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Those with adult nieces & nephews...

Posted by debi_2006 (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 31, 07 at 14:42

This may sound like a strange question, but I'm curious:

If you have adult nieces and nephews who live on their own, with or without their own husbands/wives/kids, do they come and visit you since you are their Aunt/Uncle?

OR

In order to ever see them, do you find that you must visit them.

Do they ever call you or email just to say hi, how are things?

How close are you with your brothers or sisters adult children? And how often do you see them?

What is the norm and is there a norm about this when kids grow up. I didn't have any aunts/uncles when growing up.

Thanks for your feedback.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Those with adult nieces & nephews...

In my case, it's all geography. All of my aunts and uncles were 1,000+ miles away from me growing up and also once I reached adulthood, so I rarely visited them and frankly, hardly know them.

My husband's aunt was like a second mother to him, and his brother and sisters all live in the same city we do. Our now-adult nieces and nephews grew up with their cousins and we're all very close. Not a holiday goes bu when we don't see almost all of them.

As for regular social visits -- Not really. Mainly just the holidays when it's the whole extended family.


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RE: Those with adult nieces & nephews...

I agree with Sweeby--its all about geography. I barely know some of my nieces or nephews as they live in florida and I live in California but we go to their weddings.


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RE: Those with adult nieces & nephews...

Thanks sweeby and Marge.

Okay...but for those whose nieces and nephews are close-by as oppose to far away, do you visit them, and do they visit you?

I'd like to hear from you if they are local, and by that I mean within one hour away.

Thanks.


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RE: Those with adult nieces & nephews...

I think in general, family relationships have deteriorated in this generation. I always saw my aunts and uncles who lived nearby and exchanged cards and letters with those who did not. But today everything seems more disinterested. I stopped sending my niece and nephew who live across the country presents, checks and cards because I never got even a thank you, so I figure they are over 21 and adults now. It's really too bad, but how long are you going to continue a one-way relationship? I would rather get into a mentor program and help some deserving local student.


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RE: Those with adult nieces & nephews...

What a good question...

I have only one aunt. We live about a half an hour from each other now. We do see each other of course at family functions, like at my parents house or such. I do call here and there and she does as well, not too often though. My aunt does my eyebrow waxing lol, so i do go to her house for that besides just visiting. She does not visit me but I visit her. When it comes to my brother, he never calls my aunt and does not visit. So he only sees her at family events.

Both of my niece and nephew still live at home, 2 blocks from me :). When they will be grown, I will be the one who will be calling and visiting. i am pretty sure they will not be calling me. We have good relationship but that's just how it goes. My nephew is 18, still in school and lives at home, I do call him personally to ask how is school but the only time he calls is to return my phone call. But then again my brother doesnot call our parents, they call him.


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RE: Those with adult nieces & nephews...

My adult niece lives 30 minutes away. She doesn't stop by on a whim, but I see her several times a month. Sometimes she comes along if I'm doing something with my sis (her mother) or my mom (her granny). Things like shopping, bowling, movies or to see a play.

She's a single mom to a special needs child and works full time, so she doesn't have a lot of free time. She calls to find out if I have time to see the baby if she happens to be near my house for any reason. I do the same if I'm near her place. I can't imagine she'd ever just stop by for a chat, though.

Her brother, my adult nephew, recently moved to Texas. He never called or visited when he lived nearby except for holiday family gatherings. I'm sure he'll come over whenever he comes back to CA for a visit. He always calls to say thanks for gifts or cards that I send.


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RE: Those with adult nieces & nephews...

I have a neice who is only 5 yrs my junior and is more like my little sister than a neice. We are actually working on a cookbook together and live about 20 miles away from each other.

I also have 10 other neices and nephews who are married and also have children. I see them every holiday and call them from time to time (as a few of them do me). We all talk a lot but we're a close tight family.


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RE: Those with adult nieces & nephews...

I have five nieces and nephews, two of whom are adults (21 & 22) and living on their own. The other three are 16, 16 & 17. I am amazed that all of the kids come to see me, and call me occasionally. Actually three of them called or came by this week asking me if I wanted to join the gym with them. ROTFL!! That is just amazing to me that these kids would even consider asking me, their "old" aunt, to join the gym with them. I feel truly blessed...

I still visit with several of my aunts and uncles too, so I guess it "runs in the family".


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RE: Those with adult nieces & nephews...

I have one blood niece, one nephew who was adopted by my sister at about age 4, and a niece and nephew who are foster kids (not related to me by blood, not adopted).

We only see each other at big family gatherings--and not even all the time then. I have a daughter who does communicate with and get together with her cousin regularly. They're very close.

Partly, I agree that geography plays into it. None of the nieces and nephews live too close to me. Nearest one is going to school about 45 miles away, the farthest lives 1000 miles away.

Partly, it's a lifestyle thing. Of mine--one is married with 2 children, working long hours to support his family; one is going to college, taking a very difficult and time-consuming major and has little free time at best; other two are expecting, and are very busy with just getting by on a day to day basis.

And lastly, I think it's a generational thing. I don't hang around with people who are 30-40 years older than I, and I can certainly appreciate that my nieces and nephews probably don't see a lot of common ground between us

As to my aunts/uncles? I see one aunt a couple of times a month--I'm basically her support system, and in charge of her affairs if anything should happen to her. But I haven't seen any of my other aunts/uncles for many years, except at funerals/weddings (and not always then--the ones who live half the country away didn't make it here for Mom's funeral last month) Not that I wouldn't like to see them, but our lives have diverged, and we all have so many responsibilities on our plate that sometimes there just isn't time for visiting back and forth.


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RE: Those with adult nieces & nephews...

No I don't expect them to and my feelings aren't hurt at all.


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