Run, don't walk to the divorce attorney. I'm sorry its harsh but that's my gut feeling here. You are young, chalk this up to a poor choice and get on with your life. Still attend counseling so you can spot these red flags before you marry the same guy again. Spoiled? I'd say so.
-Cat

Lonelyheart -- Do NOT waste your time diddling around in your head with thoughts like "I'm confused" or "I'm scared and not sure of our relationship at this point".

You married a jerk. He isn't going to change. You must leave.

You made a mistake. Get out of there. Do it now. Leave him today. Get a divorce at the earliest possible moment.

You need a bottom line in your life. Go see a therapist so that you can determine what your bottom line is. At this point, your husband has no reason to change his behavior. You continue to make it easy for him. Find out your part of this dance so you can do something different. Don't compromise any more what you value, and don't join it simply because you can't beat it. (no pun intended.)

If everything else in your relationship is truly, deeply wonderful (NOT just tolerable), then it might be worth sticking with the counselling for a while to see if you can get through the sexual intimacy wall.

But if not - and I strongly suspect 'not' - then the problem is that your husband is a deeply flawed person who is incapable of intimacy (hence the solo sex or 'you can do it to him' sex, or even the occasional 'he does it to you' sex). If he's not capable of real intimacy, that's just not something you want to base a marriage on.

It's not you fault -- it's his. But don't sacrifice your happiness to his flaws.

Copying this over from OP's post on other thread for my own emphasis.

Sweetheart, if you think counseling and prayer are going to solve this problem, I grieve to inform you that you are deluded. You've married an orgasm-seeker. And he's got you all wrapped up. If you dig it, carry on. But I'll bet you don't. You've married a teenage masturbator who's amplified his habit via your cooperation.

Ah, counseling.....you're "a few sessions in"....and you're an expert, now? You have no idea! You've got no business suggesting anything about it to others in your situation and with this infant-experience.

Leave him. Get out of there. You're the one who's masturbating now.

"...the problem is that your husband is a deeply flawed person who is incapable of intimacy (hence the solo sex or 'you can do it to him' sex, or even the occasional 'he does it to you' sex). If he's not capable of real intimacy, that's just not something you want to base a marriage on."

How complicated is it, then?

If it's so complicated that living as you are is the superior choice, I guess that's the answer. How are things for the kids? Mention of kids is new.

People break up all the time. Don't know what could be so unique and complex in your particular situation that it would prevent you from getting out if you want out. Slavery ended a long time ago. There must be something in this for you or you would have left already.

Very wise Lonelyheart --
And yes, leaving IS hard.
But you CAN do it, and you'll be much happier once you have.

"I obviously settled, not recognizing my value was not equal to his."

"...the damage is done and I am heart broken and feeling deceived."

"Counseling helps people not to always "fix" relationships but to help us see them for what they really are. That is what has happened for me."

"the Lord can soothe the hearts and souls of many damaged individuals."

Seems to me you have all the information you need and have had it professionally validated. I don't know what more you would need in order to feel compelled to act. Your "Lord" may sooth your heart and soul but I can guarantee you he/she/it isn't going to solve your problem. You're the one that will have to do that -- or refrain, which is what you appear to be doing.

My husband picked up a porn flick at a garage sale and I watched it with him, one time. I thought it was disgusting and degrading for all women and I told him so. I did not tell him he couldn't watch it, but he never watched again with me in the house.

After dumping the husband, the next thing to do is abandon that stupid religion. I've never understood people who willfully submit to such arbitrary and pointless tyranny.

Tracy I don't understand..."cant be doing with Catholics".

I understand untangling and disengaging from someone can be hard, but it's not impossible. Investments can be split more readily than that great souvenir you picked up on that vacation. But when it comes down to it, it's all silly anyway. If you're unhappy, no investment is going to make you happy.

My sis was not a catholic. I think the reason she has stayed with him is because she is weak. It takes a lot of strength to head out on your own especially with kids. I did, but not when I wanted to. I needed some emotional support from my family and didn't get that. When I finally got fed up I decided I would just go on welfare until I could find a job that paid enough to live on. Welfare told me if I applied while working the job I had I would get very little money. She said if I quit my job then apply I could get enough money to live on and then get a part time job and still get some welfare. If had gone on welfare it would have been common knowledge back then, my sons friends would have known. I opted to take a $100. a month from my mom and pay her back when/if I married which I did. I don't regret many things in my life, but I do regret taking money from Mom. It didn't put a hardship on her, I just wanted to be independent.

Perhaps more to the point, what do you think the rest of your life should look like?

Ah yes...the universal cop-out....sorry not buying it, a lot of people are "brought together" not by God's will but out of pure lust, loneliness, greed (God creates Gold-diggers?), biological clocks, etc. Hard to believe that God had a hand in all the awful, miserable relationships I've witnessed....I'd like to think if there is a God, he/she can make better use of his/her time.

I doubt he will ever change. The only choice you have to make is to decide how you want to spend the rest of your life.

"The fool hath said in his heart, there is no God..." (Ps. 14:1).

Lonely, it is good you can see the bigger picture here. He has to want to change and only in Christ can he become a new creation. All things are possible WITH God.

"Asolo, you are so anti God."

Well, no. One can't very well be anti-nothing. If he doesn't exist, which is the position I hold, what's to be against? What I am against is people like you who throw out their personal religious biases expecting the argument to end at the moment they speak of what they consider to be sacred -- that which is not to be questioned or argued agaInst. They always seem amazed -- as you seem to be -- that their biblical quotes and blind faith don't engender instant acquiescence.

I don't talk about god or religion here or anywhere else unless/until somebody else brings it in first. If you want to quote your fairy-tale book and converse with your imaginary friend, that's OK with me. However, when you bring up out of nowhere a fantasy/magic/faith-based "solution" to a real-world practical problem, you can expect to be challenged.

Unlike you, most intelligent people don't consider cliches and aphorisms to be answers to serious questions. And if you want to get further into biblical quotes, you'll soon find your "holy" book rhetorically shredded.

"But whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven." Mathew 10:33

and to help you understand his love for you despite your false beliefs.

Acts 3:19
Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out.

Sorry...you don't get away free. In fact, you're the one that made it about me. What's "very inconsiderate" is your unrelated-to-topic personal comment about me combined with your ridiculous proselytizing/preaching. Quite the stinking combination.