Involved with a man who is engaged to be married
nurse_christine
17 years ago
Featured Answer
Comments (53)
emmhip
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agocarla35
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
A married man
Comments (39)I always enjoy the athleticism of some people gained by jumping to conclusions! Branding him a "loser" without any more info than he's unemployed. I guess I'll have to remember every time someone says they're out of a job here, to remind them that they're a "loser". And to be married and unemployed, sounds like we've had a few "winners" around here! I agree with much of what Wildchild says, but obviously not all. And nycefarm and paula_pa really hit the nail on the head. There are lines across which people cannot cross and be my friend so yes, I will put conditions on a friendship! You will not embezzle from me and remain my friend is one thing. You will not lie about me, damage my reputation and get me into trouble unjustly and remain my friend. There are certain things that are beyond acceptability. At the same time I can accept differences where it's not something major. Each person has their own level at which choose how major something is. Why would the wife stay with him? Could be a lot of reasons. Could be she doesn't want a divorce. Could be that she believes in her wedding vows and takes them seriously. Not everyone finds divorce as fashionable as do some. Could be she's waiting for him to go back to work to try and get more in a settlement. Could be she knows nothing about it. Could be she's a nutcase. Could be a lot of reasons and without knowing more it's pretty arrogant to condemn either one of them. Do we even *know* there *is* a wife??? LOL We don't even know if the guy is in agreement with the friend! I know how that goes from experience! A co-worker and I would get together quite often. We were good friends and nothing more. We shared a crazy work schedule and it wasn't compatible with other friends for various reasons so she'd get together, talk, go to flea markets, go out to eat, but certainly not a "date" by any means. It was clear I didn't want more with her, especially after getting to know her better. It didn't take long to figure out why she was divorced three times! Massive trouble handling money and other issues. But we were friends, would help each other out occasionally as friends do. But then the sideways comments about when we're getting married coming in from other co-workers and other friends. Well, she was telling them that we were getting married. Uh, not quite. So, it might be a good idea for some of you folks to remember what happens when you assume. AFAIC, if the husband and wife are on the same page that it's over and is an issue of time, I have no problem with someone seeing someone else. If it's a platonic relationship anyway, which it could be - we do not know, I have no problem with that either. I do think, as a friend, I would say something about how I feel about it, but especially on this topic, I'd give it some deep thought and decide if I'm a little too demanding. I realize there's many who subscribe to the if you an't say anything "nice"... I'd advise you simply proceed with caution. Make your feelings known. But to cut off the relationship at this point could certainly hurt you a lot more than them. Especially if you don't know the facts. And maybe when you think about it, there's a way you can work this out in your own mind. OJ, you can just open up a second window and switch back and forth when you need to reference something. I find it easier than scrolling up and down the page. Ctrl+alt+shift+N will duplicate the page, including the page history in Opera. And you can refresh the page and see if anything new has been added while you're typing if it should happen to get lengthy....See MoreMarried a great man, but terrible stepdad
Comments (41)"Their BF was no more than a caregiver for them while I finished my degrees. After that I felt that he could not do enough for us,so I divorced him and told him to move on. It took him a while to get over it, and he turned from a nice gullible man to a crazy nut. " You know i was going to defend you for your household but after reading more carefully i fully understand now why people are so pist off at you. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS LINE I JUST READ. So you basically used this man, your ex, while you finished your degrees and then tossed him! WOW> You are a lowlife troll. I dont care if you pregnant. GOOD for you to marry a rich person. BUt HECK, for a moral perspective, your a leach. Hope your current husband made you sign a prenup to prevent you from dumping him and taking half his business. Yes, you provide for your kids. But they will hate you when they get older when they truly realize why you left their BF. ANd yes, they will have low self esteem while their stepfather caudles their new brother. So he didn't give any money to your kids. He still was a stayat home father while your got your degrees. You would be nothing right now, with no degrees if it weren't for him! If you didn't think your ex was worth anything then why did you have kids in the first place with him.? Why didn't you just use birth control , get on with your studies, and get married to a rich person in the first place????? oh and degrees mean nothing. I have a friend who dropped out in high school..he's a billionaire! and he still hates school...lol... You said it, your ex turned from a gullable man to a crazy nut. YOU USED A GULLABLE PERSON TO MEET YOUR ENDS , TOSSED HIM AND MADE HIM CRAZY. Who's the bad person here???? Take a good look at yourself! you know what? dont cry wolf. you made your bed, now ly in it! Don't complain that your new husband is a terrible stepparent. He is not terrible. You are a terrible person for dumping your ex the way you did and now you are complaining your rich husband doesn't look at your other kids the same way? WHY SHOULD HE?...See MoreBeing coy about engagement? LONG
Comments (28)Update... I had a long talk with BF last night. It was a very difficult conversation in which he agreed with tears in his eyes that I was right and he was sorry that he didn't have money to buy me a ring as soon as he'd said he would. I told him that I was frustrated that we moved in together under one circumstance (getting engaged with a ring in February, which is what he had said) and because of unexpected increases in his bills and financial problems, and my own somewhat cold feet about potentially becoming a SM, things have been delayed and delayed. Although I am able to adapt to changing circumstances this is (a) embarrassing me in front of my friends and family and (b) making me feel like a hypocrite. As far as his side, he told me June, then September, then Christmas... I keep oscillating between hope and dread, and then thinking, fine, I don't want the stupid ring anyway, just forget the whole thing. So what if we get engaged? Because I am not marrying him with 5-figure debt anyway, and it will take him 2-3 years to get out of it, so we might as well just work on our conflict resolution skills and stick this out together. His finances are being reviewed by his new financial planner who is going to make a suggestion to him on a couple of different ways he could go as far as a combination of debt snowballing, debt reduction and debt consolidation this coming Friday afternoon. I looked at his monthly budget with him last night and I have to admit that even I was shocked. There are too many minimum payments per biweekly pay period that are just too high to squeeze all in - I honestly don't know how he has been making it, and we live together!! I am surprised he never tried to borrow money from me - but glad too that he is working it out on his own. Although I did consider moving out as something of a "motivational tool" for him to clean up his financial act, and showing him that I deserve better, I felt at the end that it would just make me materialistic and selfish. He already knows that I am at the end of my rope!! He offered to move out and continue paying rent and bills to the end of our lease, but in my heart that really wasn't what I wanted. I just want him to be honest and not overly-optimistic about his situation. He is in a bad place - some of it is his own fault, but not all. We do not have joint debt, we do not have children together, and I am getting done the things I need to do. It is not going to hurt me to stick by his side when in 90% of our relationship area he is doing great. Also, at the end of the day, he has been doing everything I have asked him to do, i.e. involve a professional or team of professionals because it is clearly beyond his realm. After much discussion, I decided that we should continue to live together, and work on getting mostly out from underneath our debt over the next year, and not discuss marriage or getting engaged again until that time. I just don't see it happening. By next year at this time I will be out of debt myself, other than student debt, and will begin saving for a house. If there has not been significant progress in his financial picture (his money management style as much as anything else) I told him that it will really be a dealbreaker for me. He was not thrilled with that but agreed. I know that he has been very humbled and embarrassed by all this, and frankly he put up with a lot of humiliation that a lot of guys wouldn't have. I said a lot of things I wanted to say, but I also said a couple of things that I should not have said, and I regret that - namely rubbing it in that he did everything for his first wife to have a big diamond and be a SAHM, and all I get is the debris that's left. He should have told me that was a cheap shot, and challenged me whether deep down I wanted to really set a date with or without a ring, but he just said he was sorry and that he understood whatever way I went. He has proposed to me 100 times, and still somehow I don't feel like it is settled. Summary: I'm either a victim, or I make a decision based on how it feels to live in my skin every day. So I made a decision. I didn't get much sleep last night....See MoreGuess which ??Celeb?? is engaged to be married.....again.
Comments (27)I am not of the "ick" opinion because of the age difference. I'm of that opinion because of his nature. To have made his fortune in the way he has (and yes, the bunnies have all been willing participants) is ick to me. But - if it works for them whatever the reason, fine. He's just not attractive to me in any way - if she wants to bed with the (IMO) slimeball, that's her perogative. "...on there engagement"... oh my....See Morepopi_gw
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agopopsicle_toe
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoMeghane
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agosusanjf_gw
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agokayjones
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agonewhomeseeker
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agonurse_christine
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoemmhip
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agosweeby
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agocarla35
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agodirt_yfingernails
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agosweeby
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyborgal
17 years agoasolo
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agocarla35
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agomarge727
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agocarla35
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agonurse_christine
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agopopi_gw
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agowantoretire_did
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agodonna_loomis
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoaikidokap
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyborgal
17 years agocoolmama
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agosimply_sharon
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agowantoretire_did
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agodecorpas
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agofinedreams
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agodotz_gw
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoheatheryazz
8 years agotete_a_tete
8 years ago
Related Stories
BEFORE AND AFTERSBasement of the Week: A Man Cave Goes Chic and Family Friendly
Renovations lighten up a dad's dark rec room and make space for guests and family
Full StoryHOUZZ TOURSHouzz Tour: Modern Bucktown Beauty
Chicago couple's dream home marries open, minimalist style with cozy living
Full StoryINDUSTRIAL STYLEMy Houzz: From Raw Space to Hip Home in a Converted Utah Garage
Creative repurposing with an industrial edge defines the first home of an engaged couple in Salt Lake City
Full StoryHOUZZ TOURSHouzz Tour: Surfing Inspires a Metal-Happy San Francisco Loft
Surfboards, graphic wallpaper, a propeller and a little pink push this apartment out of obscurity
Full StoryHOUZZ TOURSMy Houzz: Sunny and Cheerful DIY Home in Minnesota
A newly married couple combines two units to create an inviting home with modern colors and a music studio
Full StoryBEDROOMSGuessing Game: What Might Our Bedrooms Say About Us?
For entertainment only; actual accuracy may vary. Always don fun goggles and engage your imagination before playing!
Full StoryTRADITIONAL HOMESHouzz Tour: Connecticut Farm Restored for Generations to Come
A man renovates his extended family’s stately farmhouse and land. Sustainable practices are used in gardens, wetlands and recreation areas
Full StoryHOUZZ TVHouzz TV: Grandmother and ‘Mad Men’ Inspire a Home
A Chicago man receives family furniture and researches his way to midcentury style, from Mamie Eisenhower walls to Atomic Age decor
Full StoryPRODUCT PICKSGuest Picks: The Paris Apartment of Your Dreams
Who doesn't long at least once to live in the City of Lights? Get the feel no matter where you live with this Parisian-style decor
Full StoryORGANIZINGDo It for the Kids! A Few Routines Help a Home Run More Smoothly
Not a Naturally Organized person? These tips can help you tackle the onslaught of papers, meals, laundry — and even help you find your keys
Full Story
Vickey__MN