husband doesn't want sex.Can I hear from the men???
cheesecurlgurl
15 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (86)
Just_my_junk_live_com
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Husband is exhausted & wants to retire (I think)
Comments (12)Hayjud, if it's going to cost us $700 a month for health insurance, then we could never retire. He can keep insurance through his company when he retires, but we don't know how much that is going to cost us. If he would only get out of this manager's job, he could stay with the same company and work 32 hrs. a week, and still be full time. I think though he wants to quit this company completely and I can't blame him. He has worked there for 35 years. He works for Kroger grocery chain as a produce manager. Our son doesn't understand why a "produce manager" job is so demanding, but I try to tell him it's the lack of help that they give him that makes it so difficult. He should have never taken this manager job because of his depression and I have always regreted that he did. I think he even regrets it now. Kroger does all this great advertising about how they help people with the food drive at Xmas, etc., yet they have reduced their employees' insurance and have practically taken away the dental coverage. We only have $1,000 a year in dental coverage and that's it. He is real bitter toward Kroger, yet he kills himself to do a good job for them. I just can't understand the logic behind this and it really gets to me sometimes. I just tell myself that he is from the "old school" of the people that still care about doing a good job. We had a wonderful vacation. I just can't believe the difference in his attitude and his behavior. We had to come back home so he could be back at work on Sunday. He won't miss a Sunday because it's all overtime. He left at 3:30 and got home at 4:30. He does this every Sunday and when he gets home, he sleeps all evening and it's just like he's not even here. I think he said 20 words to me all last night and some of the words were "are my clothes ready for in the morning?" This morning, Monday, he left at 4:30 but he never had to be at a meeting until 6:00 a.m. This meeting is at another store, so he went to his store so he could work an hour before he had to be at the meeting. This really burns me up inside that he does this, esp. when they won't give a dam about him when he retires (for that matter, they don't care now how much he kills himself to do the "perfect" job). If I say anything, he gets defensive. As for the land, if we do buy land it is only going to be one acre and no more. That's one reason why we are selling this house. We had 3.5 acres and we gave one acre to our youngest son. We still have 2.5 acres and all of it is grass and has to be cut. Personally, I am hoping we find a house already built so we don't have to worry about where we're going to live while a house is being built and storing our furniture. We've already done that once when we built this house. I really enjoyed being around my DH when he was so relaxed. He is like a different person. We worked really hard around the house for 3 days, then we took 2 days off. I look forward to more days like this, just being able to see him relax more. We don't like much more having it ready. We are having a garage sale this weekend. My future DIL and son are going to help me and what doesn't sell, goes to Salvation Army. Would it be terrible if I set a date when we will put this house on the market, so we can go ahead and get it sold?...See MoreMy husband doesn't like my adult son.
Comments (20)I am in the same situation. It’s New Years Day and I am lying here depressed. My adult son came to temporarily live with me and my new husband of 2 years about 7 months ago. He asked and my husband said yes. My husband decided not to charge him rent or anything, even told him he can eat what we eat, wash clothes, basically our home is his home. We have a written agreement which we all signed. My son takes out the garbage and cuts grass, clean his room & bathroom. He’s making plans to move back out as agreed. He has savings. Is my son perfect? No, but he is not disrespectful. Other than not walking around the house naked, nothing else has changed in our marital relationship. My husband took it upon himself to step in as a father to my son and even asked my son if that was ok. His biological father…didnt do his job and has no real relationship with him. My husband and son get along fine. However i know my husband is faking it. If my son makes one mistake or forget something, my husband is very critical and judgemental. He complains to me telling lies about my son and says hateful things about my son. i love my husband but this is unacceptable to me. i am beyond hurt and angry. My son doesnt even know how my husband really feels. What brought to this post…my husband thought my son had left and left the door unlocked at 2am. My son was actually outside. Anyway all i literally said was to tell him and immediately he accused me of coming to my son’s defense and starts going off. I am confused. If someone does something wrong or forgot something, isnt the natural thing to do is tell them? What did I say wrong? There is so much more I could say to paint the picture of everything that has gone on. I dont want a divorce but this is too crazy!...See MoreDaughter 20 doesn't get along with my husband
Comments (20)Regarding the Zoloft comment awhile back -- your daughter should be careful with it if she ever tries it. I tried it for a little bit, but it made me very 'wacky' -- racing heart, very very nervous with no cause. Not something I'd recommend to the casual user. :) That said, I think you need to take it for 2 weeks (or some extended time anyway) for the initial weird effects to subside. Needless to say, I didn't wait to quit. I agree with mom_2_4 and the others -- it sounds from your own description -- unless someone else was raising your daughter, I might have missed it -- that you bought into all this poop by spoiling her when she was younger. Would you take this from a stranger? If not, why take it from somebody that supposedly loves you? There was an article somewhere or another, or possibly just a feverdream I had :) concerning our recent tendency to confuse explainations with excuses. Just because something is understandable doesn't make it forgiveable. Is it understandable that she might be upset with losing a special place in your life? Sure. Does that make acting like a nutcase acceptible? No. And by the way, depending on how 'nutcasy' she's acting you may need to do a little CYA if kicking her out becomes necessary. I've never had to deal with a situation like that myself, so any advice I could give you would be so much hot air, but you might want to look into taking some property-protecting precautions (getting the number of a locksmith, etc), and perhaps even do a little legal research. Just to be prepared, anyway. And finally, I doubt this list is being moderated at the moment. Which is a shame....See MoreAdult daughter wants free access to home she doesn't live in
Comments (36)Hi, wow, thanks everyone for taking the time to read my post and respond to it. I came here for advice and other opinions on my situation and I sure got what I came for. One thing that keeps being asked is why she moved out. Everyone wants a clear cut explanation but teenagers are never that simple. The most obvious and probably the main reason is not hard to figure out. Tell me truthfully why do you think an 18 year girl old would want to live in her boyfriends house, hmmm... can't figure it out, could it be SEX. No couldn't be, she must've left because the evil stepdad makes her live under his awesome CONTROL. Please people, some of you have really hurt my feelings, do you really think I would be at a site like this, asking for help, if I was like that. Is that how you were taught to treat people who come to you for help and open their hearts for all to see? But what does that matter I'm just the evil stepdad, I deserve to be treated like dirt, right? But I do realize that none of you could possibly know all the details of my situation and you might fill in the gaps with things from your own experiences. Another reason she left is probably the same reason many young adults leave, they want their independance and freedom to do as they please whenever they please. No surprises there, just a typical teen. The last reason is probably me, I do take responsability for being part of the reason she left, however this takes some explaining and sets some of the blame back in hers and my wifes laps. But this also leads me to something else many have wondered about and that's why we don't get along so good. To explain this requires some background and explaining and a little bit of speculating. My wife was in an abusive relationship with her ex husband, he was a part of their lives until about 6 months before I came into the picture (kids were 14 (yes there's a brother, they are twins and I get along just fine with him)). The ex husband attacked her one time in front of the daughter, the daughter attacked the father and soon after my now wife obtained a restraining order against the father. That should not be taken lightly, I will say again, the kids have seen their real father abuse their mother. I should also explain that both my wife and stepdaughter suffer from depression and they both take antidepressants, nothing wrong with that just that they are known to have some extreme moods. My stepdaughter was also known for her temper tantrums, one example is, at a birthday party she spread her body over the candy that spilled out of a pinyatta (I don't know how to spell) so that none of the other kids could get HER candy. Picture this, a single mom raising two kids that she does not want to have a good relationship with their abusive father. He would give them anything they wanted to keep them in his life and then mom would do the same. To a teenager this must have seemed like she could run them both, anything she wanted she would get it from one or the other, she learned this early. Then comes the attack and the restraining order, she is cut off from her father. She started slipping away, I don't know why, I am no psychologist, she refused to go to school, withdrew from activities and friends, and worst she became aggresive towards her mother. Then I appeared, about 6 months after the attack, I met my wife on the internet in a chat room, we chatted, then phone calls till all hours of the night, we didn't know where the time went, until finally we met face to face and we knew we were in love. The daughter was not too happy about this, now she had to share the only parent she had left. The first words I ever heard from the girl was a very long email about how terrible her mother was and the awful things her mother had done to her (all lies or greatly exaggerated truths) and what a terrible person I was for even thinking about having a relationship with her mother. Her mother tried family counseling with no affect, until finally the daughter became violent with her mother and brother. I remember my wife telling me that she had to put a lock on her bedroom door because she was afraid to go to sleep at night. Soon she had her daughter enrolled and staying at, a school for troubled teens, all this done with the guidance and advice of trained professional counselors. She was not sent away and forgotten, my wife was a big part of her life, there several times a week and to take her out almost every week. While she was there she seemed to mature a little, but she also learned some wonderful things from the other girls, like self mutilation (yeah cutting herself to feel she was in control of something). My wife and I continued to date, long distance, two states away, for about two years. Then we got married and they moved to my state where we bought a house big enough for the four of us. (I should also mention that my wife is not so good with finances, we could not get a loan if her name was anywhere on the documents). I brought the family back together and made it clear from the start that violence would not be tolerated. Well, the daughter started right in trying to do whatever she wanted without regard for anyone else, she was not easy to be around. I really did try to have a good relationship with her but she would ocassionally express her disrespect (aggressively) and it would all fall apart. I know I am partly to blame here I am sure I could have reacted differently, any parent knows children can try you patience and being an inexperienced parent I guess I let her get me riled up. She had been used to telling her mother what to do and she would do it, now her mother would stop and say she needs to see if thats ok with her husband (some of you will try to twist that into controlling, give me a break, some decisions husbands and wives need to check with each other on). This new stepdad was getting in her way, now she really needed to get rid of me. My stepdaughter was in our house for about two years and that brings us to when she moved out. Not very eventful, she started dating this guy he was 25 years old and had his own house, she was 18 so she would stay with him most nights for about two months until she moved in with him. She knew exactly what she was doing and decided to give up living with us so she could be with him, she knew she was welcome to stay and she knows she is welcome to come back. But she also knows if she comes back she will have to follow a few rules and help out around the house. The way she has it now, she can come over and do whatever she wants when we are not home, not contribute anything to the household, then leave the mess and go sleep with her boyfriend. She gets the best of everything and none of the work or responsabilities. As for helping her with college, she does her homework at school, they have wireless at the library, and I should mention that my parents (her step grandparents) are helping to pay for her tuition. We do not provide her with food she works in a restaurant and her boyfriend is so cheap they don't have a full kitchen yet. Where all their money goes is a mystery, they both work, they heat with wood (in other words free) his mother bought the house they live in (no mortgage), no tv, no phone, I am surprised they have electricity. And guess what, drum roll please, she's pregnant. All the more reason I will not try to get in the way of her and her mother having a relationship, I guess I really don't mind her coming over when we are not home as long as she is respectful, the problem is that she is not. We do not even know she is coming and the only way we know she has been there is that things have been moved around, messes have been made and food is missing (yes she eats alot, she weighs about 250lbs). The time my wife told her not to come over when we were not there was when we both came home late from food shopping or something and we wanted to relax a few minutes and watch tv but the remote had disappeared. I know that I am welcome to go to my parents house anytime but I wouldn't dream of being disrespectful about it because I know they would tell me to not come over anymore. That's what my post is all about, my stepdaughter does not seem to understand that she has made choices and with every choice there are consequences. I was taught that parents are supposed to teach their children how to get through this world and be responsable, respectable adults. That's my real question is it better to let her do as she pleases or help her learn an important life lesson. It is not a matter of control it is a matter of an adult trying to help a child understand this world. Listening to some of your posts, I think it is way too late, and I need to let it go, so my wife can get to know her grandchild and try to be happy. Thanks again for all your posts, take care and god bless you all....See Moremkroopy
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agosuzieque
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agobv80disapp_gmail_com
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoconfusedspouse
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agosuzieque
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoptamom
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agokendio310
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRobC59
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agosongbirdpj
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoDieSonne777
11 years agolast modified: 9 years ago1234abcd1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJoseShifter
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJoseShifter
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJoseShifter
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJoseShifter
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agonick333
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJoseShifter
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVrs1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVrs1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoafrenchgirl
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJoseShifter
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVrs1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agosighing
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoNikalina
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoNikalina
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJoseShifter
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoquickquestion13
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJoseShifter
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoLucretiaMcKenzie
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoDeeDee65
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJackieShush
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoTrueBlue234
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoLynn9876
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agoforgottenhusband1
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agolynn0987
9 years agolynn0987
9 years agonehashakya255
8 years agocolleenoz
8 years agodonnabuckner423
8 years agodonnabuckner423
8 years agoCaroline Snider
6 years agocolleenoz
6 years ago
Related Stories
LIFEYou Said It: ‘Just Because I’m Tiny Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Go Big’
Changing things up with space, color and paint dominated the design conversations this week
Full StoryCOLORBedroom Color: The Secret to More Sex and More Sleep
Look to surprising revelations about bedroom wall colors to get more of what you want
Full StoryWhen a Column Doesn't Look Like a Column
See Why Designers May Opt for Tree-like Supports in Wood or Steel
Full StoryDECORATING GUIDESMeet a Houseplant That Doesn't Mind Neglect
Got better things to do than remember to water your houseplants on schedule? Schefflera will forgive and forget
Full StoryMAN SPACESWhy Men Really Do Need a Cave
Don't dismiss cars, bars and the kegerator — a man space of some kind is important for emotional well-being at home
Full StoryDECORATING GUIDESWhat We Can Learn From the Minimalists
Discover the power of simplicity and how to employ a less-is-more approach in your decorating scheme
Full StoryFUN HOUZZDon’t Be a Stickybeak — and Other Home-Related Lingo From Abroad
Need to hire a contractor or buy a certain piece of furniture in the U.K. or Australia? Keep this guide at hand
Full StoryLIFEThe Polite House: How Can I Kindly Get Party Guests to Use Coasters?
Here’s how to handle the age-old entertaining conundrum to protect your furniture — and friendships
Full StoryHOUSEPLANTS8 Houseplants You Can't Kill
They're forgiving and let you forget. Houseplants don't get any easier than this
Full StoryKITCHEN DESIGNTrending Now: 25 Kitchen Photos Houzzers Can’t Get Enough Of
Use the kitchens that have been added to the most ideabooks in the last few months to inspire your dream project
Full StorySponsored
suzieque