Hi... i've posted my story on the stepfamily forum- am currently breaking up with BF after 13 months- came to realization that he is a controlling person. Just posting here to vent about his terrible gift giving. Some of this may be selfish of me: Birthday - his daughter's birthday was 2 weeks before mine. For her birthday, he told ex he would pay for the party ($300). Ex bought snacks for the kids (?$50)We went together to get her birthday presents- he picked out at least 5 or more outfits for her, wanted to make sure she had lots of gifts to open (his own words), spent $150? My birthday two weeks later: I got flowers sent to my work. Got home, he gave me a birthday card, handed me a small box & said "Sorry, I kinda ran out of money, but I wanted to make sure you had something to open". Inside the box was a decorative coin jar, the lid had a baker figurine, and the jar was titled "Extra Dough". I was very disappointed, but hid it. He explained that since cooking together was a thing that we liked to do together, he thought it would be cute. Then took me out to dinner at a really nice steakhouse (I don't eat meat except for seafood- which they had), and given his money comment, I was very budget conscious that night. I tried to let go of if, but it kept eating away at me so a few days later I brought it up that I felt he didn't place much importance on my birthday - compared it to how he basically spared no expense for his daughter (didn't ask ex to split cost), but then when it came to my birthday it was "sorry, i ran out of money". Wanted to make sure she had lots of presents to open, but got me a coin jar! He then told me I was wrong for making him feel bad about spending money on his daughter. He told me that he could have chosen not to take me out to an expensive dinner, and not to get me flowers. I just felt that he could have budgeted better - knowing he had two birthdays, he could have asked ex to split the party costs, but chose not to (another issue that always came up). 1st Anniversary - relationship was already on the rocks. The week before, I mentioned I was thinking of buying myself some jewelry (had some gift cards to use). He didn't want me to, said that he was thinking of doing something nice for our anniversary and buying me a necklace to match a ring that I have. I said he should do that if it's what he wants to do - me buying a necklace for myself would not be as meaningful as something from him, and that besides I hadn't bought anything with the gift cards yet, and might still choose to buy something else. I didn't have much enthusiasm when discussing the anniversary, but since he brought it up, after that i kept bringing it up - asking him what he would like - should we go out for dinner, cook a special meal, etc - he said we'll play it by ear & never made any definite plans although I kept bringing it up. Day of our anniversary, he said "happy anniversary" in the morning. We met up after work. I had my gifts and card laid out for him on the bed. He got me nothing. I was furious and hurt. Even afterwards, he didn't make it up by planning something for us, or even getting me a card or a gift. His reason - he didn't think I was very interested in celebrating b/c I didn't seem very excited about it so he didn't plan anything (true I wasn't all energetic & excited, but I did get him card & gift b/c I thought it was the right thing to do), and he didn't "want to be the jerk who shows up with a present" when the other person doesn't (so I was the jerk?), and that he never made it up afterwards because I made him feel so bad about it.

I had forgotten to address some of the questions to the earlier posting - but I don't have a prayer of having any seating at that proposed island - I'm a realist. What I would like is to have an island which is an added benefit to the kitchen, not just one squished(?) in. I was considering pushing the island more towards the stove, as Rhome mentioned and then moving the fridge to the right also - making the utility/roll-out cab smaller. As to moving the fridge to the left as Eastbaymom mentioned, then the island would truly become, in Buehl's words, a barrier island. I don't worry so much about moving traffic around it, but rather, pulling it out for repair. It's ONLY 5 years old, but I'm not ready to get rid of it. Ideally, a counter-depth would fit in and make sense there - but not until some date in the future unless this one truly dies!! As calimama said, the peninsula boxes in the eating area. An island, if one can circumnavigate it, would definitely improve this kitchen. My sticking point, I guess, is the space between the eating area and the island. If the chairs closest to the peninsula are pushed in and not being used, there's 21" behind them. I can scoot the placement of the island over a couple of inches, but I probably couldn't get anywhere near 15"- I don't think. Maybe I just don't have the vision for this. Helene

From Emily Post "Q: I am throwing a birthday party for my son and want to invite his whole class. I donÂt want other parents to be inconvenienced and would rather this be a B-day party with no gifts. Of course we will have a dinner and give presents from family and close friends after the class party is over. How do I let parents who I donÂt know well know that they should not bring gifts? A: Gifts are expected for birthday and anniversary parties, but when honorees really donÂt want presents, their wishes should be respected. In the past, any reference to gifts on invitations was considered in poor taste, because guests were assumed to know the occasions when gifts were obligatory, and even today, itÂs incorrect to mention gifts on wedding invitations. But in light of the current gifts-for-every craze, itÂs a courtesy to inform guests when presents are not expected. The etiquette is to write "No gifts, please" at the bottom of the invitation  or to tell invitees when inviting them in person or by phone. When you receive an invitation with such a request, it should be honored. Showing up with a present when asked not to would embarrass the hosts, the honoree, and other guests who, correctly, didnÂt bring anything. If you want to give a special token of affection, you may do so at another time." See - it's fine to put "no gifts, please" on your invites. And I don't see anything wrong with having folks bring a dish to share instead of gifts. Do what you want and have fun!

Ahhhh, Hi Alice. Haven't seen you in a while. Yes, we tell people to just SOB but when you've read the same post for years, we have a tendency to want to reach out and slap some sense into a fellow KTer. How hard is it to be grateful for the little things? (and I'm not saying $100 is a little thing). But evidently SamKaren has been there 13 years....she shouldn't expect anything more. I'm sorry she's unhappy with her Christmas gifts or rather, the lack of appreciation she feels from the departments. And since I'm not there to observe their working relationship, I'll just say this: I've been in secretarial jobs before and I certainly didn't receive or expect gifts from everyone in the department. Some people's glass will always be half empty or even cracked. We can continue to fill it for them over and over or help them fix their glass. Sometimes "handholding" just doesn't help. I do wonder if her unhappiness is apparent in her relationship with her co-workers? If she's truly that unhappy, perhaps she should look for a job where she will feel more appreciated. Me? I have two sons in college with the next semesters tuition due soon so my DH and I didn't exchange gifts. It was a quiet Christmas with friends and family. With the cost of everyday living rising with no end in sight, I think a lot of people are trimming their gift giving budget. I don't base how good my Christmas was on what I received. It makes me sad that year after year, SamKaren feels jilted by her co-workers. That's not what Christmas is about.