ifonly, You mentioned that this has been going on for sometime but that things were healthy in the beginning. Now, though, there is no physical contact and your DH is also distant emotionally. You also mention that DH is in good physical health and not suffering with depression. Unless DH is angry which can dampen libido or has issues from her past (abuse of some kind) which might need to be addressed, then it is possible that she just might be this way and it is "normal" for her. When people first get together and fall in love there is a change in body chemistry which causes the sex drive to increase so they can bond. After a couple of years it dampens down and the true nature of the person emerges. If that is the case in your situation then some compromise needs to take place on both your parts. That is why it might be a good idea to explore the issue with a therapist whithout making judgments. If she cares about you and you about her you might be able to find a middle ground. If DH is not willing to work out a solution then, when and if that occurs, you will have to make some important choices about your future. Stay with her and accept a life such as you have come to describe or exit the situation. When all means have been undertaken to make a positive change and the situation exhausts you, then the time will come when you must accept life as it is. It is possible that in the no so distant future that you will become an angry man. Someone who will be bitter. You may cheat, or fight a lot, or become jealous of others. If children are involved they will be impacted. Or, you can accept it (and I mean really give up trying to change DH) and be happy in your circumstances by learning not to want or expect more. It is premature to advise a person to leave a marriage. But, you are young without children and have a long life ahead of you. A sexless marriage will necessitate that you change and some cannot easily make the transition so easily. It will be your "cross" to bear. Wishing you and your marriage all the Best with much Hope that your efforts work out Well with a Happy Future ahead of you.

Hello Again, I guess I need to reply to all....First to Popi, I do take care of my husband. If I compared love to picking up empty beer cans an dthe lack of "Compassion" thereof love I DONT WANT IT. My husband is a very good person, willing to help anyone out (Except me) he does work hard to support us and I do appriciate it. The last time our son and I tried to "Take a Drive" and do something nice because we love him we ended up turning around before we were half way there and my then 12 year old ending up in tears. Your house should be a home, a home filled with love and compassion and as I stated earlier, I don't mean just sex. I just had a job interview and start work in a town that is an hour plus away. In my house, If I don't do it, then it dosent get done. Just to make a point, I haven't touched the garbage for a week. It's all stacked up and smelling Really good right now, and guess what... It will still be there next weekend if I don't take it out. A marriage is not a meeting of each other giving 50%, it each one giving 100%. In my house I feel as though I am giving 200%. I cook, clean, do laundry, mow the law you get the picture and all I ask is for a little compassion (Sex would be fine to). His defination of compassion is getting a treat at the grocery store, a pop or a piece of Death by Chocolate Cake... My husbands problem is, he dosent like to be alone. He is not in love with me...I would say he hasnt been for years. He just wants someone in his house to take care of him~ As I also mentioned above, I do love my husband, but I'm not in love. All I have ever asked from him was compassion! I am too young to give up on "Compassion", Suntide, does your husband show you compassion. Because there is much more to life than a "Roommate". I cant and wont tell you to leave, but ask for a little compassion! Thanks! mommof1

Elegant1, your husband does sound like a jerk. An adult should never treat another adult the way he treated you. I don't want this to sound like I am taking his side. What he said was completely wrong. The next question is why might have he said this. I can see a side to what he said that I have felt (but knew better than to ever say out loud). From talking to my buddies...I bet more than one guy has felt that way at least once in a while. I recently checked out this forum after having marriage problems myself. I find it very interresting to see a different perspective to things. You ladies do look at things a whole lot different than a guy does. Communication seems to fail a lot of people (I am still trying to communicate with my wife). In your post, you stated that he never asks for it (sex). It is not always easy to "ask" for sex. It would be great if my wife made the first move once in a while. In the past (years ago) she would hint that having sex would be nice...and then it was up to me to take the ball from there. I am not sure it is true for every guy...but at least for me sex has two parts...and physical part and a mental part. I can "hand'le" the physical part much faster and easier than having sex. What makes it worth while is the mental part. If things become routine...or lack any excitement....it is just easier for me to deal with things myself. Don't get me wrong...things don't have to be a three ring circus every time. It is just nice to be suprised or not have sole responsibility to make things all wonderful. Elegant1, you are correct in saying you are empowered by this. he has communicated (very poorly) that he desires more out of your sex life as well. The trick is to use this information in a manner to get the romance you desire.

My favorite radio talk show psychologist always asks people who call in to complain about their spouses' behaviors "if you won the lottery tomorrow, would you stay or go?" To the people (most of them) that say "go", she tells that money is NO reason to be miserable and that they must start to come up with a plan on how they will be able to support themselves....which is what I would say to you. Although I must say, if you have no kids, and are working as a police officer, then surely you can support yourself to a reasonable level. If, however, you are staying with this dude so you can live at an "elevated" lifestyle, nice cars, vacations, etc.....well you get no sympathy from me, that's just gold-digging....and quite honestly, combine that with the fact that you are cheating on him, well you deserve to be unhappy. I'm sorry to be so harsh but my ex-wife cheated on me twice, I have ZERO respect for cheats.