I agree with cyn427 "no dating until the papers are finalized" as it reinforces the idea her husband was the cheater. Does that influence the division of property? I don't know anyone who has gone through a cheating situation divorce to ask. Her time should be spent enhancing her work skills, making a plan for the future and perhaps finding a job so she can support herself and pay on her share of the loan. How does she spend her current days? Until she finds something to constructively occupy her time, is able to support herself and develops some self-respect she could be going from one problem relationship to another.

Yes, I think you are correct in that I'm usually very trusting of people. It's not my nature to look for the worst in people and I'd like to think that people will treat me the way that I treat them. However, in the past few years my husband has taught me a valuable lesson in what happens when you are too trusting. When I look back on some of the different situations that have happened I can't believe that it totally slip past me or how deceitful he is as a person. I trusted him to move money out of my checking account to pay monthly expenses until one day when I was trying to make a purchase and the clerk informed me that my debit card was declined. My first thought was my account must have been hacked. On my way home to figure out what had happened I remember how during the past few weeks he kept reminding me that I was spending a lot of money. I only spent what I knew that I could afford to spend and never more than what I was making. His statements should have been a clue. When I went online to view my banking account I saw where he had transfer more than $30,000.00 out of my account over a period of year and half without consulting me. Hence the "you're spending a lot lately". I never really checked my account because I always knew that I had a pretty good cushion for what I wanted to spend. My spending was nothing more than a visit to Walmart every now and then and I knew with the amount of money that I make (retired Federal employee and now a government contractor making six figures) that I really never had to worry about my card being declined. When I confronted him about it the first thing he yelled was "I pay the house note out of my check'! There was about an ounce of truth to his statement with the exception that the money was first transferred from my account to his account and then of course he paid the house note but using my money. What a snake in the dirt! At that point I really just wanted to know what was going on with him so I was willing to sit down and discuss the situation with him but he got angry and slapped me across my face. He told me that I had repeated to him that I didn't really need to know what was going on with the budget just as long as everything was paid and on time. That was his excuse for not telling me that he was taking money out of my account. Well needless to say when he put his hands on me I used his cane and beat the crap out of him. No one, and I mean no one is allowed to touch me in that way and every since that night we have not shared a bed. I knew then that the marriage was pretty much over for me. That happened last March and I'm still trying to figure out how to get out. It can't be that difficult because people do it all the time. I think I need a some sort of life coach to help me to navigate all of the changes that I'll need to make. The other thing that I noticed is that he no longer takes his mom and sister out to dinner and movies anymore and he's not offering to guy rounds when he visits a bar. REALLY?? When I look back at the time that I've spent with him and various situations that are questionable I realize how he's been lying to me all these years. I've had people question me about his comments and how they say he bashes me behind my back. Oh well, I'm sure you're probably bore and have heard enough of me. Thanks for your time. Pam (forgive all errors in this almost book that I've written. I'm writing this while on my break so I don't have much time to proofread.)

Dick and the way he handles his payments or lack of them is really no concern to you...and really doesn't affect what Nick owes. Not only are you taking on Nick's problems, but also Cari's, (who you barely know). Their payments and arrangements are their business and aren't an excuse or reason for Nick to not pay, or pay less. I wouldn't get involve with their legalities just on Cari's word and what you see (maye the in-laws bought the car, someone died and left an inheritance, etc). Nick and Jane's arrangements (and their kids) are the only thing you should even be thinking or worried about. You're focusing too much on personalities and who is right or wrong, what is fair, what should be, etc...when, in fact, you should be focusing on solving the actual problems.... getting all the orders to stop, getting money back if due for the oldest when not in school, making sure the billing is set up right for the kid's medical bills, and making sure your stuff is protected if you marry, right? How Jane is living, and how big a bit&h she and Dick may be really doesn't matter. Your hatred for them is going to drive you crazy. They are not worth worrying about. Repeat, they are NOT worth it. Quit thinking about fairness and try to resolve only what needs to be resolved that you can afford to do. Life isn't fair and people aren't nice and you will probably never be able to change Dick and Jane...They've taken enough from you financially, don't let them take your psyche and relationship too.

This site looks like they charge $9.99 for the forms--not bad if you can't find free ones. (You are in Alabama, right? If not, you can click for other states.) But first I'd recommend you call the courthouse. I know you said there's nothing on their website, but maybe they have the forms available in person. Hugs, SadieSadie Here is a link that might be useful: Alabama divorce papers