husband doesn't want sex.Can I hear from the men???
cheesecurlgurl
15 years ago
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Just_my_junk_live_com
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Grandmother doesn't want to babysit full time.
Comments (14)Sorry to hear your problem. My story is too long to post here but I will try to put it as best as I can. Eight years ago Maddie,first grandchild was born. Daughter was a nurse..he was a fireman. I started keeping Maddie throughout the week without pay..I did the laundry,cleaned the house,cooked and cared for her..worked part time at JC Penneys nights and weekends. I would stay all day and then leave for work about 4 pm and worked until 9 at night. Years progressed...they moved not far from my house..I kept eventually all 3 children and worked retail. This involved nearly 100 miles of travel daily to take oldest to preschool and pick her up as it was in town near where I live and farther from my daughter's home. I had to quit at Penneys...my daughter and son-in-law(who is a jerk) said they would pay me whatever Penneys was paying me and never leave me hanging without a job. I don't want to even go in to how this all turned out. This was a year ago and they of course got hard up for money..he's now working a good job though that his union daddy got him because he ended up being a lousy school teacher and quit his job doing that before his 2nd child was born and was out of work for over a year. Anyway..months went by and they didnt pay me a cent..never even mentioned it. Because I love those children like my own I went everyday and never said a word..neither did my husband who has been more than generous over the years to allow me to do this. It finally was brought up by me..just before school began last year...my daughter just said."Yeah..you'll have to find another job." I left her house with that said and my life has been miserable ever since. At 57 and even having a college degree and experience and knowing people in this town..I cannot find a full time job. I cannot tell you what life is like now...I stay depressed but move on as well as I can. I even kept a little baby whose mom is a teacher and lives nearly right next door to my daughter so the smaller 2 kids could visit me there daily if they wanted to. This young woman treated me like a queen. I drove there every day and she paid me $120 a week for the one child. I did a little laundry and cleaning but mostly she was just so sweet and kind to me. One day she even sent me flowers with an expression of her love and appreciation for my caring for her child. It was indeed new to me. I didn't do it this year...it became complicated and she began to depend on me all the time as far as calling me with her problems and such..I felt I'd become her mother and it was just tough. She begged me to keep her child this year and even upped the pay. She even offered to pay me all summer when she wouldn't need me so I would come back in the Fall. I needed to escape..sadly..I do love her too but I need full time work.She is hurt now and it is a sorry situation. I've seen a lot of the grandkids this summer. When I quit keeping them it was horrible. The 2nd youngest cried and cried..the oldest wouldn't come here to my house in hopes that if she didn't I would come back. My daughter and son-in-law are lazy...they don't want to work days when they can. They could have kept me if his mother hadn't been so busy paying their bills. Anyway...I feel deeply for what you are going through. I cherish each moment with those children and they are most precious to us. Last Christmas for the first time we got a credit care(as I was out of work) and put Christmas on it. My daughter just a week before the holiday was taking stuff back she'd bought the oldest child. I went out and re-purchased the stuff as I felt so bad for the child. I took it out there and gave it to them to give her from Santa and got a tongue lashing that I'd out done them..it was horrible. She told me to get out of her house and showed me the door. She then said I could come Christmas or not she didn't care she would never apologize. I went of course as the kids would never have understood. I've been abused more than I can say..but what we do for love is most important in the end. I still can't find a job...our checking account bounced this week because they couldn't pay their water bill so we paid it...the kid's had no water. I can tell you that my health has suffered through these years. I know as they grow older I won't see them as much...I have my memories however and they are the sweetest children. My son has a new baby and they have great jobs and are sending her to daycare. She was premature and they are worried about her but they don't seem to want me. It's heartbreaking but I guess I understand. Keeping the grandkids can be tricky..you are a intricate part of everything that goes on. Let them know daily you love them..call them every day and tell them. Plan some outings on weekends that won't wear you out...mine love museums and parks and things like that. I always cook a meal and let them help out..they love that. The main thing is...tell them daily you love them....keep that contact and the doors open no matter how you feel...they won't ever forget it..believe me. I'm up against other grandparents who are wealthy..have campers and huge homes on the river...all I can give them is my time and my love. We did buy a set-up pool and it was a great buy..they love it. It's a lot of fun and they can stay in it all day..not too much trouble to watch either. If you can afford it it's great to take them to concerts...symphonies...ballets around your area..culture is something everyone can enjoy. Even if it's building a bird house..planting a small garden they can enjoy. You don't have to do strenuous things...kids love being listened to...telling you about their day...walking in the sunshine. Never believe that you will lose them...love is what kids need. Today they need their grandparents more than ever. Their parents are so busy...they need you in ways you can't imagine. Mine love the latest Hannah Montana videos...get some hip music for your car that they like...dress-up clothes are a favorite too. I bought them a butterfly set-up online where they could watch them hatch and then let them go...they loved it!!! Check out what is new with their age groups and then get involved with it. Another thing..if you have a soup kitchen nearby..take them and let them help others...it's a lesson they carry for life! I hope this helps friend...I will pray for you. There is no pain like this...I know...I just try to focus on what is best for the kids. It is, as I say, risky business when grandparents immerse themselves in their children's lives..some go great...others get hurt..in the end..the love returned and hugs and appreciation the little ones give us is after all...the joy of life.God bless!! :)))...See MoreHusband doesn't like Libby's Pumpkin Pie - wants Costco!!
Comments (20)Gloria, I've been partially pre-baking the crusts for pumpkin & pecan pies for a long time. That's the only way I can manage to get the bottom crust cooked. Have to shield the crimps to keep them from getting too brown. The odd thing is that I don't remember Mom having these kind of problems. Must have been that O'Keefe & Merritt oven was far superior to anything I've owned? I've gone to an all butter crust (haven't tried lard) because the hydrogenated shortening crusts were giving me a belly ache. That, after all these years of enjoying a pretty much cast iron stomach. And I hear ya on Too Sweet. Neighbor offered me a sliver of store-bakery blackberry pie a couple of days ago. Oh, do I ever love blackberries so I could not refuse. And it was a decent pie exCept that it was too damned sweet....See MoreMy husband doesn't love me anymore
Comments (13)Honey, please look very strongly at this man. I too was in the same boat several years ago. Re married, step children both sides. I had a son, he a son. It was rocky from the get go but I stayed stong. I knew he loved me, but both children were artists at stirring things up. Mine was no angel as I found out later. That was where I believe he started drifting away. I went to others for advice and got the same thing. He's no good, he's having an affair. Bottom line, get rid of him. Well, I never had that chance. He died several months later. He never complained about illnesses. He did get dizzy and sometimes would pass out. In those days doctors dismissed it as he was drinking and smoking too much. Problem was he hardly drank but every now and then he would tie one on and never smoked. at the funeral his very close (single)friends paid their respects. One that I was also very close to I pulled aside and had to ask if he knew of my husband having an affair. In no uncertain terms he stated no way. He did like to look and flirt as you put it but while they were out all he talked about was me and the kids. But he also felt that he was not part of the family that I brought into the marriage. He said that I spent alot of my time treating my son like an adult while brushing my husband off to the side, My parents were domineering and like to controll things. My son ran to them if he looked sideways at him. Of course, I had to hear about it. He also stated that he thought my husband had been sick and in alot of pain for some time because he did see him go through changes. He would tell them about his pain but did not want to worry me. His joking around came less and less. His mind was always racing thouugh all kinds of things going on. They joked that it was my nagging causing this and wrote it off as such. While cleaning out his things i came upon some things. He was always trying to make things better for me and the kids. He was working more hours, taking odd jobs around town, he was pawning and selling some of his things that i knew at least he held dear at one time. This was all found through receipts and notes. He had planned a getaway with the family. It was all there in black and white. All this through what I found even later what must have been excruciating pain. I;m not going to bore you with more. I found notes and cards to me that he never gave me. They would go on and on about how much he loved me, his hapiness with me, his fears of the future. He had always had a hard time saying his thoughts. These letters were poetry. I do want you to get one thing out of my mistake. You know this man more than any of us do. At least I would hope. Take a good look into his soul. I knew what was in my husbands soul because that was why I married him faults and all. He loved God, his family, and his friends. Yes he drank every now and then and would overdo it the same as yours. He was a flirt and I knew it. He flirted with everyone young and old, pretty and not so pretty. That was part of his charm. Again, that was a reason why i married him. Everyone loved him. That church was packed. Now all I have are the lovely memories of him and the one nightmare that wakes me up often. I listened to others that did not know him the way I did. You get a second chance to look through your eyes and heart and not through others....See MoreAdult daughter wants free access to home she doesn't live in
Comments (36)Hi, wow, thanks everyone for taking the time to read my post and respond to it. I came here for advice and other opinions on my situation and I sure got what I came for. One thing that keeps being asked is why she moved out. Everyone wants a clear cut explanation but teenagers are never that simple. The most obvious and probably the main reason is not hard to figure out. Tell me truthfully why do you think an 18 year girl old would want to live in her boyfriends house, hmmm... can't figure it out, could it be SEX. No couldn't be, she must've left because the evil stepdad makes her live under his awesome CONTROL. Please people, some of you have really hurt my feelings, do you really think I would be at a site like this, asking for help, if I was like that. Is that how you were taught to treat people who come to you for help and open their hearts for all to see? But what does that matter I'm just the evil stepdad, I deserve to be treated like dirt, right? But I do realize that none of you could possibly know all the details of my situation and you might fill in the gaps with things from your own experiences. Another reason she left is probably the same reason many young adults leave, they want their independance and freedom to do as they please whenever they please. No surprises there, just a typical teen. The last reason is probably me, I do take responsability for being part of the reason she left, however this takes some explaining and sets some of the blame back in hers and my wifes laps. But this also leads me to something else many have wondered about and that's why we don't get along so good. To explain this requires some background and explaining and a little bit of speculating. My wife was in an abusive relationship with her ex husband, he was a part of their lives until about 6 months before I came into the picture (kids were 14 (yes there's a brother, they are twins and I get along just fine with him)). The ex husband attacked her one time in front of the daughter, the daughter attacked the father and soon after my now wife obtained a restraining order against the father. That should not be taken lightly, I will say again, the kids have seen their real father abuse their mother. I should also explain that both my wife and stepdaughter suffer from depression and they both take antidepressants, nothing wrong with that just that they are known to have some extreme moods. My stepdaughter was also known for her temper tantrums, one example is, at a birthday party she spread her body over the candy that spilled out of a pinyatta (I don't know how to spell) so that none of the other kids could get HER candy. Picture this, a single mom raising two kids that she does not want to have a good relationship with their abusive father. He would give them anything they wanted to keep them in his life and then mom would do the same. To a teenager this must have seemed like she could run them both, anything she wanted she would get it from one or the other, she learned this early. Then comes the attack and the restraining order, she is cut off from her father. She started slipping away, I don't know why, I am no psychologist, she refused to go to school, withdrew from activities and friends, and worst she became aggresive towards her mother. Then I appeared, about 6 months after the attack, I met my wife on the internet in a chat room, we chatted, then phone calls till all hours of the night, we didn't know where the time went, until finally we met face to face and we knew we were in love. The daughter was not too happy about this, now she had to share the only parent she had left. The first words I ever heard from the girl was a very long email about how terrible her mother was and the awful things her mother had done to her (all lies or greatly exaggerated truths) and what a terrible person I was for even thinking about having a relationship with her mother. Her mother tried family counseling with no affect, until finally the daughter became violent with her mother and brother. I remember my wife telling me that she had to put a lock on her bedroom door because she was afraid to go to sleep at night. Soon she had her daughter enrolled and staying at, a school for troubled teens, all this done with the guidance and advice of trained professional counselors. She was not sent away and forgotten, my wife was a big part of her life, there several times a week and to take her out almost every week. While she was there she seemed to mature a little, but she also learned some wonderful things from the other girls, like self mutilation (yeah cutting herself to feel she was in control of something). My wife and I continued to date, long distance, two states away, for about two years. Then we got married and they moved to my state where we bought a house big enough for the four of us. (I should also mention that my wife is not so good with finances, we could not get a loan if her name was anywhere on the documents). I brought the family back together and made it clear from the start that violence would not be tolerated. Well, the daughter started right in trying to do whatever she wanted without regard for anyone else, she was not easy to be around. I really did try to have a good relationship with her but she would ocassionally express her disrespect (aggressively) and it would all fall apart. I know I am partly to blame here I am sure I could have reacted differently, any parent knows children can try you patience and being an inexperienced parent I guess I let her get me riled up. She had been used to telling her mother what to do and she would do it, now her mother would stop and say she needs to see if thats ok with her husband (some of you will try to twist that into controlling, give me a break, some decisions husbands and wives need to check with each other on). This new stepdad was getting in her way, now she really needed to get rid of me. My stepdaughter was in our house for about two years and that brings us to when she moved out. Not very eventful, she started dating this guy he was 25 years old and had his own house, she was 18 so she would stay with him most nights for about two months until she moved in with him. She knew exactly what she was doing and decided to give up living with us so she could be with him, she knew she was welcome to stay and she knows she is welcome to come back. But she also knows if she comes back she will have to follow a few rules and help out around the house. The way she has it now, she can come over and do whatever she wants when we are not home, not contribute anything to the household, then leave the mess and go sleep with her boyfriend. She gets the best of everything and none of the work or responsabilities. As for helping her with college, she does her homework at school, they have wireless at the library, and I should mention that my parents (her step grandparents) are helping to pay for her tuition. We do not provide her with food she works in a restaurant and her boyfriend is so cheap they don't have a full kitchen yet. Where all their money goes is a mystery, they both work, they heat with wood (in other words free) his mother bought the house they live in (no mortgage), no tv, no phone, I am surprised they have electricity. And guess what, drum roll please, she's pregnant. All the more reason I will not try to get in the way of her and her mother having a relationship, I guess I really don't mind her coming over when we are not home as long as she is respectful, the problem is that she is not. We do not even know she is coming and the only way we know she has been there is that things have been moved around, messes have been made and food is missing (yes she eats alot, she weighs about 250lbs). The time my wife told her not to come over when we were not there was when we both came home late from food shopping or something and we wanted to relax a few minutes and watch tv but the remote had disappeared. I know that I am welcome to go to my parents house anytime but I wouldn't dream of being disrespectful about it because I know they would tell me to not come over anymore. That's what my post is all about, my stepdaughter does not seem to understand that she has made choices and with every choice there are consequences. I was taught that parents are supposed to teach their children how to get through this world and be responsable, respectable adults. That's my real question is it better to let her do as she pleases or help her learn an important life lesson. It is not a matter of control it is a matter of an adult trying to help a child understand this world. Listening to some of your posts, I think it is way too late, and I need to let it go, so my wife can get to know her grandchild and try to be happy. Thanks again for all your posts, take care and god bless you all....See Moremkroopy
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