It does suck. My wife cheated on me, but I was no day at the beach either. I compartmentalized my marriage as I do with many aspects of my life. I focused on the woman I first married and minimized the mess. It's hard and took a while (6 months was about right for me). I learned to laugh about the cheating because it beats crying. I don't mean laugh to cover up sadness, but to really see how silly it all is. To compartmentalize the mess part I created one catch phase that I could tell friends if needed, but mostly to tell myself. "She's 300 lbs and living in a trailer." I don't really know what happened to my x and I have no interest because in my head she's 300 lbs and living in a trailer. Pain is the brain dwelling on an event trying to make sense out of something that makes no sense. So I gave my brain an answer...she was dumb and is now 300 lbs and living in a trailer. Visually she's sitting at a kitchen table in a moo-moo smoking and drinking disgusting coffee. Took some training but brain seems pretty happy having an answer and after a while I had no desire to stalk her to see what she was doing, no desire to connect again and try one more time. I have the memory of marrying a great woman, super hot (I even make her more hot in my head), but then she changed into a moron, 300 lbs, and living in a trailer. The appeal faded. The catch phrase also help cut short talking about the mess. The mess is the mess, nothing to be done about that. No amount of talking is going to provide any insight. Cheating is just plain dumb for all parties. Your husband is now with someone who wants to live with a cheater. So lucky her. He will again and he gets to relive this nightmare over and over, so lucky him. That's their mess. Your mess is over, no reason to dwell on that silly crap so I never really wanted to rehash it for friends and family. I'd say the catch phrase, friends did their duty to ask, and we moved on to a more interesting subject. Therapists...if you really need to. I've been to therapists with partners. Some are good, some not. They can be a crutch too. It can be just one more place to dwell and vent. Use caution. Lawyers are there to make money. Use caution trusting what they say. You are the only one responsible for your best interests. Never turn that over to anyone else because it's an illusion. Once again brain trying to trick you. Dumb old brain. Stay away from booze and other drugs. This isn't the time to get dumb. I didn't date for 6 months from the time the divorce was final, no matter who came along. Figured anyone who would date someone in that state wasn't someone I'd be interested anyways. At one point I was considering ending it all...but then I kind of reviewed things and thought "anything I should do first?" I always wanted to going fishing on Great Bear lake...so I should do that first. At that moment a switch flipped...how silly this whole drama was. Many people do go do lots of new stuff, and whatever works is great. But it may be dreaming of stuff is enough to fill your mind with new adventure. I never went to Great Bear lake. Didn't need to. I learned a lot from my failed marriage. Worked on myself (I needed it, not saying you do, but who can't stand with a little improvement) and became a much better husband. I did marry again and have had a great marriage for 15 years. I'm so thankful my x cheated on me. I'd send her a carton of cigarettes and a box of Ding Dongs if I knew what trailer park she was living in.

I almost don't even want to get involved in your post, but I too would be afraid about the time with the kids she would get. The fact that SS was called before would help, but generally unless very well documented and/or hospitalizations are involved, the courts often won't listen to one spouse bad mouthing another (even if it's ture)...and heresay becomes, well heresay. Maybe they will believe the violence it is the son's fault. Gotta tell you, your son really should have let go of the box and should not have shoved his mom even if she did slap him first. Why would he not give her the box if she wanted it? Sounds like he's got some problems himself and is taking after her. Has your son had any problems outside the home? You never know how the courts read things. I wouldn't be so sure she wouldn't get the custody she wants. Good luck; glad you consulted an attorney to get a better sense of what you are up against. I think you may be in a no win situation, but I wish the best for you and your kids.

Thanks for sharing your numbers Jane NY. I really didn't understand why the other realtor seemed offended because I thought our offer was a good starting place! That realtor actually apologized to my realtor for the way she reacted, so that's good at least. Congrats on your purchase! Brickeye you are right that zillow can be inaccurate - they had their zestimate of our current house at $290k about a year ago and now it's at $159k with no explanation. However, they do have our tax assessment and taxes paid listed correctly. Zillow is also a good place to find out how long houses have been on the market and how many times they have been re-listed. Their zestimates mean nothing to me though. At this point I'm almost glad they didn't accept our offer because I'm so excited about the possibility of getting this unfinished house with the great view of the city and river. However, if we can't make a deal on this new house I will go back and put our final offer in writing on the first house. Thanks again to all of you for your input. Kind of makes me wary of buying from a divorcing couple!

Only thing I can add is document everything, and anything she photocopies, put is a safe place even a safe deposit box maybe in your name. Tell her to do a credit check to find out if there are any accounts he has that she is not aware of. It seems to me if her attorney is "too busy" she needs a different one. Is she near a college that has classes for future lawyers. Maybe a grad student could help--as they are pretty sharp. Maybe a legal aid person will help. Just make sure if they are grad students they understand the privacy laws. If the husband wrote his own letters, DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING on the paper. Instead on a separate sheet, got thought/sentence by sentence and clarify the words, but prove what you (she) writes. Check the other forums for ideas. If the children seem to be mistreated, again document with Dr. check ups Meds not being given, when or not etc. Who has primary custody? That should be determined first,. even if CPS is involved. \ I do wish you the best.