My husband isn't interested in me but masturbates & watches porn!
lonelyheart
14 years ago
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asolo
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agolonelyheart
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Mfather in law asked me to do somthing to my husband
Comments (6)My husband has tried for a divorce twice now, When he returned from the navy I was already diagnosed as a bi polar, the first Time I was put into a mental ward after He came back the state forced him into a guardianship, The only way he can get a divorce is if my mother or sister are willing to take the guardianship, which they are not. I was told when my husband came back he did not care for other people and their feelings, I was told that bumping shift to shift was a rare and very hard occuruance and there had better be a better reason than hating being on a shift to do it. I was told that the company and union had the right to decide where a man had to work no matter how many years he had, This is all the things my father in law told me, His friends felt it was so unfair my husband left and served his country should be able to come back and not start from scratch, When my husband first showed me what his rights were in the contract, I thought it was a book he had printed up, just to show me he was within his rights, I was always bought up the employer had a right to decide everything. So I had trouble understanding how a company with a union worked, His father said he would do anything to get off of 2nd shift. I was pumped full of this for six months. Then when my husband returned one of the first things that I saw within two days of his return was him putting a bump in to go to first shift, and this pretty blond mother crying on his fathers shoulder about how my mean husband was going to cause her to miss out on her daughters life. For many years latter everytime my husband tried to better his position a similar situation would be bought up, I was at a point thinking my husband came back not giving a care about other peoples needs, so I did my best with sex denial to help others, then I watched him not back down to his local union and four men one night and absolutely tear them apart without remorse, There was no attempt at negotiation, there was very loud no I am taking the job, then my husband called them gays, In 2001 that was a big insult, They jumped him, I had never seen my husband use the combat arts training he had, He destroyed four men in under a minute, One was the man that wanted the job This man was the son of a county commissioner. He was fierce, remorseless, the counter attack looked almost designed to inflict maximum damage. After 13 years several of these men still have trouble. But Now I am finding out that my husband was being used by his father as a person to enable everyone else, his father made this statement yesterday, He told my husband. Why was sex so important to you that kept pressuring your wife, After all priests live a full and rich life in service to others, Why could you not be like that, My husband said a short but true statement, That is the life they chose it is not the life I wanted. I served under water for 970 days in three and a half years, I accepted being treated like a prisoner in escape and evasion school, until you sleep two months on a cement floor you don't know haw hard it can be. I was supposed to do less than half that. I have jumped out of perfectly good aircraft, Hung out of the side of a helicopter being drug through trees all in service. So tell me who served the most, That snot nosed jerk you wanted to get the new job, He never served others needs he never served his country, just because his father was your friend. All he ever did was knock up three girlfriends and not even pay child support, The girl that came over and cried on your shoulder about the mean evil military returning man keeping her from her daughter. You should have asked how often she was spending the evening at a sports bar with her boy friend leaving her daughter with her mother, My husband managed to make us feel pretty small. I have known for some time that what was being done to my husband was wrong, but now he wants to bring he pain for the past, .I want a truce. I want to at least talk now. My husband wont agree to anything any one else wants He has been abused and in pain to long, He has not been out of pain on a personal level since the MRSA set into his spine, his immune system is gone, but for a man who was not supposed to get out of a wheel chair, he shows what obstinate really is by walking, His personality wont let him back off now. On the reverse coin we can't back off either, He has not been involve in the family that much for 32 years, Yes it was our fault, but there are not any social skills left, He scares people when he walks past, they fear he might fall, I understand there has to be a middle ground but both sides don't want to go there, most of my father in laws friends are frankly snobs, They wont understand my husbands no booze, no pot, no non prescription drugs, and no firearms rules, His father says its a party they have a right to these things, My husband says if he doesn't need them no one else should in his home. They look down their nose that my husband considers himself a democrat and stand against special privilege for wealth and position, My father I laws fiends are heavy tea party and the conversation turns to politics, he makes then feel like fools most of the time....See MoreI am going to show this to my husband.
Comments (5)I'm so sad for you. This does sound intolerable and I think you're right that depression is a big part of it. Sometimes medication will help (and I'm not talking about doping someone up. Sometimes there really are chemical impbalances). But from what you've written it doesn't sound like he would be open to it. If only one person works on this marriage it won't work; that person will be miserable. Are you able to live on your own? Meaning financially. Certainly physically you're able, as you already take care of things at your father's house. If counseling is out of the question for him, you go for you. It'll help you see things clearly, make some decisions, and put together a plan for either staying or asking him to leave. Of course this isn't completely him; I'm sure that there are things about you that make him unhappy (we ALL do!). But since you're apparently the only one wanting to work on things, keep working and get it figured out. Don't wait for him to participate. Suzieque...See MoreHusband Not Interested in Sex
Comments (77)Wow,I definetly dont feel alone after reading everyone's thoughts on this.I am 33 years old, and I am to the point where I am very frustrated with my marraige and my husband. I have been married for three years, my husband has no desire in making love to me, or correcting the problem. He tells me he is going to make things better, but it never happens...instead, he prefers to drink his beer every night and go to bed. I have tried to get him to stop drinking, but he is an alcoholic..and it just made things worse, so I gave up. I am so fed up, but I do love him. I am not a cheater, so I have asked myself many times...Do I just need to go ahead and get out? I know three years isnt a long time compared to some of you ladies, but I feel the same way as yall when it comes to the pain and anger. I have cried many times because I feel I am not pretty enough, good enough exct. He had a great sex life with his ex wife...and she is anything but what I am. I have constantly tried to talk to him about it, we have tried the counseling thing, books, lingire, ext. In my past relationship, I was used to being one over, and made love to, but my husband cant even touch me...Uggggh. Im really to young to have to deal with this crap, but I dont want to leave because I love him, and I dont look forward to the pain I will have to go through when I do leave.....This isnt fair. I have tried to just take care of me, and play all the little mind games, but you guys see where it got me. He is laying next to me sleeping, and Im posting in a forum for women with this problem.....I feel sorry for all of us. After all we do for them,you would think that they could give us a little of their time. Geeze. Any more advice on how to deal with this? I have enjoyed reading some of the other posts....See MoreMy husband lies about watching porn & hasnt been intereated in me
Comments (25)Okay, speaking from personal experience, usually when a guy starts looking at porn it's because they aren't getting certain things they might sexually be interested in or there is a more deep seated issue in the relationship. People also usually only hide things for one of three reasons. 1) They are trying to protect someone they care about but we can pretty safely rule this out since he knows that you know. 2) They are afraid of negative consequences and since you have already likened porn to cheating {which is a bit mental if you ask me} he is likely afraid that admitting he has a fairly natural urge will cause him to lose you. 3) There is some shame in their actions and honestly, I hate to say it because people are going to yell that I'm blaming tyhe victem when I'm not, it's most likely you that's causing him to feel that shame. Your view on porn makes it taboo which is always both tantalizing and shameful. I have to ask this and no you don't have to answer, just think about my questions. 1) Have you ever considered using porn to spice up your love life with him? Consider putting on a porno while you and he are laying in bed together and just see if you can't get him to stand at attention for you. Use the thing you don't necessarily like to get the "thing" you really want. 2) Ever tried looking at what he searches and maybe, if your comfortable with it, incorporate one or two of those things into your love life? If it's something he enjoys then why not enjoy it with him? You both get what you want at that point which shows compromise and compromise is one of the basic building blocks to any relationship. 3) Consider this, if you two do the same thing every time you two get together then isn't it possible he's just a little bored? Not bored of you but bored of the same position you two make love in or even just bored of thesurroundings. Get a babysitter for the night and have a romantic evening to yourselves but don't go home. Rent a hotel room and have fun there. It would help to break him out of the rut that he may feel his life has gotten into. Do not take this as a strike against you, sometimes guys just get tired of the same thing over and over again. Mind you, I stress that you remember these are only suggestions to help you make your marraige stronger and help you grow as a couple. Feel free to ignore my advice as you please but remember that I've been in a position I think might be similar to the one he is in and I'm simply sharing with you what I myself have dealt with personally....See Moreasolo
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