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has to do with religion

10 years ago

show me what it means to be judgmental vs. non-judgmental...

This post was edited by dominoswrath on Sat, Nov 23, 13 at 18:16

Comments (26)

scarlett2001
10 years ago
1. No politics or religion on these forums, also no advertising.

2. Are you for real?

3. Something smells very funny here, I'm not biting, except to make one reply to send this further down.
domino123
Original Author
10 years ago
Proper grammar please.

Trolls feel free to continue.

This post was edited by dominoswrath on Sat, Nov 23, 13 at 18:18
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Japanese garden without religion.
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Comments (4)
Hi all inky I have spend lot's of time to study relationship between Buddhism and Japanese garden, I thought that there are alway relegions in Japanese garden with Buddhism.. More I study history of Japanese garden, I can see many things such as stone lantern, name of stones how japanese garden designed is base on sutras of three pure land Buddhism. We can't chenge history . However Some of stone named such as keiai seki, [ kei= respect, ai= love] meoto iwa [ cuple or hasband and wife stone] . If you can name stone reprenting your family/ you and your wife/partner stone. children stone , parents , brothers and sisters, uncle (s) aunt (s)stones Instead of naming three Buddhs or diety of Buddhism or Shinto, or something else. You can have hasband wife stone in midle of the garden. your childen are front of parents stone faceing crazy direction but colse to parents stone, garnd parent stone set behind hasband/ wife stone watching grand child and thire son dauther inlaw ? quietly waching family growing and redy to help to them when they needded. Freinds and relative , name your favorite person (s) and make story your self. If you understand why Japanse garden is giving quiet, peacefull, tranqil place, employ same technic to your garden. If you are christian and don't want to have any religious story in your garden, I think it can be done. I have helped my friend who are uniterian, they are much open than other christian churchs. we set stone hasband and wife stone, hasband stone slitly lager and heavy, hasband stone and wife stone leaning to each other suporting each other but stones are not touching They are as unit of one , but independent some how. they had one child. so we set stone nera parents stone but facing differnt direction and we had small space for child plant flower she like to have/her choice , she pick whatever she like to have. if plant is not best chice and die shorly , it is ok. she enoy to pick own and spent time with parents at garden. She can tell her friends that her plants and stone reprenting her parent and her self. We also set garnd parents stone behind hasband /wife stone. One day when my friend and I were talkig how we set stone, His parents visited. my friend's Dad said " mike Bruce have tow brothers and sister, you know that ? " so we set brother and sister stone also. Shortly after we finished most of work, My friend's father past way. The Stones reparenting his father has great meaning to him , his family and me now. If we understand and employ Japanese garden technich which provide pecefull place. Many peoples trying to copying Japanese garden , start working without knowing why and how to do it . I have been walking in woods and shore line of local dry out lake past few days. Looking for intresting shape and color of small stone and drift wood for my moss bonsai and moss planting with samll tree or weeds on small rock, tray , Floor tile etc. I found small section of wooded are which growing moss beautifully and some trees, weeds. I just sit down to watch moss and trees weeds. If i creat similar to this landscape, It would be fine Japanese garden without any religion. Or jsut simply condense nature /scenery to garden, it will be just like Japanese garden without religion. Knowing how to prune properly, how to work around moss, and care, you will be Japanese gardener. ^^. delicate plants , you can bring those palce into your garden designe. You can add some stone lantern or any stone garden ornament to right place , right size. To create intrest in landscaping, you do same. Right ? ( If some one want to place Oribe toro and thinks statute has Christianty, I won't ague it. Hehehee.). Plese send e mail to Cady and leave your address and home or business phone number, I can call to Canada withou long distance fee. Either you like or not We are friend ^^. By the way, do you have "Sakuteiki" by Jiro Takii, mark keane. I am studying Sakutiki and sansui narabini yagatanozu (In the book of Sakuteiki by Mark keane, "sansuinarabini yagyozu" ) I am doubl checking historical fact in the book. It is very good book. no doubt about it. but found some minor mistake in the book or other scholar may have differnt opinion about some historical facts. If you are intrested learn about Buddhism ,I can send you some books in English. And keep it only between us ^^. Learning is never end. To bad, we ca't talk face to face, Talking with a glass of wisky in had wouuld be wonderfull ^^.( Forget gout for a while. shee~ ~ Can't tell to CG ) Sorry . But it is fact that Japanese garden in past and present had and will have religion if you care. Can't separated it. But If you call it Nature garden or something else , we can leave religion alone ^^ To others. If you are Christian and don't want to have any religious object in your garden but like to have quiet, peacefull garden, Gardening /landscape design is another form of art. I can make story of the garden without religion, so do you. You don't have to have Buddhism in your peacefull garden. If you are open minded person and can have traditional Japanese garden in your property, That is great too. Just know history of it and not think as religious object. Have safe and happy holidays. mike
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Mari, Well, what do you know? The eternal dispute between the chemical growers and the organic growers rages on. I suspect it never will change. Please don't feel defeated. Rememer the old Chinese saying "There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same." There are many ways to garden, but we all end up at the same place....with a garden we're mostly pleased with. Those of us who follow the organic path think it is best and those who follow the chemical path think it is best, and both are OK....different strokes for different folks, you know. I have grown mostly organically since the mid-1980s and I believe it works as well as or better than the use of chemicals, and yet there's times I'll use a chemical, though generally not a chemical pesticide. Sometimes I'll use a chemical fungicidal agent like chlorothanil or a chemical herbicide like Round-up on Bermuda grass. 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Other organic products, like Pyrethrum and pyrethrum type compounds, cause nerve damage particularly to felines. As times goes on, there are, in fact, less and less organic solutions I'll use. A nerve agent, for example is still a nerve agent whether it is natural (organic) in nature or synthetic (chemical) in nature. I try not to use anything that is harmful to any living creature on our place if I can avoid it. Finally, I think each of us just has to do what we're comfortable with and we have to remember the law of unintended consequences. For years, my dad's tomato crop was the victim of unintended consequences. Back in the 1960s and 1970s, when I was just a kid, my dad had the most beautiful tomato plants in the world every year. His friend, Mr. Camp, who lived about two blocks away also had gorgeous tomato plants. Dad and Mr. Camp also competed (in a friendly way) to produce the first tomato and the biggest tomato and the biggest and best crop. 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Delilah - Thank you! I'd never seen this picture before and I'm going to share it, especially as there is one more day of Hannukah. And I agree with Bunny. Yad Vashem, in Jerusalem, is a place to have your heart broken. And thank you, Graywings, for the original story.
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suzieque
10 years ago
I'm not sure why you are saying this is about religion and questioning people's thoughts about it. As I read your post, at least the top half of it, I thought you were going to ask opinions about how to deal with your husband's family and their intrusion into your life.

But you didn't ask that - you asked for comments about religion. I'm not going to do that, as I hope this thread doesn't turn into a debate about religion. It sounds as though you just want people to come on and agree with you, bashing them. I'm not interested in bashing them or bashing religion.

My advice, although this isn't what you asked, is that, if you object so strongly to these people and how they live, don't interact with them. You said it's all or nothing with them, so perhaps it has to be nothing.
domino123
Original Author
10 years ago
For those with pathetic lives, please continue.

This post was edited by dominoswrath on Sat, Nov 23, 13 at 18:19
emma
10 years ago
Hey domino, you are entitled to express your opinion. A person can get told off/bashed in here at the most innocent comment. If I were in your situation I would move far, far away to another galaxy if possible. It is expensive and you have to quit good jobs, but it would be worth it to me to save my marriage and my sanity. I don't remember you mentioning children, if you do or plan to, I would move for their benefit. I come from a critical family who are always trying to save my health or my soul. I feel I am a good person without their advice. If there is a God then one day we will all stand before him, I think my sister will be detained at the gate for a good lecture instead of sitting on His right hand as she expects.
suzieque
10 years ago
You yourself titled the thread as "Has to do with religion".

I didn't bash you.

Stop insulting people. I'm getting a good view into your idea of Christianity. It's not good.

In other words, pot, meet kettle.

This post was edited by suzieque on Wed, Oct 16, 13 at 9:57
rrah
10 years ago
So how does this affect your marriage? Are you simply looking for support of your views?

How is your bashing of your spouse's family any different than their bashing of you or others? Is that Christian?

BTW--as some one that has experienced symptoms of PTSD and true hyper-vigilance, what you describe is not even close to PTSD or hyper-vigilance. PTSD is not passed down from generation to generation. It is the result of a traumatic experience that is perceived to be life-threatening.
readinglady
10 years ago
What is your husband's attitude towards his family's attempts at control? If he has your back, then this may be irritating but on a day-to-day basis irrelevant.

On the other hand, if he shares their values I can see that would be a real problem. I noticed you did mention marriage counseling.
domino123
Original Author
10 years ago
educated vs. non-educated

This post was edited by dominoswrath on Sat, Nov 23, 13 at 18:23
domino123
Original Author
10 years ago
Revisit forum rules

This post was edited by dominoswrath on Sat, Nov 23, 13 at 18:24
domino123
Original Author
10 years ago
Thank you Emma for being civil. I appreciate your
Response.
suzieque
10 years ago
From this thread, and the multiple old posts you've resurrected, it seems that you're bored and looking to interact with people. That's fine; I'm sorry to have interrupted that with an opinion.

I certainly do hope that you work things out. Seems that you just wanted company to banter with. I'm not playing your game and frankly don't see where you've posted any issue that you're asking for help with, so I'm out. My best wishes to you.
domino123
Original Author
10 years ago
Examples of condescension

This post was edited by dominoswrath on Sat, Nov 23, 13 at 18:27
domino123
Original Author
10 years ago
as per Wikipedia:

Scapegoating: (from the verb "to scapegoat") is the practice of singling out any party for unmerited negative treatment or blame as a scapegoat.

Narcissistic personality traits:

Externalizing the blame
Scapegoating
Fault finding
Believing that you're better than others
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
attempting to alienate people
self contradictory
critical of others
contemptuous
The most telling thing that narcissists do is contradict themselves.

The fundamental problem here is that narcissists lack empathy.

They don't understand the meaning of what people say and they don't grasp the meaning of the written word either

etc., etc., etc.
popi_gw
10 years ago
You could spend your whole marriage analysing your in-laws, as you seem to have, so far.

I know how frustrating it is trying to get on with people who are not like you, and "fighting" it all the way.

The reality is - you can control what you think -

Perhaps you and hubbie should move away, and start a new life. Those people are never going to change, it will drive you nuts becoming obsessed with what they do, and how morally wrong they are.

Does it really matter -

I say - forge your own life, focus on being compassionate, and loving and caring about other human beings, and let go of all the aggravation you have bottled up.

Good luck.
mkroopy
10 years ago
Staying out of this cat-fight...but I agree with suzieQ on one thing, regarding the " multiple old posts you've [OP] resurrected"

I check this board once or twice a day to break up my long work day...I can't stand when I see about 5-10 posts replied to within a few minuyes of each other (usually around 2 in the morning...wonder if any alcohol was involved...lol), it's always one person chiming in to every post they read....very annoying!

JMHO.... ÃÂ©(ÃÂ¡Ã Â¹ÂÃÂ¯ÃÂ¡Ã Â¹Â)ÃÂ¶
domino123
Original Author
10 years ago
Anyone else want to share how to be condescending towards others?

This post was edited by dominoswrath on Sat, Nov 23, 13 at 18:29
peytonroad
10 years ago
Many people simply don't want a walk with Christ (Tree of Llife) They prefer mans way (Tree of knowledge of good and evil).

Your mom-in-law seems so set on doing the right Christian thing that she can't see Christ and is proceeding to do it her way(the churches/tradition/ritual-all unscriptural). It appears your husband was raised this way as well. Christ is not right or wrong but the way, the truth, and Life. All of us called by the Father must be still and listen for him to talk to us/teach us thru the Holy Spirit. Best thing is to seek God with all of your heart! We don't understand all the negativity/tribulation that comes our way but by faith we can recognize that there is a hope ahead of us. This hope is Christ in you! He will fix this fallen Adamic world and soon we all will eat of the Tree of Life!
mkroopy
10 years ago
Wow domino, thin skin or what? Jeez....all I did was say it was sort of annoying. Man, to fire back like that...holy sh*t you would think I called you a child molester or something...

For the record, I am a part owner of a software firm....there are maybe 10 people in my office, and the work culture that has been established over the 17 years I have been involved is essentially "there is no socializing"...that was established by the principal partner who is an incredibly respected and accomplished man. Sorry, but I do not have a "water cooler" or "teacher's lounge" to go to. So popping on GW a couple times a day for a few minutes is a welcome break from the monotony of programming financial software. Yes, it is monotonous, but it pays very, very well and I have total flexibility in my hours to never have to miss my kid's stuff, go fishing, go golfing and play tennis at the country club I belong to (yes, I actually do interact with real people in my "boring and un-fulfilling life"..imagine that), etc.....so while not the most exciting job, there are benefits as well.

And as someone who has a) been through a divorce, and b) essentially living the "step-family" life with my long time GF, I have found over the years i have learned a lot on these forums, and also possibly helped out others with some advice. Most people on these two boards, particularly the step-families one, will vouch for me that I am an active contributor and not someone looking to toss around insults and start wars. Well, except for Sylvia...we never agree on anything...lol.

"Researching"...really, is that what I did? I sign on, see about 5-6 posts replied to at 2am and look at one or two that I might have been following, and see your name. I hardly call that "researching".

Oh, and do we really need to go the "get a life" and "living vicariously thru others" route or whatever you said? Please...that is the oldest comeback on the net. Clearly you like to write and have ample time on your hands, so I would figure you would have come up with something better than that.

At first I could not believe you took the time to type that long rant because I said I found it "annoying" that people go blast-responding to many posts in one session, but after reading this entire thread, I can see the defensive posture you took to everyone else that had any opinion on what you wrote, so I guess I had I read this entire thread in advance I should have seen it coming. Oh man and boy do you love to use that GET A LIFE comeback.....to everyone....a little deflecting perhaps?

OK, my imaginary kids are off to their imaginary schools, so off to my boring job where I have no one to talk to, then I guess I will lock myself in all night play video games with strangers...then maybe hit up a Star-Trek convention or something this weekend...enjoy!

This post was edited by mkroopy on Fri, Oct 18, 13 at 8:13
emma
10 years ago
Thank you Mkroopy for my morning smile. I have been a little down and it is nice to smile again.
rrah
10 years ago
OP--I will repeat this again--the behavior of you in-laws in NOT hyper-vigilance. It's the behavior of opinionated people. Why do I even care that you understand it? Because I know from first hand experience and incorrect definitions and understanding minimize the difficulties of those that do actually suffer with PTSD.
amyfiddler
10 years ago
So how is your counselling going? What does your therapist tell you your part in the conflict is?

And yes, people can be religiously obnoxious. Some of the finest people I have known though are deeply religious.

Are you asking any questions here about your marriage?
amyfiddler
10 years ago
now that Im thinking....
you should print this thread for your counselor. they love that kind of concrete input. Help him or her see what you are really made of, your integrity in the face of adversity as demonstrated here, your strength and character amid rampant Narcissism. this will surely bring clarity to what you are dealing with.
mkroopy
10 years ago
"you should print this thread for your counselor"

Amy that is a great idea...I never would have thought of that but I think a counselor would get more from reading this thread about the thought process of the OP than several (expensive) counseling sessions. It also will help to he how defensive and combative they become when confronted.
nancylouise5me
10 years ago
dominoswrath, did you know that your then BF and his family were like this while you were dating? That they were judgmental and un-christian? If you did, then why marry the guy. That type of behavior is hard to hide. A leopard doesn't change its' spots. What does your husband say when you tell him that his family is to involved in your life and they should stop. Is he supportive in your plan to have them stop being so intrusive?
Just trying to understand why you would let these people ruin your marriage and the way you choose to live your life? I have to say I would probably have not married a person like your husband. I would be constantly telling the in-laws to mind their own business and if they couldn't they would not be welcome in my home. But then again it should be your husband that is the one dealing with them and this problem. If it upsets you this much, he should have your back and put a stop to it. Maybe moving away is a good idea. NancyLouise
emma
10 years ago
It should be her husband but if he doesn't she will have to do it or leave. I really don't see she that she has anything to loose by telling them.

There is usually a weaker one in a marriage and it seems to be him.

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