how my husband requests sex
sam8th
16 years ago
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close_1972
16 years agoplasticgarden
16 years agoRelated Discussions
No Sex With Affectionate Husband
Comments (13)There are also many medications (anti-depressants, high blood pressure meds, etc) and other medical conditions besides depression that can reduce sex drive, especially as one gets older. To each their own. If this arrangement works for the OP and her H, then good for them. I think many people buy into the "fairy tale" of marriage, the idea that you will meet your "soul mate" in young adulthood/barely older than a child, who will fulfill all your needs for the rest of your life in perfect monogamy. It's ridiculous. Life is a lot of things, a fairly tale it is not....See MoreI found out my husband requested escort service.
Comments (151)For anyone who may be wondering if Chazlie is the norm, let me clarify. Chazlie is a classic case of a person who has been wounded at a crucial point in life - maybe more than once. He has a deficit of compassion, love and respect for women as a whole. He justifies his acting out by belittling those who live a life he cannot fathom, one of true intimacy and security. I can predict fairly easily that such a man does not have a partcularly close, loving relatioship with his own mother, and I would also guess that his wife struggles with some codependency. He would probably argue both these points, since it is so hard to look internally when such a deep pain exists. The brain works exceedingly hard to "feel good" - and such acting out (yes, it's acting out, it's not socially acceptable, reasonable, nor is it normal) - is an attempt to make up for the pain that exists mentally and emotionally. That is the ONLY reason people are self destructive - and yes, blocking real intimacy through multple partners and infidelity is without question self destructive. This is sad, no matter how you slice and dice it....See MoreHusband's disinterest in sex is hurtful
Comments (14)Although I will add that I believe that the dynamic is different for people who were sexually abused in youth or childhood. And that anyone who starts to feel that their body is being transformed by their partner into merely a vehicle for that partner's sexual gratification--with pressure to perform on top of that (e.g., you have to pretend to be enjoying the process of your body being used as someone's tool for better masturbation) will naturally turn off sexually. It has nothing to do with rejecting the look of the partner. It has everything to do with issues of pressure, intimacy, closeness, trust, respect, a measure of autonomy, etc. A long-term partner is essentially more of a friend and family member than anything else after those first two or three years. Keep up the genuine praise (it must be truly felt, and stated calmly) and kindness, keep being repeatedly respectful, be somewhat autonomous but not aloof, listen carefully, do things outside the house together, engage in non-sexual affection with no groping whatsoever 8 times a day, be affectionate and patient through illness and stressors, be consistently supportive to each other, and you will have a happy enough sex life. Above all, listen, be brave in talking, be calm, and be devoted to your partner--focus on her or him, not your unmet needs if possible. Clean the house together. Laugh, play, spend time having fun, pay honest compliments....See MoreHow Do I Deal With My Husband's Anger?
Comments (13)I totally understand your situation, but I do want to ask about his "growing up" time. Was he raised in a family without a lot of stable conditions? By that, I mean "of the same" or "not normal conditions, should I say? My husband too was brought up in a "not so good environment, and he's #4 of 8 children, and it was a rough up-bringing for them all to some degree. Some areas affected some more than others, but this being said, does help to know the basis of the stem. Most of the 7 children (as 1 did die at the age of 18 in 1990) are on anti-depression medication, and have been diagnogsed as bi-polar, or something of similair. I've been married to the love of my life for 27 yrs this Oct. and let me tell you the last 3 haven't been fun at all. Most of the marriage has had it's times, but, it's like in full force now with the anger. In fact we've really fallen apart bad a few times lately, but we're starting counseling and marriage classes with a christian church this Friday. It's going to be ongoing. I just know it will. But I see you're stuggle, and you're doing the right thing by researching, and reaching out for advise or anything that may work. I've been there for quite some time, and you may want to google....Passive Aggressive. It sounds like you're really in a relationship with a husband with that condition. There's no cure, but it helps by you understanding. And not calling him out on it, as I knew I couldn't either as I don't have a degree to do so, but maybe even baby steps to help him see what he's actually doing. That's been my husband's problerm, and a passive agressive person always blames YOU! for everything. Even if it's black and white plain as day, and you had nothing to do with it, but it's you're fault and it will come down on your shoulders. Look it up, and not just one site, but many to fully understand, and let me know your thoughts. I'm the type that I believe I can fix anything, and i've been scared on this, even though i'm giving my best effort, but I can't throw this away until I know I've tried and down all that I can do. Sex, was getting scarce for a couple years, but i've even got that back to a couple times a week now. Awesome on that, until we argue, and then it just seems that he must take it to the extreme, and it doesn't stop until I take the larger part of the blame and reconcile. Just not what I intend to do for the rest of my life. I am 46 and he is 49, and we've just got to make this work, or else. 3 children, all grown and moved out, so that's a struggle also I'm thjinking, but it stems from his passive aggressive behavior and upbringing in such a passive household. Good Luck, and keep me posted...See Moreasolo
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