Hiya, hiya! First, Suntide, I know what you mean about your male friend. I have one, too. (he's my male best friend, actually) Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined anything more than friendship between us. I've known him for 10 years, and he's NOT the cheating kind. Neither am I. But, slowly and surely, and very very cautiously, things seem to be edging towards something more. Would I leave dh for him? You betcha. I've always told his wife what a lucky woman she is (she agrees, and 5 minutes later, forgets all about it and takes him for granted again). Plus, during the last two years I've been in search of a job with enough creative moxy to keep me inspired, plus financial muscle to keep me off welfare, so I can get a divorce. Is it stupid to get a divorce this late in life? My choices are 1) Stay Miserable and Married or 2) You Ain't Dead Yet -- Take A Chance. And yes, the cream does help. Of course, I don't know if it helps just by itself (... ladies? please chime in :-) or if it's the combination of homeopathy + cream. The only thing it's not helping, is the insomnia. And bone pain. Muscle pain? My memory-foam mattress feels as hard as a rock nowadays. I'll be laying on my side and my hip will wake me up, hurting, like it's mashed against some immoveable surface ... like concrete. Am I making any sense, or am I just burbling? %-) Cindy

I can't believe I had to Google what I did to get here. I'm assuming I am post menopausal. I haven't had a period for almost 10 years but when I was tested is was not menopause. Btw I am 51. I can't remember what it was but a few doses of estrogen started it again but only for couple months I repeated that regimine twice before just not doing it. I liked not having a period. Fast forward 10 years I am now there however I have not had sex of any kind for 18 years. Last year I finally went into hiding from an abusive husband to whom I refused sex to for the beatings. I left him several times during my marriage but the criminal justice system let me down. He has never spent a day in jail for his crimes against me. I can't tell you what it would feel like to sit in a courtroom and hear the judge order him to anger management classes again. Which cost $50 a week so he would be waiting outside the courtroom when I would leave he would walk up and put his arm around me and tell me how bad I was gonna hurt for costing him that money. I am free now and I am suffering the worst case of horniness imaginable. I can't get anything to work and I am in tears. I don't want a man with what I have been through I just want it to stop. I am doing things in my sleep. I have to keep my nails cut off. I was in the women's shelter for abused women before getting on my feet but I can't afford doctors anymore. I left with nothing to escape it including health insurance and I walk with a limp and my face is scarred with a cheap snap on smile for the broken teeth so this is something I cannot understand and I do think men know. I assure I don't flirt or dress provactively but I am hit on all the time. My only urge is to cut their penis off and take it with me. I sure don't want the rest of them. I'm not functioning well and I have had more serious medical issues that I did get to see a doctor for those things and yes I mentioned it. For my other medical issuers the doctor said no hormones that I should give into it that it was the healthiest thing to do. What kind of crap is that? He knew what happened to me Because he stitched me up enough. He wrote a letter to the court but nothing put my husband in jail. He gave my mother a heart attack on Christmas day. He terrorized my family. So I just can't let a man touch me so I am begging to know what there is that I can do. I'm sure it would be a blessing if I had had a good man . it's too late for that now

I think its nice when women don't lose their sex drive, but I guess I take a different approach to it. I always try to understand things based on nature. Females who can't procreate aren't supposed to be having sex. That's why we have a sex drive......so that we'll want to have sex and have babies. I'm only bringing this up since I think humankind makes it seem like something is wrong with older women when they don't want sex. But they are just responding to how nature has planned things out. Men, on the other hand, can procreate into their 70s and 80s, so they still need that drive. But we've become "civilized" and stay with one person our entire lives, and that sets up an imbalance.........the man has a large sex drive for decades after the woman doesn't. I know this doesn't help anyone's situation, but I think its interesting to think about......and might help some women feel less bad about having lost their drive. Its just as nature has planned it!

My no BS suggestion. Either the problem can be fixed or it can't, but you don't yet know what it is. He may be a homosexual, in which case you can't fix it. Or, he may have a sexual interest that he is too embarrassed to tell you about. Figure it out -- you need to snoop on his computer or into his stash of porn and find out what it is that gets his motor going. It may be something you can use. It is still fantasy, and your reality can push it aside. Given his sweet personality, I would guess that his proclivities are on the submissive side, but he does not have the guts to come out to you. There are lots of ways a woman can tap into that without degrading yourself (just sift on the web past the degrading over the top male fantasy stuff, and find folks who have wrestled with your issue in a real relationship). If he is sincere, the first thing he needs to do is stop self-pleasuring. Within a few days you will look pretty good to him, but if he is getting his release apart from you that will completely dampen his ardor. This could well be a porn addiction case. Take away his computer privileges. Figure out if he is paying for porn sites. Be aggressive - you have a right to be mad, but you can save your marriage if it is saveable. Even if you figure out that his tastes are something you cannot abide, that will make it easier to move out. There are plenty of men that would love to love you, and in your 50s the quality of the men might be better even where their sexual prowess is less than 25 years before.