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nbee_gw

My partner's son hates me, how do I build a relationship with him

nbee
9 years ago

I have been dating a man for about five months. I know this seems new, but I've spent every day with him since we met, including the 50% custody he has with his two boys (5 & 3).

The older son and I have a great relationship, he comes in every morning to snuggle with me, and he tells me he loves me (although I'm sure it's because he knows he has me wrapped around his finger).

The younger son, however, covers his eyes in the morning because if he can't see me then I can't see him. When I go to put his seatbelt on, he screams and has a tantrum because he wants his dad to do it. He doesn't acknowledge me when I pick him up from daycare with his dad. And I just sat down to play cars with him and he asked me to get away from him (there was no please, but it was just a calm request). We have only just picked them up for the week and he's already had about 5 melt downs.

In his defence, he doesn't really like women. He cried when a lady I used to work with at a cafe paid too much attention to him, and he doesn't say bye to his childcare ladies. When his dad isn't around and he's scared he asks me for a cuddle, and if his dad isn't ready to get out of bed and make him toast he will ask me. But mostly he just doesn't want a bar of me.

A few weeks ago when I was there to pick him up from daycare he ran at me and yelled my name before his dad's and gave me a cuddle first, and usually he lets me play cars or hide and seek with him.

I'm just wondering if there is anything I can do to make him feel more secure? I want him to come home to somewhere he feels safe and loved, and I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong.

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