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the_good_wife

Cheating Husband

The-Good-Wife
9 years ago

I met my husband 23 years ago. We married 1.5 years later. He was an officer (yes military) and a gentleman. He had a very poor upbringing, alcoholic mom and parents fought a lot and broke up finally when he was 12. Only brother commited suicide in his late teens. I always felt protective of my husband, made a lot of excuses for his behavior, and wanted to give him the family life he never had. As soon as we were married my husband became very critical of me and would not talk to me at times. I would try to talk to him but he always turned and left the room. I blamed his actions on his never having a good example set for him when he was growing up. I loved him unconditionally and although he often hurt me would just accept it as trying to discuss my feelings with him only made me feel emptier. We moved a lot because of his career. My career took a backseat even though it was me who had the degree as it was easier for me to find a new job than for him to give up a career he loved. Our three children are close in age and are now all teenagers. My husband rarely helped me with the kids and actually appeared resentful of them as they took my attention away from him. Now that they are older he is more interested in them especially when he wants to appear like father of the year to people. His facebook page is a series of look what I did with my kid when just hours before he was the meanest father ever. I think my husband is a narcissist. Anyways I got the email at work, 'WE NEED TO TALK" When I got home that evening he complained that we were not having sex often enough. I agreed and said that he'd have to actually talk to me during the day, and actually go to bed with me instead of being on his computer all the time. I told him he was withdrawn and I stated that I thought he was cheating on me, My husband was in was of his I am Superior moods and advised me that he has had feelings for the woman he dated before we ever met, as he had loved her (she was married) and after we were married 11 years he began a sexual affair with her which he has now decided 11 years later that he wants to not be involved with anymore. He also told me that when we were on vacation, he contacted an old high school friend, drove around on his father motor bike with her and then went back to her place to have sex and finally when he was on the way home from a year away on his ship he met a woman at a port and they had sex. When he got home he stayed 4 days and then went away for a "meeting" but it was actually to meet up with this woman again. This is the one that hurts the most as during that year away my daughter became very ill and was hospitalized for 3 months and my other daughter was also diagnosed with the same condition but less severe and was in the hospital fro two weeks and months as an out patient. Once my daughters were released from the hospital I had to take a 6 month leave from work to care for them at home as they still needed to go to the hospital several times a week. My husband refused to come home during this time as he was doing the "tour of his career " I wanted him to come home as I too became ill as I was exhausted and we do not have any family around. The girls doctors also told him he needed to come home but he refused. Lets just say I have been through a lot. Three years have now passed and the girls are now recovered thank god. My husband is only resentful of the illness and blames them for it, When I found out about the cheating I was very angry and was going to move out, but then I became frozen with fear and could not do it. I decided to try to forgive my husband. Then my husband starting to tell me how he wanted me to give him more blow jobs and how I should do it as apparently I am not very good at it, Well this started to give me a lot of anxiety and finally I told him I was tired of being compared to the other women he was sleeping with, He wanted us to have sex with other couples or he said he was a voyeur and would like to see me have sex with other people and he would watch. Well his is not the man I thought I married and it is certainly not my cup of tea at all. I have decided I cannot be with him anymore. Now he is picking fights from the moment I get up or get home. It is awful. I just want to live my life and raise my kids but he is making my life HELL. How can I get him out of my house, out of my life. He is a highly respected big wig in the military with a superiority complex. I have no family where we are living for support. He is trying make me get angry so I will look like the BAD guy in all of this to the kids although they aren't that stupid, they have lived a lifetime of his behavior and know the truth. I need advice. Please give me advice on how to deal with this horrible situation.

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