They came to live with us in Nov of last year. We have had our ups and downs with the kids. Keep in mind I had only met these kids 2 times for long weekends prior to them coming to live with us and my husbands works nights so I will be the one that the kids spend most of the time with.

This weekend things got out of control. We had his step daughter come into town with her kids. The 18 year old drinks all the time. (Beer) I told my husband that when they came their would not be any under age drinking in my house. The 18 year old was looking through our fridge telling her mom I dont know where they are. Her mom went outside and asked my husband for a plastic cup that the 18 year old wanted a beer. He told her. "She will not have a beer because he is trying to establish a relationship between me and the 18 year old and that I (me) did not want her drinking. I do believe (but am not 100% sure) she came into the house and made her a mixed drink. I felt that he should have just told her no and not put me on the spot. I already have a real hard time with this side of the family because I do not agree with the way that they handle things. And I have been referred to by those grandkids as a b#&ch.

Then Sunday night we where having a talk with the grand daughter that lives with us. My husband did not agree with something that I told her. So he told her that when she was around me to appease me with whatever I said. In my opinion telling her that she did not have to listen to me only if she was around me. Know I am with these kids all the time. They rarely see my husband during the week, maybe for an hour here and there. They see him on Saturdays 1/2 day and all day Sunday. He just told 1 of them to appease me.

I am on the verge of leaving because I get no repect from him or 1 of the grand kids. He would have to quit his job and stay home with them because they are not old enough to be alone.

Help me out here and give me some advise on what I need to do. I love my husband more than anything in the world but I am not going to get treated like crap by him and the kids.

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Someone pointed out that men like to be the hero -
and that seems to be right on target in this case.
In his view, Dad stepped in and 'rescued' these children by gaining custody --

But what he isn't recognizing is that while 'winning custody' is a one-time accomplishment, taking care of them and raising children is a full-time job.
And he isn't doing it - you are.

It's the whole 'puppy' deal -- Oh, aren't they cute. I want one. But daily walks, feeding, house-training, barking, furniture chewing -- what a lot of work! Maybe I don't want a dog after all...

It's time for a long talk with your husband. By taking these children, he has volunteered you both to become parents, and he needs to 'step up to the plate' and do his share.

He doesn't get to be 'the hero' while you do all the work.

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To say he's taking advantage of you and disrespecting you would be a colossal understatement. He's treating you like an appliance! Yeah, it's got a few quirks, so humor her -- but she'll still work.

Sounds to me like what you've got isn't a MARRIAGE, just a JOB.
One with lousy pay and poor benefits.

unless you adopted these grandkids they are his not yours and he should deal with them.