My marriage is falling apart, I don't know what to do
DistressedWife
9 years ago
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suzieque
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Help..I don't know what to do with my gold fish plant.
Comments (44)Hi, Birdie. How long has it been since your last repot? One of the symptoms of tight roots is shedding of lower and interior foliage. If the internodes (distance between the leaves) are growing shorter, your plant needs a repot, but winter and early spring are poor times to consider repotting - especially for plants that are stressed and very low on energy reserves. Root congestion can promote blooming in some plants, but root congestion IS a stress, and as such limits growth and vitality to a degree that varies with the amount of congestion. I think the wise thing to do would be to get your plant healthy again, and THEN worry about blooming. Sound reasonable? When did you last fertilize? Often, plants starved for nutrients, particularly nitrogen, shed foliage after 'harvesting' mobile nutrients from older leaves so new leaves can grow. Culturally, you can treat your plant like most succulents. Letting it dry down completely IS a stress, so try to time it so you're watering just before soil is completely dry. Humidity is no problem for this plant. It's glossy leaves are very high in cuticular wax, which helps guard against low indoor humidity. I'm sorry, but I disagree that a fertilizer with a high middle number is a good choice for any containerized plant. There are no plants that use more P (the middle number) than either N or K (first and last numbers). The excess P adds unnecessarily to the level of salts in the soil and can actually contribute to leaf loss and deficiencies of other nutrients ...... particularly iron and manganese. That may be more information than you need, but others too, may be curious as to why high P fertilizers are not such a good choice for container plants. Best luck - let me know if there are any other questions you think I might help you with. Al...See MoreHelp my marriage is falling apart!
Comments (6)Thank you all for your posts.I'll try to answer all your questions. "if this were your biological son who abused your step daughter, how would you handle the situation??" I would do everything in my power to help him and make any sacrifices that were required of me. But the problem is that my husband is not willing to ignore the rest of his children and focus on helping him.He has alot of anger towards him because of what he did to his other siblings.He doesn't feel comfortable showing the girls affection because he doesn't want them to think he is trying to be sexual...One of the twin boys has also been really affected by the abuse and is really confused as to his "sexuality" he seems to thik he has to act feminine because of it.To top it off,my husband has never had a close relationship with the oldest at all.When his wife left and he was alone raising the 4 children he took on his moms role and was very abusive toeards everyone,including my husband.He blames his xwife and his mother for making him the monster he has become and he just doesn't want to spend the rest of his life dealing with his mental illness.HIs x wife left him because she couldn't she deal with him anymore.although he is too young to be diagnosed,i honestly believe that he is a manic deppressive like his mother.I can only imagine what he will be like a few years from now if he indeed is-because he has so many other issues along with that.The fact that the 2 women who raised him were both selfish,controlling,deceitful,cunning and verbally abusive doesn't do much for his personality either because this is exactly what he is like.I feel for him, i truly do..but i don't want to spend my life trying to undo such horrible parenting.I never would have gotten married had i known that i would have to neglect my own children to help fix this child in the first place.The fact that he also abused my daughter adds the fact that my daughter would probably resent me for the rest of my life for having put her abuser's needs ahead of hers and i don't think anyone would be willing to do that. "Don't you think he deserves a chance to heal and become the best he can be? Why throw the baby out with the bath water? His behavior is a loud cry for help. Someone needs to answer the call." I agree someone does need to answer that call,the problem is that the only person who is willing to take him in and raise him is the grandmother-who thinks he is just misunderstood and spoils him to death.She basically excuzes all his bad behaviors and tries to justify his cruelty to others by saying that he can't help it because of the way his mom raised him.So he is never held accountable-and he plays right into it and pulls on her heart strings every time he is in trouble so that she can bail him out.This little boy lies,steals,beats other kids up,runs out of the classroom in school,yells at the teachers,refuses to bath with soap,thros dirty toilet paper on the floor,breaks whatever he gets a hold of when he is angry,has full blown tantrums that last for hours,is direspectful to adults in general and cruel to animals and she says its normal because he is becoming a teenager...My husband can't stand his mother because of it so it makes co-parenting virtually impossible because she will ignore my husband and do whatever she wants with him.I know that she is not what he needs-but what am i suppose to do?Put everyone elses's needs on the backburner to try and make him the best he can be? Its not fair to the other kids-especially his that have had to live in his shadow all of their lives.Besides i am dealing with alot of guilt since i was spending so much time trying to "help" him,exhausted and streched to my limit-i wasn't emotionally available to the rest of the children when he was abusing them.Maybe if i hadn't been so tied up deling with him all day my daughter would have come to me sooner...or i would have picked up on signs that it was going on.Because thinking back,there were many signs-i was just too drained to put them all together. if you abandon the marriage now, no one will heal from the harm that has been done. I agree with that statement totally,I love my husband and my stepkids but i have stayed in this relationship mostly because i want these children to have some closure from the harm that has been done.I don't think i could live with myself knowing that i just ran away from this situation not to have to "deal" with it.Its important for all of us to get through this,it will teach them a valuable lesson in life.We shouldn't "run away" from things,we should confront them and find a way to overcome them... Are there other relatives around who will take on the responsibility of the SS ? Unfortunetely the only relative availableand willing is the grandmother. My husband would not be willing to move out and stay with him,he has a hard time going to the visits to see him and when he does he usually comes home feeling all mixed up.He says he has conflicted feelings,he loves him because he is his son,but he acts so much like his xwife and his mother-who he can't stand to even speak of,that he feels as if he is just just like them..I think they call it "transference" in other words he sees him and he sees "controlling,abusive,crazy mother and x wife" whom he chose to get out of his life when he realized that their toxic behaviors were making him "physically ill".This is his son-and he is just as toxic as they are.I think he struggles with the fact that he is so much like the two women who have caused im so much pain and misery in his life and nomatter what he does he is destined to have to deal with his toxic son for the rest of his life.Its just all really complicated...Right now i am just focusing on the kids i am raising and helping them heal from the trauma they suffered. There is no way i could focus on his oldest and remain sane.Its just too overwhelming....See MoreFalling for an almost engaged girl... don't know what to do..
Comments (17)Agree with those above. I'm 31, and I can tell you I wasn't interested in 23 year old men as partners when I was 26, let alone 2 years ago at 29. No offense, but men that age have not sown enough wild oats for me! Things change after 25, and again after 30. Any girl who would play this game with you while being engaged would play it with someone else while you were with her. Ask yourself if you want to be in the shoes of her poor (future?) husband. "she said she felt bad she did it because she loves her bf and was probably going to get engaged sometime soon, but she said she didn't regret it. " Wow. Now that's integrity. You say friendship is the only option? I don't think I'd want to be her friend either. Who has friends like that? 'oh, I love my boyfriend, but I'm going to flirt with my younger co-worker and then put myself in a compromising situation with him and possibly expose myself and my boyfriend (soon-to-be-fiancee) to diseases and I don't regret it one bit' *flashes dimples, lifts one pretty high - heeled foot off the ground and winks* yeah. sounds like a great girl to me!...See Morei don't know what's wrong with me, him,our marriage
Comments (10)forgive me for being a realist, but, when a woman gets married, it isn't asking too much that her husband consider her feelings, lifts a finger in regards to her security and the stability that everyone, male or female, needs when they realize that they are aging. I mean, a couple in their 40's! Who wants to continue growing old with someone who wouldn't even assist in the basic aspiration of owning a home? I guess he wants them to live in an old age home or be at the mercy of landlords who could decide to do anything with the property they are currently living on. Coming to think of it, I am sure this guy is expecting their daughter to take care of them in old age. He sounds selfish enough to naturally expect that, making no effort to secure himself and then burdening her, really shouldn't be considered a burden for her. There are billions of men on this earth, alot of them are capable of much better. At the end of the day, this woman needs to ask herself (considering that she could simply get another man), if there is anything sooo noble and great about this guy, that paying with her lifetime of happiness, peace and security is worth it in the end. There is no punishment as horrible as laying at the end of your days regretting that you didn't live a happy life, and for nothing. He is choosing to be selfish, he has no disorder, but laziness, selfishness and a strong controlling nature to prevent him being questioned. He is literally making her pay with her life for having fallen in love with him, and marrying him 10 yrs ago. No man is worth a lifetime of sacrifice to end up with nothing at all. And further she isn't his mother, he isn't a little boy, he has reached his 40's with this attitude. He is unyealding when questioned, I just think that beating the therapy horse will just encourage him to exhibit his usual 'yes man' strategy to get her off his back, like when she gave him the unlimatum, there will be no positive actions following his "apparent" agreeable reaponse. I think that distance, and time to find herself after being buried for so long is not too much to ask, as a matter of act it is in full order....See Morescarlett2001
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9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoDistressedWife
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8 years ago
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