at Midlife" and I think I will take a long detox bath (part of my routine from the Lyme), which is putting 4 cups of epsom salts and 32 oz. of hydrogen peroxide in the warm bath, it's very soothing and for those who need to escape, take a long warm bath, and read this book.

That's what I am going to do right now! Yeah!

Hope everyone feels better,
Denise


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I also like Susun Weed... she has a whole menopausal lifestyle thing going. She's more herby, not very new agey though.


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LOL!!!! I AM NOT ALONE!!!!!!
I felt like I was losing my mind-I didn't want to be around anyone or even have anyone LOOK at me!!! I do have my own room(thank goodness----hubby snores very loudly, can't sleep, so we decided when we built our new house, we'd have our own room--works for us!!!)
Hubby is very understanding about what I'm going through. I had a hysterectomy 10 years ago and he read up on things and even went to the doctor with me. Now with this menopause, he's doing the same thing.
Do any of you also drop things and say silly things???
Whew----I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in this! HAHAHA!!!


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annielu........Gosh I wish I had my own room!!! That sounds wonderful! I do sleep on the couch in our bedroom (I have fibromyalgia, and I just can't sleep on the bed), and so I guess I have my own little space.....which I love.
Sounds like your hubby is really nice to try to understand what you're going through.
I don't say silly things (or at least I'm not aware of them!).......but I can NEVER remember words!! It takes me forever to get things out. It's sooo fwustwating!!!!


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Because of *my* snoring my hubby & I sleep in separate rooms. It works out great....he gets his sleep & I get mine. Our "private times" are still going strong also!! LOL


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hi im emma, i have only just become a member so this is my first posting, i came by this forum by feeling pretty awful today (by the way im 51, widowed at 37 and remarried 2 years ago) and surfing the net for a menopause forum and here i am, first step!! well yes i do feel like running away quite frequently infact its the continuing frequency of wanting to run away that worries me. my marriage isnt perfect then who's is, anyway i quite often hate my life, i miss my wonderful kids as i live in a different country to them and hate my husband. over the past two years i have had 4 periods and am blessed by mother nature now, im not bothered by periods or lack of them i usually feel well, no hot flushes, but BOY OH BOY do i hate from time to time, and mostly my husband, he is a bit of a control freak anyway, he always says i have a negative outlook on EVERYTHING and if anything goes wrong its my fault, he is making me feel i am negative and worthless, most days i can cope with it but the are days when all i want is for him to be sympathetic, but show me a man that understands the menopause,i hate myself when im like this i want to be alone and cry, ive got to say the previous postings to this one did make me cry because i can so relate to them all and its as if i wrote them all, so i feel my tears are for all you ladies on this particular posting and ME too, hope i dont make any one depressed by that statement, oh boy i feel so AWFUL god bless you all and much love to you all. i want to be alone but i want hugs and security and love too, i dont really know what i want to tell you the truth, i feel very very lonely and stupid and like a child without a mum or dad, (well i am, i have no surviving parents) and that makes me feel worse...... i am never coming back as a woman, a cat maybe ..........


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  • Posted by
    gigi-f
    (gw:gigi-f) on
    Fri, Sep 1, 06 at 11:43

Yep - I want to run away from home, family, job, LIFE. Just don't have anywhere to go. I would LOVE to have another human being at home. Maybe not all the time, but it gets really hard to be alone ALL THE TIME. I don't have the energy and strength I used to, and it would be nice to have some help with stuff, too.

Just wondering - would men understand this better if they were told it's sort of like serious prostrate problems? Men usually find this really upsetting and scary, most men have to deal with it at some point in their lives, there has been more attention to it in the last few years, and it has all sorts of side effects (sexual, emotional, etc). I wonder if there could be some similarities here?


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Wow... you have all described the majority of my life here! Hot flashes, cold spells, no energy or interest in the things I use to LOVE to do, tired at least as bad as when I was pregnant, moody beyond your wildest imagination, 49 years old with 51, 14, 11, and 7 year old children... the oldest is by far the worst, although I am NOT his mother, as I frequently remind him.

Those of you who have husbands who seem to "get it".... I am so jealous of you.... mine is totally clueless, and has no interest in becoming knowledgeable...

My patience is non-existant... I worked all day today, came home to an entirely upside down house and fighting children... responsible adult left in charge??? sleeping on the sofa.... so... me??? I'm now sitting at the computer doing searches on most anything... to avoid yelling and also to aviod making dinner... I want to throw it at them all....


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I felt like I was all over the map this weekend. Didn't get my period for three months, now I've gotten it the last two months. I had 2 days of anger, followed by depression today. If I could just pack it in, I would.


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Plumbly.........can you make a list for your oldest child? ;) and put it on the fridge, and tell him he HAS to do these things by such and such a date?
Do you sit down and talk with him, one-on-one, about how bad you feel, and how you need his help with the house and kids? I know it can be almost too frustrating to do, when they've never responded to these talks before.
Do you take time out for yourself? Can you take a day off of work every once in a while, while everyone's at school, and your DH is at work, and just do nice things that you WANT to do??? It's so important for YOU to get some oxygen too! Sometimes we get so consumed with the daily things, that we actually forget how to have fun, and how to nurture ourselves.
I know how you feel. I really do. But now my oldest is in college, and my son is a senior, and DH has finally learned to be involved (after threating to divorce him).

Do you children have job lists? No TV or computer or ANYTHING, unless they start helping. They can set the table for dinner, and help with dinner.
Even though your husband might be a dead-beat, you can teach your children to help.
I guess I'm not a gentle/quiet/sweet person when it comes to expressing my anger. I know honey attracts more flies than vinegar, but when you're soooooo pissed off with someone, it's almost impossible to ask them nicely for something. So..........how about some ultimatums for your husband? Would that work?
You definitely need more help from ALL your children........especially the oldest one!
Make a plan......and then put everyone's job list up on the fridge. Nobody gets nothin', if they don't do their jobs. Hang in there plumbly!


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Ah... that oldest "child" has the attitude that he is God in the house and since he works all day and I only work part time... all at home stuff should be mine to take care of... it's a hopeless case trying to talk or reason with him on this./.. I've tried, counselors have tried, it's not happening and I understand that...

That said... it still annoys the hell out of me that he can cop this attitude.

The children do have their responsibilities, along with a more than average load of school work and sport activities, so I don't really want to push much more onto them.... I'd just like the husband to get off the sofa and help once in a while. We go for additional "family" conuseling this week... .many this time (family vs couples) will reach him... I'm ready to just toss him out, but that still won't solve the "who's going to take care of..." problem... it will just definitely leave it to me...
oh yeah, time for myself??? you must be kidding... when I suggest such a thing he goes ape... when does he get time to himself (gee manybe on those flight s for business you sleep on or in those hotel rooms all by yourself for night after night when you're on the road???? while you're off doing that I'm being a single parent here a-hole!)

here's to better days...


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Well plumbly, I'm thinking if he shows no signs of compromising just a little........you might be better without him.
I will hope that maybe someone in therapy can reach him. Sounds like maybe he's having as much trouble as you dealing with life right now, but maybe is handling it in a way that is uncooperative and lazy. Maybe I'm giving him too much credit.??
I still think you need to just TAKE some time for yourself. Can you sneak some? I'm sorry things are so hard for your right now.
I'll toast to better days too!


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Hi, new to this forum. I came here looking for some information on menopause, showing a couple of troubling symptoms, and thought it might be time to start being informed about what I am going through. I saw this topic and had to post a reply
I am 48, soon to be 49, and I actually DID run away from home. Best thing I have done in years. I quit my job, sold the house and took off for Europe with my oldest child.

Of course it was easier because I am not married, but let me tell you, I have been in Europe for about a year and a half, and today was my one year anniversary of living in Germany. I lived in Italy for three months and I trying to get back there permanently. In the meantime I have been to or through London, Switzerland, Austria, France, Amsterdam, and am having a hell of a time. I work at a US military base, make about $45,000 less a year than I used to, but also have about $45,000 less stress in my life.

You CAN do it. It is easier with less family, and you have to not care about THINGS so that you can get rid of your stuff instead of dragging it all with you. The more I got rid of back in the States, the freer(sp) I felt.

Anyway, just wanted to tell you that it is possible to actually "run away" - diana


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I have such an urge to be alone lately, with no one to answer to. I'm so tired, depressed, angry. When will this crap end? I wish men would "get it", instead of saying we use menopause as an excuse.


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This may sound crazy and awful but I think partly this urge to run away is a hold over from primitive times. Once a woman was no longer able to bear children, she had very little value to the tribe. She lost her status and power and had to watch younger women step into those roles. She was another mouth to feed and her gathering/cooking skills probably didn't outweigh her negative drain on the tribe. Maybe it's partly some deep instinct to leave the tribe at this time. She had always served the needs of the tribe and now was released to do what she wanted. She was glad to go and they were glad to see her leave! It's odd how many of us talk about running away to a cave. (Yeah, I took way too many anthropology classes at the university!)


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Okay here is my thinking, I think everyone else should leave and let me have the cave I have been cleaning, taking loving care of, and for goodness sakes leave me to the the food I have gathered and prepared.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


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Sometimes menopause can exacerbate things that are already going on in your body and your life. We don't like to talk about it because we think it is our fault or something to be ashamed of. If you are susceptible to depression, menopause can really give it a kick. I know. I have been there and I still fight it every day. I knew I was in trouble when all I wanted to do was to stay in bed with the covers over my head. I know the pain of being suicidal. This message is for all the women, don't wait to get help. If you feel depressed for more than a couple weeks you need to talk with your doctor. Make him hear you. You are worth it.


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I'm brand new to this wonderful world of *HELL* and yes, I can completely relate to wanting to run away. I just got off the phone with DH, who lovingly went to the market today to get fresh corn for a dish I've been wanting to prepare. He told me he'd picked up the ingredients, and asked me if I was planning to make the dish tonight and I just completely bit his head off. "I don't KNOW what I'm gonna feel like making tonight! SHEESH! I don't FEEL WELL!" Poor guy ... he didn't deserve that. But more and more frequently, these outbursts are bubbling just below the surface and boiling right over.

Last night I felt so crummy that as I lie in bed, flipping channels on the tv, I was almost overcome with the urge to scream. Of course, I haven't lost all senses, I suppose, as I did realize that such an act would completely freak hubby and pets out, so I did the next best thing. Waited until I got in the car to drive to work this morning, where I was alone and confined to a small space, and just shrieked my head off. It helped ... somewhat. But now I just really want to do it again.

I'm a half-step away from biting off my coworkers' heads too. Something that is not conducive to getting a raise or a bonus in a few months.

I've only been at this for a very short time, but already I feel overwhelmed and overcome by it. I feel like my whole life is slipping away from me. And I really, really, REALLY hate it.

::sigh::


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Hang in there ladies...when I first started menopause, I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, the "extreme PMS" symptoms started and I felt so overwhelmed sometimes. But after about a year, things settled down, the "PMS like symptoms" went away and my mood improved. Of course, things aren't perfect but once your hormones stabilize and you are finally past the first year, you feel so much better. Some of the things that really help are having a soy shake www.revivalsoy.com with 2 tbsp. ground flax seed, extra Vitamin B12, a multivitamin, and 1200 mg. of calcium a day. I don't take any HRT at all.


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Oh my I love you all and am so greatful I have found you... 45 years almost 46 just had a hysterectomy in March 2006, it's been a year from heck and it seems to be getting worse but I am trying to give myself time outs and am taking Vitex ( Chastenberry)I call them my ugly pills... My husband has got the worse of it... He says I'm cold and mean and sometimes I want to bite his head off... He's a really nice guy, not a romantic one which is what I seem to need sometimes someone (him) to put their arms around me and say it will be okay... So I know it won't happen and I'm not going to change him and therefore I must change myself... I talk to myself and I find myself alone on walks and keep reminding myself it will all pass... I hope to write a book on this chapter of my life especially the hysterectomy part which one can't relate to until they have it... The worse part are the mood changes... And so it is nice to know I am not the only one with the Crazies as I call it... Love and Peace to all my sisters... We will all make it... we have no choice...
Jeana


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Welcome, Jeana. You are not alone. You are among friends who "get it" and care.


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Good Morning Jeana, We are glad you are here. We dont care what your attitude is, we know you will have good days and bas day. I too have a very nice husband, but I have to take or ask for hugs. I realize that woman dont want to ask, but sometimes we just have to. Deep breath! and keep up those walks. Shotzy


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I have to laugh. Oh, thank God for you women. Yes, it certainly is counterproductive to snarl at one's husband, "You can't figure out some f-ing ROMANCE? I need to feel CHERISHED," while your head is spinning around and the walls are bleeding. I have done this, said these very words, I have to admit more than once. And then when the fire passes I look back and am both horrified and bemused. The poor man. But he deserves every bit of it. How hard is it to get a damn clue and just do the things that appease the beast in me? :)

Yes, keep walking, it's the very best therapy. And know you are so completely NOT alone.


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HAPPY NEW YEAR... SO FAR SO GOOD... ENTERED THE YEAR WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND TAKING MY VIRTEX AND SO FAR IT'S WORKING... STILL WALKING AND SINGING... I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I WANT TO CRASH UNTIL THEN EVERYONE ENJOY YOUR LIVES AS A WOMAN... PEACE JEANA


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OMG! You guys are hitting the nail on the head. Men don't need hugs, and they don't understand that we do or why we do. We can't blame them, because they aren't women, and thank goodness for that. I think two menopausal women in my house would be one too many, lol.

Jeanauss, I've been thinking the same thing about writing it all down to inspire and help all the women in the world. Problem is, they won't understand it 'til they are there, then it's too late. The title I have come up with is "No Man's Land". What do you think? We can all do a collaborative effort. :)
Mrs H


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So how do you deal with these feelings? How do you make them stop? One minute happy and the next I fall to pieces. What does one do?


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I'm taking Wellbutrin XL, an antidepressant. It seems very mild, almost unnoticeable, but I feel more... adequate.

Exercise helps, especially outside and in the sunshine. Or just get out there, or near a window, and hold your face in the sun.

Whenever you think of it, breathe deeply in through your nose, out through your mouth. I'm surprised at how much I hold my breath.

Say kind things to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a beloved friend. You sure wouldn't offer that woman criticism if she were stumbling around like this.

It's finite, and from the looks of this forum, pretty normal.


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RE: running away from home?

Hunter,

Yes, write it all down... This menopause,hysterectomy etc. you never want to read about it unless you are going through it or it won't make sense. One thing we as beings are in habit of is not wanting to learn from those that have experienced it or tell us ... it doesn't make sense until we are the experience. So not we are privilaged to be reading what others like ourselves are experiencing. I think for me the hardest part is getting through the moods swings which I am told could last years... Being so early in the game ( 45) and having had a hysterectomy in 2006 I am trying to get a handle on it before I go crazy. I call it the craziess as on moment I'm fine the next I'm depressed sad alone... I have set my mind to doing exactly what some of you ladies have said and true we are our best huggers... The mind is very powerful and we can tell it what to do by simply believing and living it. I take 3 Vitex (Chastenberry herb from a natural store) without fail and it balances me out.I walk long walks and I sing to myself at the top of my lungs, I scream, I yell and at the end I tell myself I love me... We will all make this... Keep writing, keep reading and keep expressing yourself ... This is our little world and here on this forum you are welcomed to express and be loved!!!
Peace and love to you all... So far so good this week no craziess... Peace, Jeana


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RE: running away from home?

Posted by laura169 (My Page) on Thu, Jan 3, 08 at 19:22

"So how do you deal with these feelings? How do you make them stop? One minute happy and the next I fall to pieces. What does one do?"

Laura, that's a tough one. Some take antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs. That's fine and probably helps alleviate the symptoms. Some women take HRT which probably helps also, but I don't know if many doctors anymore will keep you on it long-term. Some of us (I fit into this group) "work through it" in whatever works for us as individuals. My goal is no longer to stop these feelings, but to integrate them into my psyche and learn from them. This is probably the hard road to take, but I find it very much worth it. Two years ago, I would not have said this. Ten years ago, I wanted it to stop and go away, and I spent nine years trying to wish it away, think it away, or avoid it altogether. Now, I try to move forward into it for what it has to offer. I've learned tons about myself and my humanness as a result. I still have occasional discomfort with it, but it has become my friend rather than my enemy.
Mrs H


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RE: running away from home?

Agree with Mrs. H ... embrace the feeling, feel it and let it go... no matter how crazy or painful,keep writing, keep reading what these women have written and know you are not alone... let your family, friends, lover whoever know how you feel when you are feeling yourself and explain to them it is not them and it is not you it is a hormonal thing we as women must go through ... as I have said is I take a natural herb Vitex... I'm new I just started the process with a hysterectomy ...I'm 45 I have a long way to go but I'm trying very hard to deal with my crazies and embrace my womanhood and the sisterhood we have here... It's different for every woman so take what you can from any of us and use the tools you can and pass on the rest... Deep breaths, long walks, scream yell, cry whatever it takes to feel better do it and then come back and continue to be... We will all get through this together... It's a new year 2008 we have many more to go... Love to you all my sisters... Jeana


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RE: running away from home?

Hello ladies, just want to thank you all & so glad that I found you . Your thoughts & inspirations are a blessing. I have been looking into a herbal supplement to help alleviate some of the problems What do you think?


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RE: running away from home?

Laura,

Oh course try whatever it takes... Natural is always better as I said I use Vitex ( Chastenberry plant) I take 3 times a day (3 in the morning with my coffee) it works for me along with acknowledging and embracing womanhood and knowing you're not alone so many of us trying to deal with this time in our lives. Remember what works for some women doesn't work for others but keep searching and asking until you find out what you need to deal to get through this difficult time and I mean difficult... At times you want to just scream and cry at times you're just fine... This is my favorite site and has helped me so much... I love reading what others say and how they deal with it... Just know together we will all make it...
Peace and Love, Jeana


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RE: running away from home?

Oh MY I love you all too! soo glad to find you ladies. I'll be 44 soon and have had perimenopause for about a year now. my doctor put me on a antidepressant and it made me feel worse then I did before. I think I will try what Jeanauss Takes Vitex and go the natural way. I also get very irritated and just what some peace and quite! my husband and 16 year old son thinks Im nuts.! I work full time and just this last week I worked a few day 10 hr. shifts. My son decided to have the tv in the living room on just blaring with music and my husband in our bedroom with the Tv on and having a snack cruching in my ear.! This was 10pm at night,I was up since 3am! I could not take in anymore when he told my son you better turn the tv down Mom is on the war path ! I thought ok Im leaving and going far far away not sure where, but I got in my car for a drive and went to the store and sat in the parking lot and asked myself, how could they be so inconsiderate of me. I work hard help pay the bills, make sure when they are not feeling to well to keep it quite. and of course like some of you ladies it seems they just do not want to understand what is going on with me. and to be honest I do not understand sometimes myself. its like you become a diffrent person. and feel so bad after. I even yelled at the dog! I feel very alone at times. so now I know Im not alone what breath of fresh air thanks ladies.


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RE: running away from home?

Terina,

Please know you're not A l O N E !!! There are millions of us out there wondering what the heck is going on with us as we can't understand our feelings and the people around us don't either... We need peace but we also need to explode and talking to other women going through it helps a lot !!! I do take Vitex around 6 a day and I take walks... Also I scream in the middle of nowhere... just scream it really helps but trying sometimes to get your family to understand seems impossible at times... I do apologize before I go off and it took awhile but my family knows to walk away sometimes... I tell them I can't understand it either but they have bad days also we all so we just have them more often. You need to find peace and beware of your feelings, feel them and know you are a good person... I'm starting a group of women called the Womans Club Only (WCO)... it's just ladies talking about how we are feeling and how no one understands but us... We are a club of good people... We just laugh as some of the things are ridiculious... but it's funny. I love these ladies on the site they are all real and dealing with what you and I are dealing with... It's real and we have a long way to go... very long... I just turned 46 had a hysterectomy last year in March and it's been hard but I know I am a kind person and I know I love people,you'll make it continue to believe in yourself and know it is a part of the sisterhood we are all in... Welcome write anytime... I will let you know how the WCO is going and get input or questions to ask for you... jeanauss@yahoo.com


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RE: running away from home?

I am sorry Terina, just to be listening too and left alone sometimes! If you could just ask those thing and get them would be a great help I am sure. Well we can listen to you. Jeanauss, I too have a womens group that meets on alternating tues night. THere are 9 and we are all in our early fifties. It is wonderful and no one gets the floor more than 5 minutes at a time. Down right funny and tearful at times. Breathe deep Terina, life gets good again.


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RE: running away from home?

Can you use Vitex if you're on HRT? While I've gotten rid of the hot flashes, the anxiety/depression feelings are still there. I have days when I really feel like I'm losing my mind. My self-esteem is in the toilet, and it affects many aspects of my life.


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RE: running away from home?

No, I would NOT use Vitex with any HRT... I tried to mix once and it was not advised so I used the Virtex instead as it made me feel so much better... Everyone is different so do some reasearch and look it up on line... Keep writing here and asking for support it is what we are here for and we all are going through it together... I still have good days and bad and sometimes I just need to walk away before I explode... Virtex has helped me so much... Good luck.


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RE: running away from home?

Congrats !!! It's been 1 year since this blog has started and we are all still here !!! With the Crazies but we made it together... Great minds think a like !!! Thanks Maryjo...jeanauss


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RE: running away from home?

Hi MaryJo - Estrogen may have an antidepressive effect in some women but shouldn't be used as a primary treatment. I know that Chaste Tree Berry and Magnolia Bark work well. Also the winter months didn't help with depression and anxiety. Getting out and getting a few minutes of sun and talking a nice walk has seemed to really help me. Exercise definitely helps the depression. I think I can stay home now instead of running off to Tahiti! Bobbi


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RE: running away from home?

Well ladies, 3 years ago I did just that....lost a great job(laid off) was bored with my life, married 30 years, nice guy but I live in the most boring state in the Union that offers nothing to do and headed for Las Vegas. I have gone there and back for 3 winters and I hate it here but do not know how to just go there and stay and give up a 32 year plus marriage but if i stay here i will die of boredom...I plan each and every day for my permanent escape
is this menopause or somthing else......why am i not brave enough to make it final...anyone else experience this?????


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RE: running away from home?

Hi Ladies,
I have posted before and isn't it a shame that we have to feel like this. Why isn't any of the Gyno's finding a treatment for us, If it were Men going through this, you can be sure there would be something done and pronto! I don't want a maybe, I want to find something that will give me a reason to live, not going around pretending that your OK when your ready to KILL someone, anyone. I don't want to take Herbs, because no one knows the Long term effects, and alot of them can build up in your Liver, and I am with a Man 11 years youger than me and I keep telling him, you need to find someone Younger, because he says all I do complain and am Negative, well If he felt this way 24/7 then I would like to see how he would act, and then to top it off, we have his 13 yr. old son every other weekend and I'm ready to kill him also, Please can someone tell me who to see to get some relief, Thank you and God bless you.


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RE: running away from home?

"Emotional Freedom Techinique", do a search. Or email me and we can talk. :) Arum


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RE: running away from home?

1st of all, I wanna let y'all know that I am a guy. Therefore, I don't know if (actually doubt that) I'm welcome here. If not, I wanna apologize in advance but PLEASE hear me out before blocking me or what ever can be done (I'm new to computers or should I say "the last computer I had was an Apple 2e" so I don't know what can or can't be done to reject, delete, block or what ever).

I am a 38 year old Stay At Home Dad (SAHD), married to a 46 year-old beautiful wife. We have 3 year old twins (turn 3 next month) and my wife (I'll call her "Love") is perimenopausal.

Well, that's not all. She has a severe chemical imbalance and fibromyalgia and is perimenopausal.

She HAS "Run Away From Home" and............oh where am I goin' with this? What help do I expect or hope to get from y'all? I don't know but I had to go somewhere.

I haven't had the time to read all or even half of the posts here but I hope to read the rest after I post this.

2nd, I'm the SAHD because of her chemical imbalance. Love, herself requested that she never be left alone with our kids and we both decided it would be safer if she worked and I stayed home to be "Mr. Mom" (I do have an income greater than what she makes working - so it's not as if I'm not helping).

Okay, for the past few months, things have been getting worse and worse. Love won't spend time with our kids - or 3 weeks ago, when she changed the lock on our apartment (what I mean by she ran away) she at least saw our Daughter and Son on the weekends and 3 or 4 days during the week. The next week, she saw them 2 days after work (for 2 hours each) and on Saturday. this week, she only saw them Friday for .....well, it's hard to say because pretty much all she did was laid in bed with our Son til he went to sleep and then went back to the apartment. It's now Sunday and we haven't seen her again.

I've been getting my head chewed off for any time I call, email, text or anything - if she happens to see me, I get yelled at!!

All she says to me is "I NEED SLEEP AND I WANT TO BE ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! I WANT A DIVORCE!" etc. etc. etc.

I try to hold her and tell her to see her OBGYN and see if she's entering into menopause. I remind her that she's having trouble sleeping, she's noticed changes in her periods, hot flashes, is always in a bad mood, she's loosing hair, has trouble making decisions, her heartbeat is often fast and they're all signs of premenopause and/or menopause.

Well, she won't see her OBGYN, she wants to see this or that Dr. (understandably she doesn't want to face menopause, as it's a sign of...or gives her a feeling of "not being young" anymore). I remind her of our vows and that no matter what, I will never leave her. I tell her that I know it's gonna be hard for both of us but I will stick it out with her.

I can't pretend to know what she's feeling or going through because.....well other than the obvious, I'm not her. but I have dated women in the past that were going through menopause and stuck it out with them until they dumped me. So I can at least feel for Love.

Although she has told me repeatedly she wants a divorce, I WILL NOT give it to her because of the vows we took and because of Malachi 2:16 "I hate divorce".

love has riped my flesh with house keys (arm and shoulder) and dug her nails into my neck and arm....all leaving scars. She kicks me in the face chest, gut or anywhere she can, throws things at me, cusses out God, tries to hit me with 24s and well, sometimes I think I need to contact "Father Damian Karras". She makes up things about me to get sympathy from others (when I confront her about it, she says "if all I did was tell the facts, no one would give a ____") and when they start telling her to get as far away from me as she can, she says "see everyone else agrees with me".

I have people often telling me I need to get away from her (even her ex husbands new wife says if she were I, she would be long gone).

I guess what I'm asking her (thanx for letting me rant here) is how much longer (an estimation) will I have to put up with this? Our kids miss their Mommy
(so do I) and need her in their lives. I know Love is goin' through a tough time right now but she has responsibilities as a Mom that she needs to own up to. I don't mind taking care of the twins day and night but to see and hear them cry for Mommy (mostly our Son) every day and seeing the hurt each day they don't even get to see her is so hard. Our Son said "Mommy hurts me" a few days ago and that just tore me up! I had to go in another room to just cry because hearing that killed me (at the time I thought he said "Mommy hates me" but later learned it was "hurts" and that still hurts me to hear that.)

I'll stick it out as long as it takes but any info will be helpful. (didn't intend for this to be so long.)

Peace Love and Mello Yello


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RE: running away from home?

Today, for the first time, I imagined what it would be like to run away from home (we are 37, married 15 years, have 17 year old sone and his girlfired age 18 living with us). I even started thinking about how I could do it logistically would I need to take time off work, or could I still go to work each day? Hubby would be alright theres enough reserves in the bank to get him and kids by. I could move to our coutrny proeprty (no power or house, just an old caravan in a paddock) and I could take 3 months unpaid leave from work. All I would need is a few tins of baked beans, a few boxes of matches and candles, some access to music, and my paints. A few good books would be good too. Id have all the space and solitude I needed and enough air to breath and think and relax. No rules, no children, no housework. Dare I imagine what that would be like? no one to offer support to, no one to care about, no one to worry over, no one to smile at, be polite to, struggle to converse with. Wow. I could make my own rules because Id be the only one to follow them. I could eat out of tins and spend as much or as little as I wanted on the things around me. It would cost me nothing to live!

This fantasy has blossomed in my mind because of a dream I had this morning before waking. It was a bit mixed up, but there seemed to be people who were talking in a spaceship but had no control over what they were saying or doing. I was hurled out of the spacecraft and was freefalling towards earth. Frightened and panicked, I noticed I had in my hand a small square vinyl package with instructions of how to turn the package into a parachute. But I was too stressed out to read it properly and I hit the ground before I had any chance to save myself. Waking, heart thumping, my brain told me simply, "you should run away from home".

Wow, i think I'm suffocating.

has anyone dared do the "cave" thing? I would love to hear from anyone who has left her old world behind and learned to live simple, solitutude life. Did it fix her problems? Was she able to return home after a period of time?


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RE: running away from home?

Today is one of those days I want to run away; don't even care that it's pouring rain outside. I'm crying as I'm writing this - tears just want to keep coming.

Having marital problems again (or should I say the same problems aren't going away). Problems are mostly my fault, and I don't know how to change them.

I've been feeling like I'm just going through the motions. I feel like life has nothing to offer me, and vice versa.

I never did make the effort to find professional help, mostly because I'm scared and embarassed.

What scares me the most is I've been thinking a lot lately if anything ever happened to my husband, I wouldn't care.


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RE: running away from home?

It's not me that wants to run away, rather my family. There are times when I am yelling and I hear myself and I think, why on earth am I acting this way? I'm having a hysterectomy next week and I hope the doc finds the gremlin that's hiding inside of me. Hubby said he'd just be happy if I quit spewing pea soup.

My hormones are all over the place. Getting old isn't for sissies. I just want the "old" me back...


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RE: running away from home?

My god, I loved these posts and they made me feel so much better!! I am 45 and going through the menopause and i have just wanted my husband to go away lately. I am so mean and I can hear myself doing the crazy thing and i just cant stop. I have even thought about divorcing and living on my own. I so enjoy the days when i am at home on my own and i'm finding the weekends really difficult. I level all kinds of accusations at my husband and he is the most georgeous loving guy you can imagine, he is endlessly patient and kind and i am just so MEAN!! some days I just cant stand him and others I really love him. Somedays everything he says and does just irritates the hell out of me. He sometimes comes home for lunch to see me and i just think " no dont, stay away!!" He honestly is tripping over himself to be understanding but i jusy want everyone to leave me alone !!


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RE: running away from home?

  • Posted by
    I am trying to cope
    (BAERJ@SAIC.COM) on
    Sat, Apr 30, 11 at 22:22

I am not quite to menopause I don't think but periods are irregular and my husband is going though his own stuff. Told me he wants to know what sex is like with someone else, acts like he doesn't want to be here in this relationship after 20 years. Hard on me to say the least. He is also hard for my teenage kids to deal with. Things are good one minute and not the next. Is it me? Not sure. He seems very mean, but I can be like that too. I just want to feel normal and feel like no matter what I say he is defensive. What next? He has done some things that make me wonder if we should continue in this relationship. The crappy thing is that I still love him and I am not sure if it is me bringing on this stuff or him. We have been fighting pretty badly for the last 6 months ever since he said he wanted to experience stuff outside of our relationship. Is it me? I think that perimenopause is more where I am because I am 42. Not sure what is going on but hard for me to take. I don't completely understand him right now and he has no patience for me apparently. He seems mean. I can be mean back or first based on things that are going on. Help! Any advice would be cool.


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RE: running away from home?

It's nice to know that I'm not alone. However, not sure that my feelings are all due to menopause. I actually hate my job - one that I used to love. I have anxiety attacks every morning because I have to go to work. My husband seems to have no sympathy for anything in my life, too caught up in his work to care. Can't remember the last time he asked how my day was yet I ask him every day how his went. I'm so tired of everything. I just want less stress. To be be happy and to feel good. I would so run away if I just knew where to go.


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RE: running away from home?

Hello, I just want to say that I do feel like I want to go somewhere and no to come back. At leas until I know I have accomplished with my dreams. I know it sound selfish but, I came 11 years ago to the USA with so many dreams in my head and I did finish my associates degree in IT but still today after a year I haven't been able to find a job. I have a good life don't take me wrong; my life it's actually good but, even when I don't have to work because my husband is very good and he provides for everything I still I feel that I need to do my own thing! I have two teenagers who are really good kids but, sometimes I find my self doing everything like a maid and not doing anything else.Every day the same thing! I don't mind the house shores. Is just that it looks like like every day is the same as the one before! And my family don't seen to noticed!


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RE: running away from home?

Thank you so much, everyone! I'm having a helluvatime with the BIG "M", & it's incredibly validating & comforting to hear your voices through time & cyberspace. I LOVE the idea of a CAVE! I have an art studio of my own on our property, & because of you, I'm now ready with a list for purchasing items I need to make this a real CAVE when the need arises (like this weekend). If it hadn't been for you all, I never would have thought of this. So, tomorrow I am getting: Inflatable mattress & some "camp" food. Bless you all & thank you from the bottom of my heart!


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RE: running away from home?

Thank you so much, everyone! I'm having a helluvatime with the BIG "M", & it's incredibly validating & comforting to hear your voices through time & cyberspace. I LOVE the idea of a CAVE! I have an art studio of my own on our property, & because of you, I'm now ready with a list for purchasing items I need to make this a real CAVE when the need arises (like this weekend). If it hadn't been for you all, I never would have thought of this. So, tomorrow I am getting: Inflatable mattress & some "camp" food. Bless you all & thank you from the bottom of my heart!


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