husband doesn't want sex.Can I hear from the men???
cheesecurlgurl
15 years ago
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12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Grandmother doesn't want to babysit full time.
Comments (14)Sorry to hear your problem. My story is too long to post here but I will try to put it as best as I can. Eight years ago Maddie,first grandchild was born. Daughter was a nurse..he was a fireman. I started keeping Maddie throughout the week without pay..I did the laundry,cleaned the house,cooked and cared for her..worked part time at JC Penneys nights and weekends. I would stay all day and then leave for work about 4 pm and worked until 9 at night. Years progressed...they moved not far from my house..I kept eventually all 3 children and worked retail. This involved nearly 100 miles of travel daily to take oldest to preschool and pick her up as it was in town near where I live and farther from my daughter's home. I had to quit at Penneys...my daughter and son-in-law(who is a jerk) said they would pay me whatever Penneys was paying me and never leave me hanging without a job. I don't want to even go in to how this all turned out. This was a year ago and they of course got hard up for money..he's now working a good job though that his union daddy got him because he ended up being a lousy school teacher and quit his job doing that before his 2nd child was born and was out of work for over a year. Anyway..months went by and they didnt pay me a cent..never even mentioned it. Because I love those children like my own I went everyday and never said a word..neither did my husband who has been more than generous over the years to allow me to do this. It finally was brought up by me..just before school began last year...my daughter just said."Yeah..you'll have to find another job." I left her house with that said and my life has been miserable ever since. At 57 and even having a college degree and experience and knowing people in this town..I cannot find a full time job. I cannot tell you what life is like now...I stay depressed but move on as well as I can. I even kept a little baby whose mom is a teacher and lives nearly right next door to my daughter so the smaller 2 kids could visit me there daily if they wanted to. This young woman treated me like a queen. I drove there every day and she paid me $120 a week for the one child. I did a little laundry and cleaning but mostly she was just so sweet and kind to me. One day she even sent me flowers with an expression of her love and appreciation for my caring for her child. It was indeed new to me. I didn't do it this year...it became complicated and she began to depend on me all the time as far as calling me with her problems and such..I felt I'd become her mother and it was just tough. She begged me to keep her child this year and even upped the pay. She even offered to pay me all summer when she wouldn't need me so I would come back in the Fall. I needed to escape..sadly..I do love her too but I need full time work.She is hurt now and it is a sorry situation. I've seen a lot of the grandkids this summer. When I quit keeping them it was horrible. The 2nd youngest cried and cried..the oldest wouldn't come here to my house in hopes that if she didn't I would come back. My daughter and son-in-law are lazy...they don't want to work days when they can. They could have kept me if his mother hadn't been so busy paying their bills. Anyway...I feel deeply for what you are going through. I cherish each moment with those children and they are most precious to us. Last Christmas for the first time we got a credit care(as I was out of work) and put Christmas on it. My daughter just a week before the holiday was taking stuff back she'd bought the oldest child. I went out and re-purchased the stuff as I felt so bad for the child. I took it out there and gave it to them to give her from Santa and got a tongue lashing that I'd out done them..it was horrible. She told me to get out of her house and showed me the door. She then said I could come Christmas or not she didn't care she would never apologize. I went of course as the kids would never have understood. I've been abused more than I can say..but what we do for love is most important in the end. I still can't find a job...our checking account bounced this week because they couldn't pay their water bill so we paid it...the kid's had no water. I can tell you that my health has suffered through these years. I know as they grow older I won't see them as much...I have my memories however and they are the sweetest children. My son has a new baby and they have great jobs and are sending her to daycare. She was premature and they are worried about her but they don't seem to want me. It's heartbreaking but I guess I understand. Keeping the grandkids can be tricky..you are a intricate part of everything that goes on. Let them know daily you love them..call them every day and tell them. Plan some outings on weekends that won't wear you out...mine love museums and parks and things like that. I always cook a meal and let them help out..they love that. The main thing is...tell them daily you love them....keep that contact and the doors open no matter how you feel...they won't ever forget it..believe me. I'm up against other grandparents who are wealthy..have campers and huge homes on the river...all I can give them is my time and my love. We did buy a set-up pool and it was a great buy..they love it. It's a lot of fun and they can stay in it all day..not too much trouble to watch either. If you can afford it it's great to take them to concerts...symphonies...ballets around your area..culture is something everyone can enjoy. Even if it's building a bird house..planting a small garden they can enjoy. You don't have to do strenuous things...kids love being listened to...telling you about their day...walking in the sunshine. Never believe that you will lose them...love is what kids need. Today they need their grandparents more than ever. Their parents are so busy...they need you in ways you can't imagine. Mine love the latest Hannah Montana videos...get some hip music for your car that they like...dress-up clothes are a favorite too. I bought them a butterfly set-up online where they could watch them hatch and then let them go...they loved it!!! Check out what is new with their age groups and then get involved with it. Another thing..if you have a soup kitchen nearby..take them and let them help others...it's a lesson they carry for life! I hope this helps friend...I will pray for you. There is no pain like this...I know...I just try to focus on what is best for the kids. It is, as I say, risky business when grandparents immerse themselves in their children's lives..some go great...others get hurt..in the end..the love returned and hugs and appreciation the little ones give us is after all...the joy of life.God bless!! :)))...See MoreHusband is exhausted & wants to retire (I think)
Comments (12)Hayjud, if it's going to cost us $700 a month for health insurance, then we could never retire. He can keep insurance through his company when he retires, but we don't know how much that is going to cost us. If he would only get out of this manager's job, he could stay with the same company and work 32 hrs. a week, and still be full time. I think though he wants to quit this company completely and I can't blame him. He has worked there for 35 years. He works for Kroger grocery chain as a produce manager. Our son doesn't understand why a "produce manager" job is so demanding, but I try to tell him it's the lack of help that they give him that makes it so difficult. He should have never taken this manager job because of his depression and I have always regreted that he did. I think he even regrets it now. Kroger does all this great advertising about how they help people with the food drive at Xmas, etc., yet they have reduced their employees' insurance and have practically taken away the dental coverage. We only have $1,000 a year in dental coverage and that's it. He is real bitter toward Kroger, yet he kills himself to do a good job for them. I just can't understand the logic behind this and it really gets to me sometimes. I just tell myself that he is from the "old school" of the people that still care about doing a good job. We had a wonderful vacation. I just can't believe the difference in his attitude and his behavior. We had to come back home so he could be back at work on Sunday. He won't miss a Sunday because it's all overtime. He left at 3:30 and got home at 4:30. He does this every Sunday and when he gets home, he sleeps all evening and it's just like he's not even here. I think he said 20 words to me all last night and some of the words were "are my clothes ready for in the morning?" This morning, Monday, he left at 4:30 but he never had to be at a meeting until 6:00 a.m. This meeting is at another store, so he went to his store so he could work an hour before he had to be at the meeting. This really burns me up inside that he does this, esp. when they won't give a dam about him when he retires (for that matter, they don't care now how much he kills himself to do the "perfect" job). If I say anything, he gets defensive. As for the land, if we do buy land it is only going to be one acre and no more. That's one reason why we are selling this house. We had 3.5 acres and we gave one acre to our youngest son. We still have 2.5 acres and all of it is grass and has to be cut. Personally, I am hoping we find a house already built so we don't have to worry about where we're going to live while a house is being built and storing our furniture. We've already done that once when we built this house. I really enjoyed being around my DH when he was so relaxed. He is like a different person. We worked really hard around the house for 3 days, then we took 2 days off. I look forward to more days like this, just being able to see him relax more. We don't like much more having it ready. We are having a garage sale this weekend. My future DIL and son are going to help me and what doesn't sell, goes to Salvation Army. Would it be terrible if I set a date when we will put this house on the market, so we can go ahead and get it sold?...See MoreMy husband neglects my son He doesn't know how to be a step paren
Comments (1)Assuming that Nick was tired, or that he thought you were interfering with something that he should have chosen, or something, & that he really doesn't feel like Chad is someone to swear about, in other words, assuming there's something to work with here... One thing I've noticed that men *are* good at is detailed directions/instructions. 1. When alarm goes off, push button. 2. Throw back covers. 3. Put feet into slippers. 4. etc Send Chad to a friend's house for the evening, & take Nick for a walk or a bike ride & tire him out, since people are more open-minded & less likely to erupt when they're a little tired ("physically tired", not "stress-tired", do *not* try this when he's just spent 10 hours on an excruciating project at work!). When you get home (be sure this isn't on a football night, or whatever night he has something else on his mind), sit down with him & tell him that you want everyone to be happy in the family & that you want him & Chad to have a good, strong, enjoyable relationship, & that you want to try an experiment. & have an outline of your "project" in front of you, with one goal & a few basic or simple steps to achieve it. Tell him you haven't thought past this first small goal, you want to start small, & ask him for his ideas for more steps toward the goal. Agree to get together in a week to talk about how successful it's been & what can be done to fine-tune the steps or refine the goal. At that get-together, agree to have another meeting the following week. Praise every tiny improvement as it happens during the week. (We know to praise dogs, & yet we forget to do it with our nearest & dearest!) When the first goal has been attained, or is within reach, ask him for thoughts on another goal. That first get-together may give you a yes/no answer: if Nick is willing to give it a try, even if he's wary (& people are often wary of something new), hang in there, but if he blows up & tells you to mind your own business & stalks off *& doesn't come back to make up & explore the idea further after he's cooled down*... then I'd say you need to take your son & get outta Dodge. I wish all of you the best....See MoreDaughter 20 doesn't get along with my husband
Comments (20)Regarding the Zoloft comment awhile back -- your daughter should be careful with it if she ever tries it. I tried it for a little bit, but it made me very 'wacky' -- racing heart, very very nervous with no cause. Not something I'd recommend to the casual user. :) That said, I think you need to take it for 2 weeks (or some extended time anyway) for the initial weird effects to subside. Needless to say, I didn't wait to quit. I agree with mom_2_4 and the others -- it sounds from your own description -- unless someone else was raising your daughter, I might have missed it -- that you bought into all this poop by spoiling her when she was younger. Would you take this from a stranger? If not, why take it from somebody that supposedly loves you? There was an article somewhere or another, or possibly just a feverdream I had :) concerning our recent tendency to confuse explainations with excuses. Just because something is understandable doesn't make it forgiveable. Is it understandable that she might be upset with losing a special place in your life? Sure. Does that make acting like a nutcase acceptible? No. And by the way, depending on how 'nutcasy' she's acting you may need to do a little CYA if kicking her out becomes necessary. I've never had to deal with a situation like that myself, so any advice I could give you would be so much hot air, but you might want to look into taking some property-protecting precautions (getting the number of a locksmith, etc), and perhaps even do a little legal research. Just to be prepared, anyway. And finally, I doubt this list is being moderated at the moment. Which is a shame....See Moremkroopy
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