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judomanruiz

My fiancée hates my 20 month old son.

Judomanruiz
12 years ago

Hi I'm new to the forum and I needed some advice regarding my fiancee. I really do love my fiancee but it saddens me and also pisses me off to know that she really hates my 20 month old son. I told her at the beginning of our relationship about him. I gave her some time to get used to him before I asked her out. I gave her some more time before we moved in together and before I asked her to marry me.

I don't understand why she harbors such ill feelings towards him. Granted she's his step parent now and I understand she not related to him biologically but even still. She claims that the reason she hates him is because "he hates her". He's 20 months old. He prefers me because I'm his dad and he spends half his time with me and the other half with his real mom. I was there every single day watching him. I used to be a stay at home dad while I continued my studies. He's used to having me around. My fiancee doesn't like being around him because when she touches me, goes for a hug or a kiss he cries. Funny thing is this happens with my own family as well. She doesn't try to spend time with him because as soon as he gets upset she gives up. She said it was a lot easier being around him before I asked her to marry me. She said he's never acted like this before but truth is he always did. She's now been with us for an entire year.

Here's the other thing I know shes 21 and not ready for children but I'm 21 also and my life changed drastically after I found out my ex was pregnant. I wasn't ready at all for this just like my fiancee is now. She has this notion that when you're a young parent that you aren't going to do anything with your life and you're always going to be a dead beat. Well guess what I continue to go to school and although I'm no longer a stay at home dad I still work and take care of all of us including two dogs. I have an awesome job, a brand new Nissan Xterra, I rent a house. How am I a dead beat. My credit is amazing. I'm living my life the way I should.

She thinks taking care of dogs is easier because "they're not babies". She likes to tell me that If I wasn't a dog person she wouldn't be with me or if I hated her dog then she would leave me. To her there is always a difference. She's super passionate about dogs and I'm super passionate about my son. So whats the difference?

What am I doing wrong? I love her and I'm being selfish for my own reasons by not leaving her. All my coworkers tell me to leave her. Am I an idiot. I grew up as a step child I know how it feels to have your step mom hate you with absolute passion. I don't want that for my son.

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