husband doesn't want sex.Can I hear from the men???
cheesecurlgurl
15 years ago
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Just_my_junk_live_com
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Husband doesn't like Libby's Pumpkin Pie - wants Costco!!
Comments (20)Gloria, I've been partially pre-baking the crusts for pumpkin & pecan pies for a long time. That's the only way I can manage to get the bottom crust cooked. Have to shield the crimps to keep them from getting too brown. The odd thing is that I don't remember Mom having these kind of problems. Must have been that O'Keefe & Merritt oven was far superior to anything I've owned? I've gone to an all butter crust (haven't tried lard) because the hydrogenated shortening crusts were giving me a belly ache. That, after all these years of enjoying a pretty much cast iron stomach. And I hear ya on Too Sweet. Neighbor offered me a sliver of store-bakery blackberry pie a couple of days ago. Oh, do I ever love blackberries so I could not refuse. And it was a decent pie exCept that it was too damned sweet....See MoreBF son doesn't want to spend time
Comments (2)Hi there, and welcome! Hope you will get some good advice here. Like Justmetoo said, some more background info would be good. But with the info we've got so far I think you shouldn't split up with your fiancee because of his son. Clearly the boy is having a hard time with it, which makes it difficult for everyone, but if you 2 are happy together then I don't see that as a reason to end it. Unless of course your unhappiness with the situation is bigger then your happiness with your fiancee (FDH = Future Dear Husband). How does your FDH interact with him? Would it be possible for the two of them to sit down and have a talk? You could go over it with your FDH and discuss what message you'd like to get across to his son. -For example that you understand how hard this is for him, and that you respect it that he'll need time and space which you want to give him. Nobody is going to force him to play happy family and you are not trying to take over as a mum. -Has your FDH expressed understanding towards his son? I think it is very important that his son feels validated, rather then that his feelings are dismissed or disapproved (I'm not saying that that is happening of course!). Your FDH could tell him that he understands how his son wishes things were different, and that it must be very hard on him. He's been put in a situation that he's had no control over and that's difficult for anyone. However FDH is very happy with you and he wants to move on, ending the relationship because son is unhappy about it would not be the right solution. But maybe they can find a compromise: a way of dealing that everyone can live with. Something like: son will be given time and space when he needs it; so son can stay in his room after school and at night if he chooses to, but he will have to sit at the table for dinner with the rest of you. And normal politeness has to be non-negotiable. By making a compromise you are trying to give him some control over the situation back, I think he needs that. Just like the validation of his feelings. If he feels that his dad wants him to 'snap out of it' (again, not saying this is you guys!) then he'll just become more stubborn in holding onto it and more resentful. Your FDH could ask his son to have a think about other ways of finding a compromise (I'm only aware of him wanting to stay in his room), what is important to son? Get his opinion and get him involved in trying to create a better situation for all of you. Or would it be possible to have this kind of talk as a family talk? Have you tried talking to him yourself? Is this an option? You could all do a brain storm session to try and find new ways to all get along. And how about some small and simple ways of trying to make him feel needed/appreciated: the littlest things (like asking him to open a jar for you when you're cooking and FDH is not home yet) could help in slowly creating a bit better bond or some mutual acceptance. During dinner try and get him talking about his day; show an interest in his life and see if you can crack a joke. There's nothing like sharing a laugh to break the ice....See MoreMy husband neglects my son He doesn't know how to be a step paren
Comments (1)Assuming that Nick was tired, or that he thought you were interfering with something that he should have chosen, or something, & that he really doesn't feel like Chad is someone to swear about, in other words, assuming there's something to work with here... One thing I've noticed that men *are* good at is detailed directions/instructions. 1. When alarm goes off, push button. 2. Throw back covers. 3. Put feet into slippers. 4. etc Send Chad to a friend's house for the evening, & take Nick for a walk or a bike ride & tire him out, since people are more open-minded & less likely to erupt when they're a little tired ("physically tired", not "stress-tired", do *not* try this when he's just spent 10 hours on an excruciating project at work!). When you get home (be sure this isn't on a football night, or whatever night he has something else on his mind), sit down with him & tell him that you want everyone to be happy in the family & that you want him & Chad to have a good, strong, enjoyable relationship, & that you want to try an experiment. & have an outline of your "project" in front of you, with one goal & a few basic or simple steps to achieve it. Tell him you haven't thought past this first small goal, you want to start small, & ask him for his ideas for more steps toward the goal. Agree to get together in a week to talk about how successful it's been & what can be done to fine-tune the steps or refine the goal. At that get-together, agree to have another meeting the following week. Praise every tiny improvement as it happens during the week. (We know to praise dogs, & yet we forget to do it with our nearest & dearest!) When the first goal has been attained, or is within reach, ask him for thoughts on another goal. That first get-together may give you a yes/no answer: if Nick is willing to give it a try, even if he's wary (& people are often wary of something new), hang in there, but if he blows up & tells you to mind your own business & stalks off *& doesn't come back to make up & explore the idea further after he's cooled down*... then I'd say you need to take your son & get outta Dodge. I wish all of you the best....See MoreAdult daughter wants free access to home she doesn't live in
Comments (36)Hi, wow, thanks everyone for taking the time to read my post and respond to it. I came here for advice and other opinions on my situation and I sure got what I came for. One thing that keeps being asked is why she moved out. Everyone wants a clear cut explanation but teenagers are never that simple. The most obvious and probably the main reason is not hard to figure out. Tell me truthfully why do you think an 18 year girl old would want to live in her boyfriends house, hmmm... can't figure it out, could it be SEX. No couldn't be, she must've left because the evil stepdad makes her live under his awesome CONTROL. Please people, some of you have really hurt my feelings, do you really think I would be at a site like this, asking for help, if I was like that. Is that how you were taught to treat people who come to you for help and open their hearts for all to see? But what does that matter I'm just the evil stepdad, I deserve to be treated like dirt, right? But I do realize that none of you could possibly know all the details of my situation and you might fill in the gaps with things from your own experiences. Another reason she left is probably the same reason many young adults leave, they want their independance and freedom to do as they please whenever they please. No surprises there, just a typical teen. The last reason is probably me, I do take responsability for being part of the reason she left, however this takes some explaining and sets some of the blame back in hers and my wifes laps. But this also leads me to something else many have wondered about and that's why we don't get along so good. To explain this requires some background and explaining and a little bit of speculating. My wife was in an abusive relationship with her ex husband, he was a part of their lives until about 6 months before I came into the picture (kids were 14 (yes there's a brother, they are twins and I get along just fine with him)). The ex husband attacked her one time in front of the daughter, the daughter attacked the father and soon after my now wife obtained a restraining order against the father. That should not be taken lightly, I will say again, the kids have seen their real father abuse their mother. I should also explain that both my wife and stepdaughter suffer from depression and they both take antidepressants, nothing wrong with that just that they are known to have some extreme moods. My stepdaughter was also known for her temper tantrums, one example is, at a birthday party she spread her body over the candy that spilled out of a pinyatta (I don't know how to spell) so that none of the other kids could get HER candy. Picture this, a single mom raising two kids that she does not want to have a good relationship with their abusive father. He would give them anything they wanted to keep them in his life and then mom would do the same. To a teenager this must have seemed like she could run them both, anything she wanted she would get it from one or the other, she learned this early. Then comes the attack and the restraining order, she is cut off from her father. She started slipping away, I don't know why, I am no psychologist, she refused to go to school, withdrew from activities and friends, and worst she became aggresive towards her mother. Then I appeared, about 6 months after the attack, I met my wife on the internet in a chat room, we chatted, then phone calls till all hours of the night, we didn't know where the time went, until finally we met face to face and we knew we were in love. The daughter was not too happy about this, now she had to share the only parent she had left. The first words I ever heard from the girl was a very long email about how terrible her mother was and the awful things her mother had done to her (all lies or greatly exaggerated truths) and what a terrible person I was for even thinking about having a relationship with her mother. Her mother tried family counseling with no affect, until finally the daughter became violent with her mother and brother. I remember my wife telling me that she had to put a lock on her bedroom door because she was afraid to go to sleep at night. Soon she had her daughter enrolled and staying at, a school for troubled teens, all this done with the guidance and advice of trained professional counselors. She was not sent away and forgotten, my wife was a big part of her life, there several times a week and to take her out almost every week. While she was there she seemed to mature a little, but she also learned some wonderful things from the other girls, like self mutilation (yeah cutting herself to feel she was in control of something). My wife and I continued to date, long distance, two states away, for about two years. Then we got married and they moved to my state where we bought a house big enough for the four of us. (I should also mention that my wife is not so good with finances, we could not get a loan if her name was anywhere on the documents). I brought the family back together and made it clear from the start that violence would not be tolerated. Well, the daughter started right in trying to do whatever she wanted without regard for anyone else, she was not easy to be around. I really did try to have a good relationship with her but she would ocassionally express her disrespect (aggressively) and it would all fall apart. I know I am partly to blame here I am sure I could have reacted differently, any parent knows children can try you patience and being an inexperienced parent I guess I let her get me riled up. She had been used to telling her mother what to do and she would do it, now her mother would stop and say she needs to see if thats ok with her husband (some of you will try to twist that into controlling, give me a break, some decisions husbands and wives need to check with each other on). This new stepdad was getting in her way, now she really needed to get rid of me. My stepdaughter was in our house for about two years and that brings us to when she moved out. Not very eventful, she started dating this guy he was 25 years old and had his own house, she was 18 so she would stay with him most nights for about two months until she moved in with him. She knew exactly what she was doing and decided to give up living with us so she could be with him, she knew she was welcome to stay and she knows she is welcome to come back. But she also knows if she comes back she will have to follow a few rules and help out around the house. The way she has it now, she can come over and do whatever she wants when we are not home, not contribute anything to the household, then leave the mess and go sleep with her boyfriend. She gets the best of everything and none of the work or responsabilities. As for helping her with college, she does her homework at school, they have wireless at the library, and I should mention that my parents (her step grandparents) are helping to pay for her tuition. We do not provide her with food she works in a restaurant and her boyfriend is so cheap they don't have a full kitchen yet. Where all their money goes is a mystery, they both work, they heat with wood (in other words free) his mother bought the house they live in (no mortgage), no tv, no phone, I am surprised they have electricity. And guess what, drum roll please, she's pregnant. All the more reason I will not try to get in the way of her and her mother having a relationship, I guess I really don't mind her coming over when we are not home as long as she is respectful, the problem is that she is not. We do not even know she is coming and the only way we know she has been there is that things have been moved around, messes have been made and food is missing (yes she eats alot, she weighs about 250lbs). The time my wife told her not to come over when we were not there was when we both came home late from food shopping or something and we wanted to relax a few minutes and watch tv but the remote had disappeared. I know that I am welcome to go to my parents house anytime but I wouldn't dream of being disrespectful about it because I know they would tell me to not come over anymore. That's what my post is all about, my stepdaughter does not seem to understand that she has made choices and with every choice there are consequences. I was taught that parents are supposed to teach their children how to get through this world and be responsable, respectable adults. That's my real question is it better to let her do as she pleases or help her learn an important life lesson. It is not a matter of control it is a matter of an adult trying to help a child understand this world. Listening to some of your posts, I think it is way too late, and I need to let it go, so my wife can get to know her grandchild and try to be happy. Thanks again for all your posts, take care and god bless you all....See Moremkroopy
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