Return to the Marriage Forum | Post a Follow-Up

 o
Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

Posted by scarlett2001 (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 30, 12 at 22:14

My parents always had a huge fight at the holidays - it was practically a tradition. When I was growing up, I promised myself that I would never turn the holidays into a mess like that - but it's hard. People are stressed, tired, overworked, etc. I bit my tongue bravely this year, went out for a long walk once or twice. I wonder how the rest of you did? Is it the "Most wonderful time of the year" for you or are you also dealing with conflict?


Follow-Up Postings:

 o
RE: Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

I honestly cannot recall the last time DH and I have had a real disagreement. As to the holidays, we've destressed them to a point where that's not a problem anyway. But mostly, we're just 2 people with one brain, and we generally either agree on things or can see the other's point, so there's no real reason to fight.

Now, I will agree, we've been having an intellectual disagreement the past few days. It's the result of the recent incident in a local police station where a person being arrested and processed overpowered the arresting officer, got their gun and ended up shooting 3 policement. DH is adamant that women should NOT be police officers (the overpowered one was a woman). I am just as strong in my support that there should be tough requirements for potential officers to meet and ANYONE who does--man or woman--should be allowed to serve their community. But that's not a fight, more of a debate, one that neither of us is ever going to convince the other to switch sides on.


 o
RE: Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

Fighting isn't always a bad thing.

Most of the time, if couples aren't having open conflict, that means that someone is getting their own way. It's not healthy.

It's not good to fight in front of kids with no resolution - but it is healthy for kids to see conflict, to a point, and see it be resolved with maturity.

Obviously I'm not talking about abusive conflicts of any sort.


 o
RE: Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

Unfortunately, no.


 o
RE: Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

No fighting.
Holidays are a wonderful time for us, as the kids and their spouses come home.


 o
RE: Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

Azzalea, how long have you been married? Sounds like you have reached a Zen-like accord!

Cheerful 1, what happened?

Amyfiddler and LuAnn, my congratulations! I guess most of you are doing better than we are right now.


 o
RE: Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

Well, at one point when I was under the hammer trying to get everything organised in time and DH was doing something that didn't really need doing right at that moment, I considered snapping at him but decided the payoff just wasn't worth the bad feelings it would generate. And it wasn't that important. If we were late, we were late, we wouldn't be _too_ late. So I kept my mouth shut, and when DH was finished and pleased with himself for accomplishing his task, I asked nicely for a hand, which he immediately and willingly gave me.
So, the wise pick their battles. A big fight at Christmas would have to be about something really important for me.


 o
RE: Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

scarlett2001 - basically didn't know how to pick my battles and keeping my mouth shut.

colleenoz - you're a smart woman!


 o
RE: Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

At certain times the differences in attitudes between men/women really show up. Holidays, weddings, etc. Suddenly they seem to be on competely different wave lengths. My DH coasts thru the holidays with great enjoyment, hardly turning a hand to the work that needs to be done. Even after scaling back a lot,I still have the bulk of the stuff to do so everybody can have a nice holiday. It doesn't happen by magic! And that's the time he finally picks to get involved...by criticizing, obstructing, refusing to even clean up after himself, etc. Here's the best part: telling me that I "do too much". He must still believe Santa and the elves bring everything.


 o
RE: Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

IDK... I think it is the individual, not their sex.

DH helps plenty with the holiday preparations. He wraps presents willingly, as well as buying the tree, putting the ornaments on, and a myriad of other things.

Plus, after all this time together, he knows when to stay out of my way, and I know when to ask for his help.

Holidays CAN have "great enjoyment" for all!


 o
RE: Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

No one to fight with here, my life is 95% stress free.


 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!


Return to the Marriage Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.


Learn more about in-text links on this page here