My husband lies about watching porn & hasnt been intereated in me
confused5704
12 years ago
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tracystoke
12 years agoasolo
12 years agoRelated Discussions
My friend lied to me...
Comments (14)Hi Tisha, This is a mess and a little complicated. And what makes it even more complicated for me to respond is that I don't have enough information. But here is my advice for what it's worth. I think you have every right to be angry, but be careful about what you're angry about. And I will explain that. You have suffered at least a couple of losses here. You have a friendship with M & F as a couple. That couple is disintegrating before your eyes. You have lost a friend, F, as you know it. I would suspect that this friend was considered an honest person to you. Instead she is a liar and a cheat. When we suffer losses we go through a period that involves the following four stages: denial, grief, and anger and finally acceptance. Usually one goes through the stages in the order I described, but he or she doesn't necessarily need to. Right now you are in the anger stage and that's perfectly healthy to be doing so. As long as you don't stay there very long everything will be just fine. The goal will be for you to finally forgive your friend and arrived at the acceptance stage. You might say that you will never forgive her for what she did. Interestingly enough you don't have to. One does not forgive other people for the other person's sake, one forgives for his or her own's sake. And remember that you are forgiving the person, not condoning the action. This is probably the hardest thing to be able to do. People lie because they don't want to look bad. Having an affair is not the most endearing thing to do. It is pretty much socially unacceptable. It is not surprising that she has lied about it And maybe justifiably so. She really doesn't have to tell the truth about whether she is having an affair. Now you said: I figure that she did it so that if M ever asked me straight out, I'd say, "She tells me that you think she's cheating, but she always denies it to me." I figure she was using me to help her coverstory. I think you've hit the nail right on the head. She was covering tracks and she was doing some preemptive damage control. She didn't want to tell you the truth, because then you would have to be the one to lie to M. She may have been thinking that she was doing you a favor by not giving you that information. Another thing you might consider. People don't lie if it doesn't make any difference. She probably lied to you, because she was ashamed of what she was doing and didn't want you to be ashamed of her. In a way, it's kind of a complement. She values your respect. I said earlier that I would explain what you need to be careful about of what you are being angry about. The fact that F is having an affair and cheating on M is really none of your business. That is between F and M. Whether F is honoring her marriage vows is really between her and her husband. He's the one to whom she is doing the injustice, not you. I have a hard time with this one myself. I consider my marriage vows quite sacred. I find infidelity disgusting. I had a hard time watching the movie "The Bridges of Madison County" for instance. I didn't at all agree with the woman cheating on her husband. But it was her husband that she was cheating on not anyone else. This is all a boundary issue. Their marriage is such and deserves to be handled by them. If you start making the the affair your business, you will be placing your boundary across their business. Think about if you were having a marital problems and somebody stuck their nose into it. It's really the same thing for them. Again, I find infidelity really unnerving. I really don't like it because I think the person who does it violates one of the most personal contracts between two people. That said, there are reasons why people have affairs. Specifically, women have affairs for two reasons. They need chaos in their life or they are not getting their emotional needs met by their husbands. Again I don't have enough information here to comment any further. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors for F and M. I will venture, though, that there is a lot more than anyone else knows. So, I don't know if this helps any. This is about all I know about relationships and such. I do know that you do have a right to being angry. The advice I have for you is to try to figure out exactly what you're angry about and take the steps to resolve that anger and finally forgive your friend. She is only human after all and possesses imperfections like all of us do. Take care, Larry...See MoreMy husband stop having sex with me 5yrs ago
Comments (5)What did your husband say about the woman who answered his phone? And what reason could she possibly have had for answering his phone? Where was he when she answered it? What do you mean you were "outdone"? 5 years - it's been 5 years. What was the reason that you moved to separate rooms? You seem to still think that there's a possibility (you said he says you're going to have sex and then it doesn't happen). If he's been saying that for 5 years, I'd suggest facing the fact that it's not going to happen. Frankly, I'd want to get to the bottom of what's going on with this other woman. However, even if there's nothing going on, he's made it clear that there's no way you and he are going to have a physical relationship. But you also say that he doesn't spend time with you, take you out, or even watch TV with you. And you call this a marriage? It might not come as a surprise that I'm going to suggests counseling - your marriage issues seem to go well beyond the bedroom. I think the no sex issue is a result of the rest of your marriage gone bad for some reason. See if he's willing to explore it. I'm guessing not. So you will have to decide if you want to live the rest of your life living with someone, as a platonic roommate, who won't even watch TV with you....See MoreIm sure this has been talked about but needing your input
Comments (14)My EX husband would come home after work (late) and get on those sites. I didn't much care about that... until I realized he had profiles on dating sites/sex sites. He tried to pass it off as "just porn". Yeah.... Hoakie, IMO, it has nothing to do with you being attractive or not. He's bored. It's entertainment. But if he's so boring he can't find anything else to do at night than watch knife sharpening, HSN or porn... well... then he's an idiot. Sorry. I can find TONS of things to do at 1am that don't involve naked strangers. PS Marge, while I think your intentions are good... I would not stay up until 1am to "cuddle" with my husband. Sorry. I had to get up the next morning early. He wasn't waking up with me to get breakfast on the table for the kids, etc. The best part here, I think, is that he admitted it to you straight off. My ex lied. And then lied again. Even when caught red-handed, he lied. That's why I divorced him. He is a liar. Not because he liked porn....See MoreStepson sexually abusing my son? Husband in denial.
Comments (13)In the special needs community, we have an acronym that everyone knows: DID, which stands for Dads In Denial. Deep down inside, Mom knows there is something wrong with her child, but Dad refuses to admit it, refuses to even consider it. Sound like you've got a classic Dad In Denial. Cole sounds like a very deeply troubled young man, and he's chosen sexual ways of acting out, which spread the trauma throughout the rest of the family. Quite simply, that boy needs MAJOR help, and he needs to be separated from the younger children who are not able to adequately protect themselves. (Is it possible Cole was sexually abused? He's certainly acting out in ways that suggest something of the sort...) Not to minimize the trauma to your son -- but I suspect if it ends now and Cole moves out for a while and gets into treatment, that your son will be able to put it into perspective and move on in a healthy way. But if nothing chages? My goodness - What message will this send your kids? As a parent, you simply HAVE to protect them. You have to. They have to know that you, as a parent, will protect them from harm. If your marriage truly is a good one, I'd send all of the kids out for an evening and have a heart to heart with him. PREPARE your side in advance, because you need to say what you need to say, and having it organized and streamlined may be the only way to make sure it happens. Key points: -- Cole needs MAJOR help. He's been acting out for a long time, but his behavior has taken a turn toward sexually victimizing others. In a nutshell, he is acting like a young sexual predator. Cole needs help and as his parents, you and Dad NEED to see that he gets it - NOW. -- Being in the same house with an untreated Cole is dangerous for your children. Your son has already been damaged, at this point, probably not irreparably, but only because the problem was discovered. Now that you know about it, you, as a responsible parent, NEED to act on it. You cannot ask your son to live under the same roof with the brother who sexually abused him. -- You love your husband, your marriage and your family. After much soul-searching, you have come to the conclusion that to save your family, Cole and your children cannot live under the same roof. And because it would be unbearably cruel to 'abandon' Cole all over again, Dad should take him and move out while Cole starts treatment. You can have family dinners together and still be committed to your marriage and family -- but you need to protect your children. Without Dad's help, the family cannot survive. So either he supports the separation, or you need to pursue a divorce. Best of luck to you -- And please, stay strong for your children's sake....See Moreconfused5704
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