If & when he wants to talk about it, he will. My DH is in the same boat, hasn't spoken to his younger brother in years....really sad IMO.
We have not spoken about it really, men are different than us girls, they don't always NEED to talk about such mattrs.

If you intervene, you may only make it worst and then your husband may resent you for getting involved and stirring things up. Stay out of it. Your husband will let you know when he is ready, if ever, to renew his relationship with his siblings. NancyLouise

He's set a pretty clear boundary, which you need to respect;
ignoring it or crossing it isn't helpful, & it'll put you in the wrong.

thanks ladies, I shall butt out!

Wow.. I totally disagree with the other responses.. If everyone is afraid of broaching the subject, then nothing gets done about repairing whatever happened to cause the strain. And time already lost plus more without even trying is a real shame. Many times it is some stupid little remark that someone takes differently than originally intended or something such as that and it causes hurt feelings that people don't even express at the time, but hold onto sometimes for years. You, being not as close emotionally to his siblings... you could maybe somehow either get hubby to make the first move at being friendly again... or maybe you befriend the women in the situation if there are any of them... Or..at the very least you could send a friendly holiday(we have 2 coming up soon) card and write some nice and caring thing to them.. break the ice with some sugar, so to speak. You don't have to be a bulldozer and run over people and try to force anything.. but more like a sweet friend and just be plain nice to your/his family.... As far as men not needing to talk about it like women do.. well you might be surprised at how men will go into a chat room (or even a message board) and open up and talk with a perfect stranger woman that is willing to listen. I've had so many say that no one ever asked him how he feels about this or that.. anyway.. don't be afraid to have a relaxed conversation about whatever subject to your spouse.. it's called sharing and trusting... Take Care

All the previous responses (except the last one) certainly explains why, even with a new wife in the picture, my brother is still estranged from our family. We were hoping she could provide him with some perspective, but it's clear she feels the way the majority here does. Sadly.

So let me get this straight, Jewel, it's your sister in law's job to make your brother reach out to you? What's stopping you from getting the reaching out going from your side of things?

It's not her job, but we were all HOPING she could bring some perspective to the situation that might result in softening my brother's heart. We have reached out -- all of us, numerous times.

OP's husband has told her it doesn't bother him any more.
period.

He's "opened up" as much as he wants to, & it isn't anyone's place to push or badger or pry any further.

Jewel, if you've all reached out numerous times & rebuffed, just stop.

Being disappointed with the wife of a person who has cut you out of his life is way over any kind of boundary line & may be a clue as to why this grown man has severed ties with you.

Goodness, Sylvia, you're awfully harsh. And, you're assuming that the OP's wife (or, conversely, my brother's wife) would push, badger, or pry.

And, hey, thanks so much for also assuming that the reason my brother is estranged from the family is because we have boundary-respect issues. Sheesh. Considering that you know nothing about either situation (the OP's or mine), your comments are not at all helpful or accurate.

Speaking for my DH only...if I attempted to patch things up between he & his brother, he would be angry with me. I choose to support my DH and thats all...

Thanks for your comments.

Your brother isn't in contact with you,
& he hasn't responded to your attempts to get in contact with him,
& although he's given you no encouragement, it hasn't stopped more than one of you from attempting to get in contact "numerous times".

That's a boundary issue.

& now you want to get his wife involved.

That's a boundary issue.

Sylvia -- Truly, you know nothing of our family situation. To enlighten you as to the form our "contacts" with my brother have taken would make you feel foolish for the conclusions you've drawn.

You also have no basis for concluding that my brother hasn't been in contact with us nor do you have any basis for assuming there's been "no encouragement".

Your wild assumptions based on a few short, non-detailed, comments in my previous posts are absolutely astonishing.

just goin' by what you posted.

Sometimes there are good reasons for family ruptures. Let sleeping dogs lie.

I think Lisa said it all in one short sentence. "I choose to support my DH and that's all...". Well said. To do anything else would just be stirring up trouble and not supporting your husbands' decision. Stay out of it. NancyLouise

I am a person in Karen's husband's situation. There is a family member I don't see, my dad. I love my dad and I would not refuse to see him if he wanted a relationship with me, but quite honestly my life and my family's life is much more peaceful and restful without my dad in it.

My husband didn't understand for many years. He thought I must surely miss my dad and my husband thought if he reached out to my dad that would heal a rift in my family and that would be a good thing. My husband is a wonderful man and I understood why he tried. Even though I explained how restless, moody, difficult and unhappy my dad can be, my husband still didn't get it. I went along with each attempt my husband made to reach out to my dad because I felt it was the right thing to do for my husband. I'm so glad I did, because I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I tried to do the right thing.

One day we were all at a funeral and my husband finally saw for himself what I tried to tell him. My husband told me I was right to let well enough alone.

Karen, you know your husband. Is he the type to get angry over petty things and hold grudges? Is he a sensible, reasonable man? How well do you know his family? Some people have family members who are so toxic it's a blessing to have distance from them. In that case it's sometimes best to leave well enough alone.

I'd love to have a dad like most of my friends' dad's, like my husband's dad. But I don't. My dad is a hurtful person and I cannot change that, and I don't miss having that in my life. My husband will probably never understand, but whenever my dad crosses my mind I am filled with gratitude. I think of the happy memories I have with him as a child and a teen - teaching me to drive, to bat a baseball, to shoot a basketball, letting me on the roof with him while he reroofed our house, teaching me to play tennis. And I'm filled with gratitude that I don't have to deal with the bad things. There is no sadness, no wistfulness, no longing for what could be. Just peace.

I know that often reconciliation is a beautiful thing. Sometimes people realize that the things that kept them apart were petty. Or sometimes we need to forgive someone even if they don't ask for it to keep the relationship. Maybe all it needs is a fresh perspective, as Jewel says would help in her own family. If you think that's the case then reach out and try to help your husband reconcile with his family. Just keep in mind that we have to deal with family the way they are and not the way we wish they were.

Whatever you decide, I hope your husband has a joy filled holiday season with people he loves and who love him. If you and your husband have a close, loving marriage then your husband has a lot to be thankful for in his life.

thanks so much for all your thoughts daisyinga, my husband's family is somewhat toxic and I do understand that because i have a few like that in my family. And at some point you have to say "enough" and move on for your own sanity. I decided to leave things alone and he actually on his own made a comment the other day about maybe reaching out. So we'll see. They've hurt him tremendously so they don't deserve for him to reach out to them, it should be the other way around. But whatever makes him happy, that's all I care about at this point.