Age Difference
silversword
15 years ago
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gardenfrog
15 years agoathlete2010
15 years agoRelated Discussions
Age Difference
Comments (14)Western "Age doesn't matter... maturity does." Stargazzer, "You are right when I think of marriage I am thinking adults not minors. I was almost 19 when I married and I was very mature as far as responsibility goes, but not in terms of judging a mate's character, I was waaaaayyyy to young on that score" That's exactly what I'm getting at. I agree it's not always a certain age, but how old do you have to be in order to be able to really judge your own maturity? Children think they are mature enough, and I thought I was mature enough and flattered to be dating a man 20 years my senior, that this older man found me interesting/acceptable proved I was mature right? WRONG!!! We can let this thread die, I'm not really attached to the outcome :) I was just curious what y'all thought. Thanks for humoring me....See MoreDecisions about children with SO
Comments (7)"Treating all kids with love and fairly -- which doesnt mean equally." That is the key to keeping jealousies and sibling rivalries down. My son does experience jealousy from his much older half brother and older nephew. However, there is major dysfunctionality in that family and in truth, DH has not necessarily treated them all fairly. My DS7 does get the lions share of affection, resources and so on. I agree with all above though, in healthy situations the older kids usually LOVE the idea of a baby brother or sister. Just be careful not to lean too hard later for babysitting as that will not be appreciated. My SD36 is still quite bitter that she had to babysit her younger brother, SS30 a great deal. You are wise to be thinking through these issues now. I certainly didn't and have paid the price! On BM, if she is jealous now, and the new baby gets more love, attention, toys clothes etc from you and your SO watch out! Especially if a new, nicer, larger house is added. That is your wild card. But, if she thinks her kids are being treated fairly when the baby comes, she should be OK. If she thinks the new baby has a silver spoon and hers have plastic, keep your flak jacket on!! This is a good time to get your potential skids college funds going. Sounds a bit much but all BMs want to know their kids are protected when the new baby or babies come along in a second marriage. Their fears are legitimate and universal. For all of the issues posted on this board, having a baby (or children later) in your life is a wonderful thing....See MoreCaught in the Middle
Comments (11)--"The younger SD went into a screaming/crying fit. I asked them both to leave the barn because the older could have easily given her the broom and the younger didn't have to make such a fuss. "-- I'd likely be annoyed little sister is to get her own way and that I'm expected to give it to her so she won't cry/fuss/whine too. Personally I would have handed each child a broom and said 'here, this is the one you are using today'...since that was not first thing done, secondly I would not have the idea that 8 yr old should give in to 6 yr old just to shut her up. In my opinion the only 4, 5, 6 only plays part in this when it comes to Dad giving these kids excuses. From what was posted it might be a bit of younger sister has learned how to manipulate you/Dad/sister into getting what she wants. And the attitude of 'older could have easily of given younger' may just be feeding the tirades of the younger child. With younger child tossing hissies and getting her way, if I were her 2 yr older sister I'd likely think I just might try that method too. Hey, works for little sister. It could also be building strong resentment between the girls. I'd be mad if I had to give into somebody to shut them up. This six yr old does not get away with this at school you can bet on that. A soon as she would fit over someone having what she wanted, the teacher's attitude would not be 'oh ok, kid give the crying/whining little girl what she wants to shut her up'. I think prehaps Dad and you need to sit these girls down and have a talk. What is occuring is unacceptable. Should not matter if it is you tending the kids for the day, just Dad or the two of you together. Dad is wrong to excuse behavior. Bad lesson to teach a kid. You are wrong in thinking oldest should cave to smallers hissies. It is hard to only have the girls every other weekend but sharing, taking turns, listening to rules and following them should be expected ...it's not optional. Whether it is you or Dad, when you tell them they can not act this way around around animals they need to know exactly why. Not just are they not listening and being naughty, they are changing getting kicked, getting you kicked, hurting the horses blah blah. It's not going to matter if these girls 'are only 4, 5, 6' kicked is kicked. My DH is deaf in one ear due to being kicked on the side of the head by a horse (no he was not scaring them or mishandling them, he was flying with them and they got spooked by storm) The age difference should not be a real big factor in that whether you are 23 or 38, when these girls are left in your care for the day, it's not so much (IMO) that you think they are demon spawns, but that they are indeed acting like little demons. You have to get the 'give the younger kid her own way' nipped and nipped immediately. If they both insist on acting like 2 year olds, you might have tried 'fine, you both can go sit on that straw bale and think about your behavior while I finish this'. Alot is going to depend on how the girls are allowed to behavior the other 20something days a month. If they really are 'well behaved' except for when with you...you need to change your tactic in dealing with them. If they think they can run over you, they will. With you being closer to their age than their parents, they may have a tendency to not view you as an authority figure. If so, Dad needs to work on that too. Most 1st and 2nd grade teachers are young 20's these days. Children respect them and listen to them and are disciplined by them on a daily basis....See MoreAm I the Wiked step mom here?
Comments (27):) There seem to be a lot of conversation going on about my age and the fact that I moved out at 16. Now by all means I was NOT advertising it was a good idea it was something I had to do : problems with my mom. And yes you can dissaprove and yes you can find it weird but I don't think this is the point here. Anyways I didn't move in and try to change everything. Tell me finedreams... you deceide to go and have a bath or a shower... and then you realise there is hair all over the bath/shower. What do you do? Obviously you tell the person who did it to clean it up. Which at first I did ask DH to go and tell to SD because I didn't think it was 'right' for me to go and ask her... but I still wanted my shower and I might be weird I don't know but I do not like to take a shower with a mess of someoneelse's hair at the bottom. And after a while waiting and nothing's happening I just gave in and cleaned it myself because I was sick of waiting for SD to get up her arse and clean it. After all I WAS waiting after that to take my shower. This is a comun example of everyday. I do not clean after themselves because I WANT but because I NEED to. If I want to cook in a pan and the pan is encrusted with food because they can't cook properly and let it burn... I still need to clean that pan because they don't listen to DH when he tells them to go clean it so I can use it... so I end up having to clean it because I NEED to use it. After a while of living here... I got tired of it. I started going to ask them (I was asking nicely) and at the start it did work. They were actually listening to me. But then they stoped and it was back to square 1. And then this is my problem. I KNOW it is DH's job to tell them... but they don't listen to him and they don't listen to me obviously. I personally think he should dicipline them as in... well if you don't do it there will be consequences (not dicipline as a slap in the wrist as everybody seem to think I'm talking about). But who am I to tell him how to raise his children. Yabber seem to have gotten what I was going on about... should I tell him he should dicipline them or should what? should I just wait and wait and wait for my shower until they decide to listen to him. You know? And these are only few examples. They are slobs yes but I'm not trying to change to house or change them... it's just I cannot live the way they live so we obviously need to meet in the middle somewhere. DH wants a clean house but has given up on them because they are slobs and because they don't listen to him. And I just feel I'm the one cleaning the mess. Anyways, as I said previously I think I will take some time away from this place... time for me to think. Again thank you all for your responses. As blaming as they sound they do help... every little bit helps. Ocarina PS finedreams I do believe sometimes they are doing it on purpose... I feel very low these times because obviously I feel like I'm a wiked evil step mom or that they think I hate them, which I don't trust me. I would just like them to make a bit more effort so we can all live in peace but I don't know... I moved in because as I said previously I thought I could maybe 'fix' it. I did clean the kitchen top to bottom and was more than HAPPY to do it. I thought I was helping everyone here. Who in hell would say no to a free cleanup of their kitchen? But I just thought they would help me keep it that way. Or at least not make it worst you know....See Morewifetojoeiii
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