Why do marriages go stale?
eckles
9 years ago
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Comments (20)
eckles
9 years agoRelated Discussions
Stale Gas question
Comments (15)I use Stabaliser but I start the engines and allow them to run to full operating temp every 30 days or so.I feel this way there is a different bach of gas in the carb.I have never had a problem with gas going bad in a tank or gas can.But a carb holds a small amount of gas and air gets to it more then in the tank or in a sealed gas can.So by starting the engine and allowing it to run every 30 days there is a different gas supply so varnish does not have a chance to form.There are warm days during the winter and they come within 30 days.I start my snowblower the same way during the summer months.I just find cooler days to do it.I start my generator every 30 days and plug in a few items like a trouble light to excersise it also....See Moreno hope for my marriage..anything I can do?
Comments (19)1. When he is loving he is really genuine and fun to spend time with. That's how most abusers are. It's how they keep their victims around. Sadly, typically the good loving times get fewer and fewer and the abusive times get more and more often. 2. He turned his life around for me in a lot of ways already. He has never cheated on me (yes I am sure)and he hasn't done any drugs or drank very many times since we met. He found a good job and has been responsible. He hasn't cheated on you- yet. Generally with cheaters it's only a matter of time. If he cheated on his last long term relationship odds are better that he'll eventually cheat on you. 3. He lets me stay home well he works to take care of me and provide for us, honestly doesn't mind doing it and never has complained. If that's one of the big reasons why you stay, it's tantamount to admitting you're a kept woman. 4. He is really good in bed and very good looking (lol tmi) And there are lots of good looking, good in bed, non-abusive men out there. 5. My husband is very artistically inclined/ talented. He is a great guitarist/songwriter and does his own photography. Presumably he's doing all this while you want to spend some together time, and so he gets verbally abusive and calls you "clingy". Is it a good trade off, and does this outweigh being a person who will hit you when all else fails? 6. For the most part he is very peaceful (the arguments where he has hit me do no happen often at all and he is usually just a back away from the situation type). The arguments where he hits you should not happen AT ALL. And violent behaviour tends to escalate, however slowly. Think about how you'd feel going from saying, "Oh, he only hits me every couple of months" to "Oh, he only hits me every couple of weeks" to "Oh, he only hits me every couple of days". 7. His outlook on life is always choosing to believe the best will happen and not the worst. Well so it may, for him. 8. He doesn't worry about anything, which really helps me because I have an anxiety disorder. I'd have an anxiety disorder too if I lived with someone who might hit me. Seriously, there have to be better treatments than living with someone who treats you badly, is verbally abusive and calls you "clingy" if you want to spend time together. If you're in a relationship why wouldn't you want to spend time together? It's a reasonable expectation. Otherwise you're the housekeeper and bit on the side while he plays the guitar and takes pictures. 9. I think he genuinely felt bad for keeping it from me that he slept with 15 year old and cheated on his ex. He said he was scared he would loose me. (I do tend to be kinda reactive sometimes. But he didn't feel constrained to keep it from you that he wanted to get back together with his ex and have a baby with her. Especially knowing that you have just lost a baby and may not be able to have another. It's good he's turned his life around somewhat since you've been together but you both need to know that being verbally abusive, pining aloud for the ex and hitting you are all deal breakers for any marriage. Don't put up with it for the sake of a comfortable bed....See MoreMy marriage is falling apart, I don't know what to do
Comments (14)DistressedWife, this husband of yours has problems and he is using you to make himself feel better about himself. That's what I think. He feels better after he has chastised you, belittled you. He wants to set the rules. I think that he needs a good kick up the arse but not by you. He's not worth a kick up the arse. I know he was your best friend and I suppose you were his best friend but now that you are married, he no longer seems to see you that way. You are his wife. He feels entitled. Well, he's wrong. But he won't know or think he's wrong. He's got a lot of growing up to do and that is his problem. Your problem is him, and a little bit you. (You need to build up your self esteem.) You have to get brave. Get yourself organised, pack your stuff, and get out to a better place. Your father's house seems like a good option. Take some control of your life and you will feel that you have some control. I wouldn't do this when he is around. Wait until he's gone out. He won't want you to have control over your life. And of course he'll want you back. He wants you as his underling. He is not fit to be your husband. Maybe one day he will be. But only he can fix himself. The longer you are away from him, the more likely he is to be motivated to do so. My de facto husband does bot believe in marriage, that's why he and I never married. He thinks that when people marry, they change. I think he is right. Life is about changing our minds. I changed my mind about ever wanting to marry my de facto. You might change your mind about never wanting a divorce. Or you might decide to stop wanting to work at your marriage when you are the only one doing so. For it takes two, to make a marriage work, and at the moment he has no intention. You can't change him but you can change you. And your predicament. All the best. And I'll be sending good vibes your way....See MoreWhy do I love her??? Do I really?
Comments (24)Hey Betty, When a child has had a bad dream, they seek out the safety and security of snuggling in bed with Mom and/or Dad. That is a typical thing every parent deals with...and I understand that. But there is another school of thought out there, and the one that their father and I believe in, that those who follow this practice routinely may be causing their children more harm than good. It's ok to do it from time to time...(I allow them to lay with me in the middle of the night, but take them back) but it needs to be done on a limited basis because it's possible for that child to develop a dependency on such a routine. Children who co-sleep, or regularly sleep side-by-side with their moms and dads, could face fears of detachment when it comes time to sleep in their own bed or even get dropped off at school in the morning. Having their own bed helps kids become independent. It's a healthy way for them to disconnect from their parents and function on their own. Not only that, talk about a way to ruin a marriage...or at least complicate things. Sometimes bedtime is the only time parents get to be together. It's just not a time or place for the kids to be often. What it all comes down to is just a matter of opinion. However, there should be a common-sense approach to co-sleeping if a parent wants to do it...and it should apply to single parents too. There's a difference between playing in bed with your child on a Saturday morning or letting then lay with you for a little bit or sleep overnight after a bad dream and making it a weekday ritual. Bio-Mom does it every time there is a problem. Sometimes every night that they are there. I think that's way too much...and contributes to the problems that Sam has when she needs to let go. It seems that Marie is allowing her to sleep with her more and now Sam can't even go into her preschool without clinging,something she has never done before. When Sam goes to bed here, she smiles, giggles and says "I'm scared and need to sleep with you." We kiss her and tell her we love her, rub her back and we all laugh. She knows it doesn't work here....From this, I get the sense that she does it with her Mom because it works. And that there really is no need for her to be doing it. But, I understand that it can provide comfort to a child, but if given too much, it doesn't allow the child to hold their own. I want independent, strong kids...not big whiney babies who can't do anything by themselves. Yes, Bill, Marie wants to ask us what she should do, but doesn't really want us to tell her. It's pretty hard to figure things out. And we have been SOOOOOO open about other things...this just really confused me. I have also given my opinions in the past....maybe she is more sensitive to them now that I am marrying her ex. I see your point that I shouldn't have gone there and her reaction to things may be justified. However, I think it is her own issues and sensitivity that causes her to react that way. It's her problem, not mine. In the future, I will make my suggestions in a more sensitive way. D and I have also agreed that when we feel the need to suggest what she should do, we will do it together or have him do it. Just a day before, he approached her on the same topic and handled it in a similar way and she was okay with it. It's just harder for her when it comes from me...because of many different factors, mainly that she is insecure and knows that I am better at a lot of things. She relies on the fact that she is their Mom....that's what helps her...but at the same time, I know she feels inferior. But the next time she asks me what I think.......I'm going to write her back and say, Are you sure you really want to know?...See MorePhoneLady
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