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husband. Really?

Posted by doggieden (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 20, 12 at 19:38

I have been married for 25 years. I have 2 children who were born with a life threatening illness. Both medically stable today. Husband has supported family while I handled everything else for the first 17 years. Meaning:He felt his responsibility was to have a job.(while I have been to the hospital more than 500 times.)
He has issues with alcoholism and depression. He has mostly disregarded me. But how do you sum up a lifetime of marriage? All of the sudden he comes out of his depression and is looking towards the future. (Our entire marriage he was unable to look forward, to plan, financial or anything.)He is staying only because we are broke. (He had a tax issue). I have given 200 percent always....I handled the grief...alone. Medical issues...alone. And because I am in a world of not having much of a choice because I would do anything for my kids (Both are mentally challenged), I stay. I always thought that when I was older I would have time to do the things that I enjoyed but have put off. I have been working for the past 6 years. I do not have a degree.I work morning to night with the kids and work and not much extra. And I say "Really?". It was me that kept life moving forward. It comes down to your memories are your own and nobody cares what you have been through.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: husband. Really?

I'm so sorry.

One thing I really urge you to do is to consult an attorney & do what you have to do to protect yourself financially;
so often when someone "suddenly comes out of his depression and is looking towards the future", there's a reason.

just like when he/she suddenly loses that weight, stops smoking, starts going to the gym, etc.

I wish you the best.

RE: husband. Really?

Thank you. I appreciate that.

RE: husband. Really?

There is nothing more exhausting than caregiving regardless of how much love you feel. Never forget you are a hero.

I am sorry your husband was unable to be a fully supportive partner during all those difficult years.

I agree you should consult an attorney. First consulations are usually free. If your income is low, you might also look into Legal Aid or any community assistance organization for legal advice. Maybe you and your husband will stay married but maybe not, and it's better to be prepared.

Keep in mind that regardless of your current financial difficulties, there may still be assets you are entitled to a share of. That would include any company pension or 401k your husband might have.

Keep track of bank accounts, credit cards, tax returns and all relevant paperwork. Make copies where appropriate and keep all documentation somewhere safe. Rent a bank box if you need to. Be very cautious about signing off on any joint tax returns if you think there may be "issues."

Things might improve but it's better to be prepared and not need it than the reverse.

I wish you all the best. You've had a tough road, but it sounds like your kids are a gift and a blessing, so focus on that for now.

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