Husband flirting on facebook - Help Please - sorry it's so long
gifgurl
15 years ago
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silversword
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agocatlettuce
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Please Help! Husband chopped it!
Comments (21)Well while you hubby did do a rather half-____ job of it, as others have noted, it could have been far far worse. Before making any final recommendations as to what else to trim, I would say that Purp's suggestion of additional photos from other angles would be wise. Based on your photo, I would say you will likely want to cut off the branch in the red box. However, those other angle pics would be helpful to see first. There is no rush for additional pruning nor will having been pruned in the fall be an issue. (If I prune mine, it is almost always done in the fall. Root pruning, on the other hand, I only do in the late spring.) Spring would be fine. In the mean time, you can "sit back" and try to envision just where you'd like to take this plant shape-wise. NOTE: I have NO idea what area of Canada you are in, and I know there can be a very wide range of winter conditions. So the advice I provide now may or may not be highly applicable. But -- assuming you get long cold, winters and have dry heating -- don't be surprised if your hib loses some leaves. It's not uncommon, IME. It's nothing to freak out about. Because your shrub has lost so much of its canopy pay very close attention to your watering. It will NOT be able to use as much water as it otherwise would have. During the sun-poor, cooler winter months, keep the soil more on the dry side. Do not bother fertilizing at this time. If your conditions are similar to mine, you will get little to zero growth this time of year. That, again, is normal -- and in many respects actually very desirable. Essentially, your hib will be entering a semi-dormancy period as conditions for active growth over the winter are far from optimal for us northerners. If the plant is not actively growing, it will have no use for the fertilizer....See MoreI need some major help making a kitty decision (sorry so long!)
Comments (14)Cat mom and all, no one's saying the cat WOULD become a biter but only there is a real RISK of aggression problems or other personality changes. Is it worth the risk when there may be options with a more certain or sure outcome? The point is you shouldnt think of it as a "last resort," because there is a real chance it would NOT solve the problem. How I manage a similar situation is to do sort of a time share - my old 20 yr old cat stays in the bedroom 8 am - 8 pm, then gets the run of the house 8 pm- 8 am when I put the new cats downstairs in the basement (there's couches and stuff downthere and I feed them when they go downstairs so they have pleasant associations. What makes this work is that its so highly routine - cats just LOVE routine and predicatability, same things happening at the same time each day. What was NOT working was just trying to keep them separate in random, unpredictable ways. Everyone has settled down knowing they each have their own space and own times for occupying the "common area." In the wild, cats often make these same types of arrangments to "time-share" an area. If youre not up for that.... do consider finding another home. Ive done it many times, found home for cat in an unfortunate situation. There is a way of screening people and making sure its a good home - I could tell you more if you want. There's always the long difficult process of getting cats used to each others smell, and build up their tolerance for each other. But Im thinking because the ragdolls are so passive and unable to defend themselves (are they? Ive never had one) that might actually be triggering the other cat's dominance and urge to drive them out of the territory. Nature and feline territorial behavior is not pretty sometimes. In my case I decided I just could NOT put my old 20 yr old cat, deaf and arthritic, through the attacks she was getting from the 1 young new cat I brought into the house. She could not defend herself and she was literally getting knocked down, clawed, bitten and terrorized and she started peeing out of the box she was so freaked out. Now, Im happy to report, she is feeling secure again and her old self....See Morewhat to do with troublesome family members (sorry, very long)
Comments (7)My problem is not about marriage! Mine is about my eldest, who loves to degrade me, talk about me to her friends, get them to believe she knows me SO WELL, that whatever she says about me is absolutely the truth! She will tell me, she is JUST TRYING TO HELP ME,that I have problems, that no one knows about but her, then she blasted me on an internet page, (not in private) but so E1 could read it, about something I did 2 mos ago and saying the current incident is THE SAME thing but that she stood up for me anyway, when another family member I now live with said I lied,(which I didn't). Anyway,twice, she had asked me to live with her, to help me financially, after becoming disabled and was struggling but both times, it was a disaster, and of course,(I got the blame) even though I stay to myself, respect others in the home,tried not to get work dumped on me. But both times I got accused of not doing ANY of that! And of course,also, SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT! If I would have my own opinion on ANYTHING...she would correct me, telling me and others how WRONG I am! We have mutual friends and I think she is also jealous of that! One of my other daughters has told her to stay away from her and her family, that she was no longer welcome in their home because she related her husband to someone else, that he is totally not like at all. A mutual friend on an internet site, doesn't talk to her anymore, and I recently asked her why that was, and she said she HONESTLY didn't know, she just quit talking to her? I just read the post on: "TOXIC Relationships"! And believe me, most of it has been going on for about 3 plus yrs. between us. I have stopped talking to her in the past, due to this behavior toward me but if she approached me and apologized,(which isn't often but she will do it, if there's a benefit in it somewhere)...or so it seems?...I have given her the benefit of the doubt and we have started hanging out again! It's funny how the very things she accuses me of, she does herself but somehow, the WAY she does it, is still better than me! I just moved out the last time at the end of Feb 11 and moved in with another fam. member because I had no where to go. She didn't ask me to move out but it wasn't pleasant, so decided it was best for me! (all involved)!I think she's jealous as I said about a mutual friend because I had asked her to go places with me without my daughter and so? Her and I get along! my daughter has told me to SHUT UP in public and embarrased me, and our friend said "respect her, that's your Mom". And she'd say, "I'm just playing"! For some reason she had gotten into this bad habit of saying this and even has said it to her husband making him mad too! However, she has gotten over that mostly! Her and her husband had their own problems and needed help, that's ok but now that they are, she advises others, as though she's all fixed and can/should tell others their problems and "learn from this" is what she likes to say now! I have made my mistakes ,I'm human but when I did said I wouldn't do it again and didn't but this last thing she decided to advise me on was similiar but not exactly the same thing happened but she isn't SAYING it but doesn't believe me about it! And when I told her she was wrong about it and me, she just kept going on and on about it and I asked her to quit, that I can kick my own butt all by myself. That I already felt bad about the situation and her rubbing it in wasn't helping!BUT she just kept on, so I said what I had to say and decided it was best to not talk to her and had to delete her off my internet page so I don't get her messages! It's too tempting for me to reply and I just don't need her "helpful" advise or hurtful words! I have felt like crap over all this happening! This is my eldest daughter! I've asked her to respect me, even if she didn't like things I DO! I don't go out of my way to say hurtful things to her! But even in common talk, she will begin YELLING..just to say something like she's anticipating a neg. reply before I speak, so I am already on the defense myself and YELL back! It is utterly ridiculous! ANd I have never liked it! But I can't get her to see her part in it! Even her best friend said,I dont argue with her, cause she has always GOT TO BE RIGHT! And her room mate that lives with them asked me a couple of times,"Why do you argue with her, just ignore her, smile and say BLESS YOUR HEART"!(but she either tells her off or kisses her rear end) and my daug. makes extra money off her for staying there? Well back then, I didn't realize the arguing is what she wanted to prove her point as to why she is always right! But if you tell her that, she will say "No she doesn't need to be"! SO, once again, I am having to just stay away from her,& not talk to her! It feels awful! But if I say look Im done, I can't take this anymore, you won't quit, she will say, "why do you treat me so mean"? "I do everything for everyone and this is how I get treated by everybody"! Gee, I don't know..hmmm!So here I am, on the net, looking up this problem to see, if I am wrong! But from what I've read, it is on her! Her own LOW SELF-ESTEEM, and she needs to do this! OMG, this is heart-breaking to me! She had me convinced for so long, that I was just a terrible Mother and making all these mistakes. Not when she was young, she had the utmost RESPECT for me! But as an adult, she has turned against me! And I honetly don't know why! She once said, she just didnt trust ANYONE anymore after her 2nd husband molested her kids!(13 yrs.ago and lots of counciling). That is where she lost trust! I can understand that but why me? I didn't do those things! Sorry this is so long but it DOES help to get it out! Without burdening my friends and family of hearing it ALL AGAIN! AND she doesn't WANT anyone TO THINK ANY OF IT IS HER FAULT! Never, ever,NEVER!!!! SO, I guess I do just have to stay completely away!?? That is so sad!She can seem so very caring and giving but I tell you, it will benefit her in the end! I did the best I could with what I knew raising my children, I have 4. 3 girls and one son! And the others don't treat me like this! And I'm not sure she treats them anywhere near how she does me! I don't hear all their conversations! Other than the other oldest(my 2nd) telling her to stay away since Thanksgivng I think? Or just around Christmas! By the way, she is 42, not a child! Anyway, thank you for letting me vent! Don't know if anyone has any comments or has had this kind of problem but it would be nice to hear whatever will help!? Thanks... CS...See Moreadvice please-long sorry
Comments (40)mingirl, I can understand why you put your foot down for that weekend. It was not because of the kids. It was to make a point to your SO's ex that she cannot have it her way all the time. She had it her way for 7 years because your husband did not want to stand up to her or ruffle feathers for the sake of his kids. But i find it two faced because she says it was too early for her kids but your kids had to see your SO? Either way, its her kids, she made the decision, your SO accepted, you had no choice but to accept it. And i totally understand why this would upset you that all the sudden its ok for her kids to not only come over but to sleep over because she is now married. The weekend was special to her and i understand her point for wanting private time with her new husband. BUT she should have arranged for her kids to be with other family members because this situation comes across as hypacritical on her part since she didnt' want them to see you for 7 years but now its ok cause it suits her benefit for her own personal needs. She should have sent them elsewhere. This is not about the kids. Its about the fact that biomom prohibited a relationship with your SO family (you and your kids) for the benefit of her kids. She's allowed to change her mind...but...i think it would have been best to do this gradually between the two family instead of suddenly and frankly she didn't want a relationship with you guys and all the sudden she does this to her benefit. I think you did the right thing for yourself to stand up and put your foot down and say, i dont have my kids this weekend and i do not want any other kids around for this particular weekend. LEts not stray from the thread people. Mingirl wanted this particular weekend to herself. THis means not even her own kids were with her. Andyour SO did do the right thing by rentign a hotel. I also had days when i would just leave all the kids behind and spend a day to myself. We all need those days. It was just unfortunate that it happen to be the same weekend biomom choice for her anniversary weekend getaway. That is all. Let it all ride over and do not feel guilty for having time yourself. Explain it to your SO. I just also find it odd that SO would go over there and his kids didn't even tell them that their mom was married. Its odd but i can believe it can happen. My SKIds also kept a secret from their dad for 4 months as well. Their mom had moved her SO into the house and kept it a secret. My husband picked up his kids everyother weekend and he honestly didn't know until i looked at his kids one day and said your mom has a boyfriend in the house and i know she does. I'm pretty good at reading body language and biomoms phone habits changed......See Moreiloveexercise
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