34 weeks pregnant; so unhappy with husband
jjaymo
16 years ago
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16 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Sudden death of my 34 year old husband
Comments (6)I suddenly lost my husband 7 wks ago after 34 yrs of marriage. He just retired after 30 yrs at a job he hated and was finally doing something he loved. We had all kinds of dreams and we had just started to enjoy them, now I have to make new dreams for myself without him and I don't like it. I cry all of the time, and I have learned to stay away from people so I don't have to deal with their thoughtlessness. Unfortunately they mean well but because they haven't been through what we are going through they have no idea what will comfort us. Though nothing comforts us at this time. I'm not going to tell you that it will get better, I "hate" it when people tell me this because right now I can't think about tomorrow. Take one day at a time, don't think about tomorrow it will come soon enough and you can deal with it then. You just lost your husband, you need to take care of yourself and cry, cry, cry and then cry somemore. It may not seem as though it is helping but 5 weeks from now it will. You will have your good moments and your bad moments, and your bad moments will be more often then the good ones. This is normal for someone grieving a loved one. I have been reading books on grief written by professionals who have experienced a loss of a spouse and they have helped me to realize all of the emotions I am feeling and going through are normal...as normal can be. Please take care of yourself and hug your children whenever you need him because he is in them. Keep 'blogging' trust me it helps to put it into words. Hugs, Karen...See Moregreat new i am so happy(not pregnant) lol
Comments (18)Thank you all for the congrats.. Jannie, yes everything is so expensive.. We have to pay almost 800.00 for lawyer taxes etc, plus our downpayment.. Gas is costing 50.00 to transfere over cause there is no meter there, Everything cost money, we might be eating peanut butter sandwiches but at least it will be in our new home lol. This is my third marriage and while i would like a wedding wedding, I don't have any family here and we want to go on a honeymoon neither one of us has been on a honeymoon and we want to put money into our house, so we will just go the quicky justice of the peace type wedding then have a wonderful Cruise.. Money is better spent in the house and better investment I think.. I am happy regardless, I love him so much and he is taking good care of me while I heal..... Oh I messed up my ankle over a month ago been through xrays and mri and its just so badly sprained its taking along time to heal. I am out of work till I am 100% better cause its not safe for me if I cant walk down stairs yet (emt).........See MoreSo it begins...SD home for about a week
Comments (31)I'm surprised you didn't leave a long time ago thurman. Knowing that your wife would take her over you. Its funny. But my husband and i were discussing power and relationships just last night because my sd was caught in a down right lie. A big one and in fact her own mother didn't know, found out during the lie because she got ont hephone with my husband and my husband was asking her wtf is going on? and she didn't know...they both figured out that their daugther was playing tag team. Oh boy. did her mother let her have it last night and her father let her have it. What i found sad is the main gutt feeling about my sd was completely confirmed last night. That i cannot trust her and that i was right to disengage from her a few years back and to make a stand with my hubby how i felt about her and where my future involving decisions about her stands. What i was proud of last night, was my husband standing up for himself and for our marriage. Thurman, if your wife never stood up for you, why did you stay? For me, i would never have stayed in a marriage if power lay in a childs hands. My dh andi discussed in detail that we agree that power will never lie in his daughters hands. Not even an inch..not a thread. Because its now in the open. She lied. And her own mother was shocked last night and pretty peeved. come ot think of it, i wouldn't be surprised if sd was the cause of problems for her marriage. My sd admitted to me once, i asked why do they fight, her answere' they fight alot because of me, because of what i do and say. Then why do you do what you do? sd' i dont know, but i dont liek him and i dont' care' So what do you do with that? i feel sorry for bm having to deal with that attitude...but she's a tough woman. im sure she handles it. I told my dh, what if the situation was reversed and your daughter didn't like me?, he said its her tough, i'm married with you and she will grow up as well and marry someone as well. That's life. But that is reality thurman. Your wife doesn't stand by your side. Why did you stay?...See MoreSD Pregnant - Retirement Plans Shot
Comments (4)Hey LouiseDawn, I can at least offer a silver lining of hope that I see in your situation. If SS is in college and SD is in grad school, there is at least some hope that they will be successful and eventually make enough money to finance their own lives. I also believe your situation will get better with time. I look back and I don't know how in the world I got through the last six years with my husband's family, but I did which is the important part. Having no prior experience at all in a step situation as step mother or step child, I was CLUELESS and felt guilt for the feelings of resentment I had and still sometimes have towards them and their father. I at least feel better to know that I am not this evil person for having these feelings anymore. That's a start. It seems that the biggest hurdles towards happiness in these situations most of the time are SDs for SMs. SSs seem to have a different relationship with their fathers that doesn't trigger that "drop everything and go be a hero" button in their fathers like SDs. I finally won the trust of my SD (I think) and she doesn't try to push my buttons anymore to create conflict. She had a bad experience before me with SM #1 so I have tried to take all that into consideration to cut her some slack and focus on the long term goal of all of us getting along. These days SD's biggest offense is using the guilt her father feels to manipulate him into openning the checkbook for her whims. All children manipulate, but steps have an easier time because they can use the guilt of their broken home life to loosen the purse strings. This has been the core of my own turmoil but has nothing to do with the purse at all. There is no reason for their father to feel guilt other than simply building a life with me, which hurts me because I have no regrets and his guilt feels like regret to me. BM left them all when the children were toddlers. There were 12 years between the time BM left and I met my husband so that breakup can't be put in my lap. He's paid for their tuition solely and provides for them to be more than comfortable. Why should he feel guilt? I FORCED him to discuss these feelings this week and it seems to be helping. He's finally recognizing that his guilt isn't all meritted here. Sometimes his children just didn't go to classes that we paid for and sometimes they told us stories that sounded good while they just did their own thing. They are in their 20's and should have some accountability in their lives. Other than walking them to class and doing their homework, I really don't see what else we could have done. He finally seems to also understand that my concerns aren't dollars and cents but the part we are playing in a pattern that insures failure in the future of our children, who just aren't prepared for the world. The biggest part of our job as parents is to prepare our children to become adults in this world (I think women get this where men don't. Men seem to want to be providers or heros.). If they aren't prepared, their growth is stunted and they lack confidence in themselves and their decisions in life. I am hoping that now he is getting past the guilt and focusing on helping to prepare them for the world (NOT dump them, just set boundaries and expectations that aren't forgotten later) we can work together to repair the damage. Is that such a terrible thing to be want for your children? I want that for my own bio son so how can that be a bad thing? I do not "know it all", but I feel like in your case, you should hang in there, support your husband and insist that you communicate on these issues together. Divided you fall, after all. Try to look at everything with honest objectivity. Yes, it is normal to have these feelings of resentment, but then take that knowledge and do something positive with it by feeling a new liberty to discuss it with your husband and grow from it. Understand that your stepkids also have their own feelings they aren't sure how to deal with. (I've found that it has helped me to read some of the few posts on here by stepkids, to understand their perspective.) We should look at what drew us to our husbands in the first place. What we loved about them from the start can't also be a reason to break us up now. In my own case, I had to offer him my trust that he would do the right thing for all of us. I just assumed he would go and make some terrible, crazy decision that would stunt all of our lives. I was asking him to trust me with his children, when I didn't trust him with his children. Again communication helps to work together. Hang in there, girl. I know you are hurting from the behavior of your stepkids right now and you are justified in that. Stepkids are notorious for behaving aggressively towards us at least in the beginning. Be the bigger person, gain their trust and when they have grown enough to hear you, explain your side to them and hear theirs. This takes time and doesn't happen overnight. My husband is a good man. He's worth the time and the strength it takes to get through it. His children are too....See Moresylviatexas1
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