Return to the Marriage Forum | Post a Follow-Up

Wife Cheated, trying to fix things.. what about her Girlfriend?

Posted by BigDave410 (My Page) on
Fri, Sep 16, 11 at 15:51


Here is the basic breakdown of what happened.. For about 3 months my wife suddenly wanted to go out every weds night, she had my stepson stay at his dads, and I was home with our 4 yr old. I always asked hey, can I go to girls night once? I know its girls night, but we never have a chance to go out together, she went ballistic. threatened leaving me, she went shopping one day and I realized she was looking at apartments to move out to, not looking at dresses..

Fast forward and I find her deleting a txt message from her phone, it was froma number not a name in her contcts, I was like why are you deleting txts she went ballistic and said I was delusional, she wasnt deleting anything.. I have a good memory so I remembered what I thought was the last 4 digits, One weds when she was out I ddecided to txt the number as I saw it coming up on our cell phone bill for her line but only on weds nights just after she left, and just prior to returning home, only for 1-2 minutes per call.. It was a guy, his name was one I knew, she had a on and off thing with him for years prior to us getting together she told me how much of a piece of garbage he was, how could this be?
I confronted her that night, she then and still says they ran into each other 1 time at the bar and it was not set up, she gave him her number months prior and he never called, but then he started txting her recently (all the calls I saw where her calling him sometimes he would call right back).

Anyway, she has this girlfriend who she started hanging with at the same time who is half her age, she use to babysit this girl and then they where going out drinking together, this girl I feel has a problem. she once was so drunk she threw up all over my driveway, and I have heard of several other times.

I am trying to work things out with my wife and she has said they where never "Together" never kissed, etc, just talked. I am unsure still to believe that 100%. but I am trying to work things out.

My wife wants to still be friends with this girl, I have reserved feelings about because she has talked very innappropriately around our teenage son, who also has confided in me he cant stand her, she mentioned to us infront of my son things like "Wouldn't be the first married guy I screwed around with" and "I didn't realize he didnt have any teeth until I woke up in bed with him the next morning".

am i over reacting on the friend? She just seems so trashy and has so many issues which my wife genuinely probably does want to help her with, but I am sure this girl new of my wifes "Secret friend"

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Wife Cheated, trying to fix things.. what about her Girlfrien

I would bet my life that your wife is sleeping with this guy,she is lying to you,I dont think the friend is the issue,your wife probly uses her as an excuse just to meet the guy.

RE: Wife Cheated, trying to fix things.. what about her Girlfrien

Has the girls night out stopped? If not that has to before you can fix anything. Its totally inapropriate to be hanging out with a girl half your age at bars. hanging at bars without your other half husband/wife is asking for trouble. I agree with the above poster..
You two have alot to discuss and ground rules need to be in place..Either she wants to be married or she wants to be a bar slut..

RE: Wife Cheated, trying to fix things.. what about her Girlfrien

"Either she wants to be married or she wants to be a bar slut.. "

Brutal. But accurate.

RE: Wife Cheated, trying to fix things.. what about her Girlfrien

She will continue to deny everything, call you crazy, disillusion, paranoid, etc....until such time you sit her down and tell her that you know all the details. And then, forced with no way out of the main lie...she will continue to lie about every little detail about the affair, and then lie about everything else having to do wity rebuilding your relationship until she does it again.

Or at least that was my experience. I hope you have a better outcome, but based on what you are saying, she's already checked-out on the marriage....sorry.

RE: Wife Cheated, trying to fix things.. what about her Girlfrien

I am sorry that this is happening to you. Awhile back this was me. I found the emails by mistake; he said they just had a few lunches, different than what she said and what the cellphone records said...long story short we almost divorced. He has been more on time coming home, more considerate at times but all in all, I will not trust again if ever. You need to get some therapy with her and without her. i wish at times i had left and now i would be okay, over the pain if that would be possible. take great care of yourself and remember you deserve to be loved and treated with respect.

RE: Wife Cheated, trying to fix things.. what about her Girlfrien


I agree with above.... she needs to make a choice. And, IMO, ANYONE who said something about sex, sleeping with someone, waking up next to someone, etc, in front of my teenage child????


Regardless, that girl shouldn't be around your son. Period. It's not appropriate, even if he finds it disgusting. Why have those sorts of people in your life?

 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!

Return to the Marriage Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Please review our Rules of Play before posting.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.

Learn more about in-text links on this page here