Time to move this one down.

Hopefully I can give you a little bit of insight into both sides of the debaate. Untill I was 11 years old, I was an only child. Psychologists say this psychologically makes me an only child! I loved being an only child. I was very creative and friendly, I was very curious and intellectual. I loved to sing with my dad and do crafts with my mom we loved nature and the three of us took long hikes and camped alot and travelled. I am very musical, my parents were able to support me in piano, violin, brass and voice. But more than anything else they were there for me emotionally 100%! I loved being an only child! When I was 11 years old my parents had another daughter. They have often said to me and other family members that they regret having another child, not that they don't love her, it was just very hard and very different raising her. There were complications at the birth which led to my sister having a conduct disorder. She is a very self centered, manipulative and mean person. And I am not saying this because I am jealous or anyother hidden agenda, I am just stating a fact. It was so hard on my parents being in their late 30's and starting all over again and all of the trials they had to deal with, still are dealing with at age 21! Two years ago my father passed away, trust me it was not my sister I turned to for support, but my husband and friends I have had for many years. Onlies create surrogate siblings; one of my best friends is an only and two of my cousins that are close to my age I view as my family. We have the same relationships siblings have. With my family now it was a heartbreaking decision to go from one child to two, but in the end we decided to have more children, and I thank God we did our second child is sweet and loving and kind. That was my greatest fear, that we would hurt our first born by having a second child, but their mother's history has not repeated itself! My husband has 5 siblings, and his stories and relationships are amazing! His mother has 8 siblings, and you should see Christmas, what an amazing celebraton of life and heritage! When we got married I told my husband, either we have only one child or four! I think the key is having them really close together, shared history and growing through life's joys and struggles is what makes siblings gel and become interlinked! As a child I didn't know this was something I was missing, as an adult I get to experience it through my own children! Best of luck! Trust God and he will guide your family!

I have some ideas that help me keep in touch with kids that were close to my little girl. Always take alot of pictures when together. Take professional & alot yourself. Those will be fun memories for her to look at. Make scrapbooks of your family & send her some fun scrapbooking material like stickers, stamps, fun scissors, & paper. I have my boys hold up signs & take pictures. Can you & DH hold up an "I love you" sign & mail to her? Do you have a webcam? Sometimes Webcams can be fun. Do you know her interests? Some girls love to receive flowers at school. I just sent one girl flowers(favorite color) & balloons. I think it makes them feel special. Find out if her school has a memory book. Parents can write a poem for their kids. Does she have email or myspace? Does she like Neopets or anything like that. You can get her an account & you both get pets & take care of them. Find something of interest for the both of you & mention it to her. That might give you something to talk about on the phone. Try emailing first & finding her interests. Oh yeah...kids love things that are in & Hannah Montana is in for little girls. How about a pillowcase with Dads picture on it, & an "I Love You". A Build a Bear with a special message you both have recorded. Also, if you ever get the opportunity, say real nice things about the BM. Even if you can't stand her. Think of anything positive to say, and say it. "Oh your mom is pretty & you got her...hair, eyes etc. If I were you, I would try real hard to help the relationship DH has with her. I think that was my job as the SM & my obligation as the BM to do that for my children. I think many moms are very special and talented that way(some aren't). I feel for you being long distance & for her. It's a tough situation to be in & it's not fair to the little girl, BM, you, or BF. I think the custodial parent has alot of influence in those situations. If she's not selfish she will nurture a good relationship between her little girl & you & Dad. If she's selfish & doesn't like you, good luck...as the little girl will probably not like you either. My little girl was young so I definetly influenced the relationship the best I could. I gave my daughter $50.00 of the child support each month saying it was from her Dad & she could spend it on herself, donate, or relatives. We chose Dad cards on holidays. Called several times during week(slow times). She had his picture hanging up in the bedroom which I framed. I really believe in the long distance situation the custodial parent can make it work or break it & the noncustodial deals with the outcome of the circumstances.

I think that she said that her DD created things out of trash, not necessarily that they were trash. Though if there is too much it could feel like trash.