he is either cheating or avoiding to physically abuse u because u r pregnant. Guys change after having kids. My sisters 2nd baby daddy started cheating and beating her and doing things to my nieces after she had her first kid by him. Now he's got her hooked on drugs. It's bad. Just get out of the relationship fast

This is the same as my story except that i have a 2 year old baby boy and i couldn't descide what is best for him. I am afraid that he might gate upset with me some day if leave to his dady. Sometimes i feel like loosing my mind.

@collenoz what you say is true he also grew up feeling ok when his mom was bitten up and treated badly . I married him without knowing what kind of person he was. He tries to act like a gentleman infront of everyone. And everyone thinks i have a perfect married life since he is well educated and descent looking man. The reallity is he is abusive. He has even bitten our son when he was only 6 month old. And he also slaped me on the same day while i was trying to free my son from him. At the time since i was with him in a foreign county which no one understands what i say, i told some of his co worker who speek english then they tried to help us resolve our issues. I kicked him out .. he stayed in a hotel for a week and after realizing his mistskes and talking to my family on phone .. i forgiven him for my childs sake. Now we again moved to other country for his work it is the same story all over again where i have no family or close friends. He abuses me imotionaly and treates/ calls me his maid. This time i feel like i am lossing my mind. Imagine i wasted 5 years of my life with him and this started after our 2nd Aniv after i was pregnant. Now my baby is 2 and i think it is time for me to free myself and fight for my life. I just pray to God to give me all the strength... by the way reading all your coments helped!!.. thank you

He bit your infant child? Why did you not call the police? That is not only child abuse but also a sign of deeper disturbances.

I was in a foreign country where i didn't understand a word of their language. He still spanks him when ever he feels the baby is being rude...

Where are you now?

I am in South Africa now

Joburg

Thank God that my boy is like a sunshine, very friendly and full of smile. I am glad that he doesn't understand all this hatered and bitterness at the moment.

It still affects them. Damages them as adults but they don't understand why.

i am not familiar with the culture in that part of South Africa but if he is abusing your boy, someone needs to do something.

My ex was an emotionally abusive alcoholic. When I noticed that my daughter was nervous around him, I left right away. Lived in a one bedroom apartment for seven years, until I could afford a larger one.

As soon as I was in my own place, I felt so much better.

Well your boy is not going to be like a sunshine for long if you insist on keeping him in a household where he is abused. How rude can a 2 year old be? For your baby's sake, if not for your own, leave. Clearly your husband is not going to change, he's had his chance and only pretended to change before. If your family can't or won't help you, contact the Salvation Army in SA, I believe they run women's refuges for women and children in your situation.

Thank you so much i will definately do something for my and my babys sake. He didn't ask to come to this world. We are responsible for everything. And he is the cutest thing ever ...even a stranger loves and adores him on the first sight and he never misbihaves as his dady claims. The guy is just being stubborn and un reasonable. Thank you so much for all the help.

Until you take responsibility for your part in this situation people can give you advice till their blue in the face but nothing will change unless you want it to. As long as you allow people to treat you like crap...you're going to be treated like crap. What you allow is what will happen.

Abuse is never your fault but you're a completely capable adult and if you choose to remain the victim...that's all you'll ever be.

Until you can look into yourself and deal with what's broken in you...no one can help you.

Sincerely,

Former victim, now Victor.

For a former victim, you sound awfully intolerant & hard-nosed & your tone is scolding.

Would that kind of thing have helped you when you were being mistreated?

I don't agree, clearly there is a recurring problem with women talking about their situations here hoping for miracles and refusing to take necessary steps themselves. Any perspectives that might cause them to recognize what needs to be done, start doing it are worthwhile.

http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/healing-from-narcissistic-abuse/

Melanie Tonia Evans explains what I was trying to say, my tone wasn't meant to sound as if I was scolding. My apologies. The thing that bothers me the most is when we complain about how others mistreat us is that no one wants to hear the truth. The truth is we have to own our part and take some responsibility for how others treat us. Instead of healing our own damaged inner child we expect someone else to do it for us which in turn leads to picking partners who abuse us. Nothing anyone can say or do will help us escape the abuse until we can fully understand we're being treated as worthless, undeserving and unlovable....because it's a reflection of how we feel and treat ourselves. The Constant seeking of "advice" from others does nothing more than allow the "victim" to vent, in turn, temporarily making her situation "tolerable" so she stays. Advice seekers unconsciously use the info provided to them by well meaning people as a way to make the abuser solely responsible, instead of looking into their own unhead parts, which stunts the victims emotional growth...and they either remain in the same abusive relationship for years complaining to anyone who will listen while doing nothing to change their situation or they'll continue to choose the same type of abusive partners.

Basicaliy....It doesn't make any sense whatsoever to spend so much of our time and energy expecting someone to treat us with kindness, dignity and respect when we can't even treat ourselves that way. Period.

We must come to terms with our broken inner child before we can truly break free from the abuse.

Former victim, now victor.

Coming back to the original comment, I hope you are ok now and have fix any issue with your husband and hope the baby is healthy and happy.

I would like to share some of my bad experiences while pregnant. Im 3 months pregnant. Most of the days my fiancee treats me well but he has some "episodes" where I think he is another person. One time I asked him for orange juice and found him using rotten oranges.. his answer was that all the oranges were rotten and since he was not completely woken up he didn't realize.. false since you can see the green fungus right away. how can somebody do that to a person? Yesterday, I woke him up telling him that I was having cravings of orange juice again and had to beg him to go to the store to buy some.. he went after some time and he was not happy at all. By the time he was back I didn't want the orange juice anymore and told him I was upset that I had to beg. He got mad. In the afternoon we had a family lunch (it was my cousins bd) and he didn't want to come. I understood since it was sunday 3rd of january and he saw my family already one time for lunch since new years (he has made it clear that doesnt want much contact wih them, just occasionally) I know my family is pushy but I felt really bad giving excuses for his absence. I asked him to pick me up and just say hi to my family but he didn't want to step in. I pushed him to come in, I know he was not going to be happy but I felt it was very disrispecfull to leave me and pick me up without saying hi after my aunt made an official invitation to both of us. He finally came im but made me feel embarrassed in front of them. And on the way back home he got furious. he said i make him do things he doesnt want and that he is tired of that. at home he told me that my family are bad people and talk bad thigs behind us. In fact they love him and miss him when he does not show up but i agree they are pushy to meet everybody together. To make things worse, we are trying to get a person to clean the house and it's really hard to find somebody you can trust. we had an interview with her yesterday Sunday. The disagrement is that he doesnt want her to live inside home with us and before I didn't want it neither but that is the only option she is giving since she is new to the city. now I don't care if she lives in or out since we really need the help.. but he won't allow it. We discussed about it, and I told him that I don't care of she lives inside but I want her working here soon. I was feeling pretty bad about all things that happened since the morning and left him to go alone to the interview. He did not get to meet with her and no deal was done. Basically, he treats people as he thinks is ok but I feel it's a bit hard. I'm softer treating people who work for you and he tells me im too soft and that's why they mismisbehave with me later (one of the cleaning ladies did steal from me). The reason they didn't meet was because the girl was late and my fiancee never got the message that she was coming late.. miscommunication. Told him that I will handle this but he has threatened me that if she comes to work and sleep inside home he will leave and take all his furniture. Not sure how to deal with him anymore. He sees me cry and don't ask anything since he is mad. I think yesterday he wanted to apologize but I was really tired of all the things he said that didn't want to hear anything anymore. I know I haven't been the nicest person, maybe I became a bit spoiled but I just know that he is doing and saying things to hurt me.. he knows very well how to make me cry. right now I'm in bed crying writing this and he has passed in front of me, changed his clothes and got ready to go run and hasn't said a word. is he emotially abusing me or it's just me being hormonal?

TBH I'm not sure I would be happy with you if I were your fiancé, either. Nagging to get you fresh oranges, then getting all pouty and " not wanting them any more because you had to beg"? Nagging him to meet with your family when you _ know_ he won't want to? Insisting that you have an almost total stranger come to live in your house, when your fiancé has said no and you admit to being a poor judge of character in already having issues with previous workers? ( And seriously, is this woman the _ only_ cleaner in your whole town? There's no one else you could hire as a daily help?)

I'm guessing your fiancé is ignoring your tears because he perceives it as another tool you are using to manipulate him, which in light of your behaviour to date is not entirely unreasonable.

You're pregnant (and only three months pregnant at that), not a princess. Time to put on your big girl panties and start acting like a strong, capable woman. Soon you will have your own helpless infant to care for.

If you stop being unreasonable towards your fiancé, he will probably rediscover the pleasure he had in doing nice things for you. It's no fun if he's only doing it because you nagged him into it.

Colleen said the exact things I was thinking as I read your post, babysontheway. It does sound like you're acting like a princess. Everything in your post reads that way. Seriously - getting him to go out to buy oranges because you wanted orange juice, and then telling him that you didn't want it any more? From all you've said, it sounds as though he's very tired of your actions. You even admit to being spoiled.

And yes - only one possible cleaning lady in your whole area? C'mon. I'm guessing that you don't live in the US - am I correct? I know folks that live in various other countries and live-in cleaning help is much more common (and much more affordable) than it is for most US folks. But - that's not the point.

You're pregnant and unmarried, meaning that it's much easier for your "fiance" to leave. If you were married it could still be through a divorce, but that would be more difficult. Do you have a ring and a date for a wedding? If not, I'm guessing that, if you suggest that you go from being fiancees to a married couple now, he'd decline.

Good luck.

Thank you both for been sincere in your comments. Thats what i was looking for, to see the situation from another point of view. I guess I have not acted correctly but its because i would do everything for him if he was the one needing help while sick, i would do literally everything, rigth away even if he wakes me up.. I don't mind and he doesn't have to beg me.. maybe I think he should act the same way and since I'm pregnant I hope even more.. but I guess I'm wrong there. His friend that also have a pregnant partner gave him this tip: "just accept everything, even if you are rigth.. just while pregnant". He told me and guess I took it very seriously cause he was not acting well before.

I also have not mentioned that I'm working full time and he is trying to start a bussiness. I support him emotionally, economically and I do help him with the start of the bussiness doing research. Although these 3 months i have had all sickeness, even with nauseas, indigestion and more I have helped him. I do work everyday and come home to do some cleaning. He does help but its not enough. Dishes are always dirty, and he leave his clothes everywhere. He has become better though, but after work I do have to do some house load plus all the things I have mentioned.. maybe I'm just tired. I don't consider myself a princess but I just expect more caring.. maybe my mistake was to expect to be more spoiled by him. Now I understand that I will not push him to even just say hi to my family and leave, and that I will have to accept that we won't have a person to help us with the cleaning for now.. btw, yes there is a lot of people that can clean in this city but they are not trusthfull and this person was the only one I found I could trust in 6 months.. bet I have to wait a bit more to find another one like her. That's not a problem.. the problem is that I still think he is been mean with me. He was cruel to me before, he did accept that and one time while I was sleeping he promised me that he would never be cruel to me again.. I woke up and heard everything he said. Thats why i could not differentiate this time if it was me or him. Still big part of the problem is me?

babysontheway, do you have family that you can stay with? Have you considered an abortion or giving the child up for adoption? Your BF does not seem ready to be a father, and you seem to need time to mature and get more self esteem. You should not have to provide all of the emotional support to your BF and clean up after him. If he wants clean shirts, he can wash them. If he gets angry over that, you really need to move out ASAP. Start making plans to get out. You could try counseling, but I am betting that he would not go. I left an abusive husband, so I know it can be done, and you will be happier instead of walking on eggshells.

I was just browsing and reading, was actually about to head in another direction until I read the poster whose husband bit their baby....WTH who stands by and allows their child to be hurt...is this the same poster waiting around for the wonderful man to reappear again? You've allowed your baby to be abused...what about the loving mother returning to protect her child? I'm just disgusted with this...your prioritys are in the wrong place, instead of whining about prince charming how about protecting your baby...any mother that allows her baby to be abused by ANY ONE and doesn't scream at the top of her voice for justice, isn't proactive in defense of her innocent helpless child is just as abusive as the one who bit the baby. say what you want about what I've wrote, I couldn't care less, I'm not the one abusing my children

@ mamapinky0.. i suppose you r commenting on my previous post. I thank you for the concern and just for your info the story didnt end threre. I interfered when he beat our child. Then he turn his anger towards me and we fought then ppl came and i have to remove him from the house with the help of his friends. I wanted to talk to police but i didnt know a word they speak.(it was a foregn country). Then he aplologiesed and family was involved to make peace። so i took him in without being convinced after he stayed in a hotel for more than a week.His argument is that since the baby does not like him as much us he like his momy he felt rejected and he took his furstration out on us. He even through his food at me during the fight. Stupid guy!... we still fight. And he still feels like he has the right to punish a child by beating. So annoying!!

WHAT....YOUR STILL ALLOWING HIM TO ABUSE THIS CHILD...let me rephrase that...YOUR STILL ABUSING THIS CHILD...yes you...because your allowing it to happen you are also an abuser...annoying..you call this annoying....hey I'm out of here..this is sick and wrong...does anyone else not see this....my God that's a baby being beat

Hey there is nothing one can do. Some ppl are like this they think spanking a child will discipline him. Am figuring out my way out. It hasnt been easy for me to see this. I am still figuring way out.

Here is one piece of cold, hard boiled information. You have to be married ten years to be eligible for the spousal social security benefit (which is worth half of whatever he will be collecting). Do not make the mistake of divorcing him just shy of that. Just separate. Time it so divorce takes effect the day after! It may seem a long way off, but when you reach your 60s and are looking at 30-40 more years of supporting yourself after a checkered work history of your own as you get back on your feet and raise your child, you will be glad to have that to help. Also, educate yourself about things like insurance now. You say he cuts your car insurance? Does that mean he takes the car you drive off the policy entirely? If he does, he can't drive it either, and he is required to remove the license plates. As long as the car is insured at all, you are covered -- I guess unless he tells the insurance company that you are not allowed to drive his car? I am not giving you legal advice here, just trying to show you that I think he is intimidating you without really knowing what he is talking about... Good luck and focus on educating and preparing yourself for a life of liberation!

I think the person who wrote "bit" my child actually meant "beat...." not that it's much better, but still...

You need a lot of therapy.

Therapy...this child needs a safe home with loving family..and the current parents need put to pasture.

If whatsbest's post is genuine then I think it's time for her to start taking some responsibility. I sense that whatsbest is here to convince herself that her behaviour is OK when it is not. Putting the blame on the babies father and clearing her own part in this is not acting in a responsible way to her child.

whatsbest, please stop playing the victim. If the babies father is a jerk, admit that this is not healthy for your child and you need to protect him from this. It is up to you.

hi ladies, i think i have to be honest with you i admit that i am terified to take action , cos i dont know what will happen to me and my son after we left him. i have been travelling with him from one country to another for the last 6 years cos of his job and i do not have a carrier that i can relly on. ma friends and familly r not supportive of me leaving him. they say its normal that some men are like that.but i dont find it normal. they even suggest me to get pregnant again so that i can be busy with myself and stop worrying too much. i am not happy at all. i do every thing for him: - wake up at 6 feed the familly , pack his lunch, do laundry ,,,,,, you name it. i do everything in the house. basically i am like his maid. he still gets upset with me for small things... like "i dont have a clean pair of sock today". he yells at me for everything and thinks everything is ma fault. never takes responsibility for what ever is happening b/n us. i also take care of his special diet cos he is pre diabetic now and he has to follow some diet plan. he shows no affection towards me . he comes home from work he doesnot even say how was your day. when i ask him he answers me after long wait. and keeps watching tv or playing with his phone. when ever there is tenssion b/n us , incase the baby gets fussy he starts hitting him untill he stops crying. so i always try to talk to him nicelly and cheer him up so that he doent hit the child. i am living a fake life. trust me i sometimes wish something would happen to me but i get scared for my son ..if i am not arround his life will be worse. i dont even have a friend to talk to. the only people around me are his friends and their wifes. and the ladies say i should talk to him and everything will be alright. i tried to talk with him he says nothing, he doesnt even respond properly it is paining. i ask him if he wants separation cos he doesnt seem happy too. we look on the same page but he says nothing." i am 28 and i have already fed up of life.

As I suggested, go see the Salvation Army people. They have women's refuges where you can stay and they will help you get on your feet. This guy is never going to appreciate you as long as you are happy to be his doormat, and is a horrible example of manhood for your son to follow.

Hitting the baby until he stops crying? What a great plan. He's an a$$hole and if you stay and let your son be treated like this you have a part in this abuse as well.

Better to be poor and on your own than living the life you are now.

This is incredible. If I had any idea how to track your ip address and then find your location, I would contact the authorities and have them intervene. I'd encourage them to arrest both you and your husband and to have your child adopted into a family where he will be safe. But I don't.

Might this be cultural? Some cultures believe that it's ok for a man to abuse his wife and children. Your speech indicates that you might be of a country/nationality where it is more accepted. Is that why nobody is helping you and many are telling you it's ok? How tragic.

You are writing here because you know it's not ok. Stop catering to this monster. Get away from him. As said above, you, too, are participating in the child abuse because you're allowing it.

Time (past time!!!) for you to be a responsible woman!

i spoke with him and told him my discission. he seems terified. tried to explain himself ..appologised and promissed it will never gappen again. but for me it is too late and i am not giving any more chances last time i gave him chances, he didnt take too long to repeat it again. done and dusted. weither he supports us or not we will servive any how. its about time for me to stop all this drama and start my own path. it might not be easy but it is possible. finally!!!

tnx all for the consern... by the way in more than half of the world this kinda things are happening and its like normal to try and discipple ur child by hitting. which i do not agree. and i see it everywhere. even on public places. i cant imagine what happens at home. ones i remember when i was a child our neighbour papper spray her son and loked him in a garage. cos she heard he was stilling and not attending school properly. we all have been bit or witnessed parrents bitting children and husband bitting a wife. even the most educated ppl do that ... its not that they r uninformed. everyone i know spanks , slaps , hits ,,, or beats. only the deegre is diffrent. some parents spank to teach them not to repeat the same mistake again. some bit the hell out of u cos they r angry at you. i am also a victim. so is my husband. everyone i know as a matter of fact. ones i remember one of my aunts beat the hell out of me and through some thing at me cos she thought i disrespected my other aunt. i was a tenager. my back was hurt and it needed some time to heal. so many stories like this around here. only my grandma and some of my aunts are being supportive this time. i am glad that i have their support.

Good on you! Stay strong- I feel sure your husband will keep begging you to come back and making promises that you already know he won't keep. Ignore him. Glad to hear your grandmother and some aunts are supportive, that will make it a little easier for you to get your life back on track and go on to have a better life with your little boy.

Don't be in any hurry to find a new man or you could end up with one as bad as the first or even worse. Strong, balanced women attract strong, balanced men, so get yourself in a good place before you even start to think about looking.

thank you dear @colleenoz

Hi everyone

I have a very similar story as tiredoffighting its a hard situation to be in but for me i have full custody of our grandaughter who is 7 years old and severley handicapped!! I dont know why i love him so damn much i keep asking myself over and over!!! I also feel trapped because i do need his help with our grandaughter. And i have had a hip replacement and a back surgery i have osteoprosis along with other bone/muscle diseases. I cant get a job because i have to care for the girl. Plus my medical problems its a catch 22 situation. Hes so mean to me he will not give me money for anything hes on porn sites live chat sites and now dating sites im so upset all ive done is loved him. I dont know what ive done or what im doing wrong or even if iam doing anything wrong for him to treat me so bad!!! Even if i ask him a question he sighs and answers like iam bothering him and hes so disgusted with me and he cant stand the sight of me it hurts so much!! And the fact he would rather watch porn or whatever he does on his phone. And pleasure himself than to have sex with me!! To me thats a real kick in the teeth!! I dont know if iam right or wrong but to me thats a form of cheating!!! He doesnt tell me he loves me or hugs me at all unless i hug him first or say i love you even when he does you can just tell its with all his effort to say i love you or to hug me its just an arm around my shoulder with no meaning behind it!! WHY THE HECK DO I LOVE THIS GUY DO MUCH!!!! Iam so scared to be alone to move outta my home to be lonley and i need his help with the luttle girl!! Iam so damn scared to make a step and for fear of regret!! Ive had so much loss in my life including my oldest son comitting suicide. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated thanks everyone have a great day sad me

"WHY THE HECK DO I LOVE THIS GUY [SO] MUCH!!!!"

That's an excellent question. Certainly he doesn't seem to have any lovable attributes, or do you any good.

"Iam so scared to be alone to move outta my home to be lonley"

There's your answer. If you really thought hard about it, you would realise that what you feel is not really love, but fear of the unknown.

The thing is, you're lonely already. It is totally possible to live with someone and be lonely when they're not giving you any positive attention and rejecting your advances. So, moving out would not change that for the worse, but it sure sounds like it would improve things for you a heck of a lot. And once you have your head together again, the only regret you would have is that you dind't do it sooner. Don't you think you deserve better than to be treated as insignificant by a creep?

Does he actually help you with your granddaughter? Or do you just think he does? In any case, it doesn't have to be _him_ that helps. Do you have any other family/friends?

5 years is not that long. I believe in order to have a happy married life, the two of you must work on it. In your case, I know its really hard for a woman to be treated like worthless but you must be strong for your baby and you must empower yourself since the only strength you have is yourself and your baby. I know, you can still save your family so you better talk to your husband and work things out before its too late.

What????? There is no such thing as working things out with a control freak. And when someone is treating you badly and your life is miserable, five years is an extremely long time.

What a load of crap, erlinda mendez. Do you think this poor woman has spent the past five years making no effort to "work things out"? If the other party is unwilling to work on a marriage, nothing one person does (short of leaving) will change anything. Five years is way too long to be treated as and feel worthless. She's given enough, time to go. It's been too late for a long time.

Your husband is a verbal and emotional abuser. Let's call it what it is. Things will only get worse after the baby is born. Babies can add a lot of stress, wonderful though they are, they cause sleepless nights and a lot of work and worry. Get out before the emotional abuse turns to physical abuse, as it often does.

I met my husband in in sept. 2006.We hit it off right away.Got married in sept.2009.Funny thing is he has been verbally abusive since after our first year together,until today.Earlier in our relationship,he compared me to my friends.There's a text that he sent me a few weeks into our marriage that stuck with me " look at your friend and see who a real woman is"He always make comments that suggest i'm not good enough or just plain stupid.We have 2 children together.He tells me he cannot deal with my emotions and always encourages me to find other people to talk to..I've a career that can support me financially. I'm scared to death of leaving,although i know that is the right thing to do..It's such a scary feeling to start over alone with my children. I love him so much but he makes me very unhappy.He says disrespectful things to be infront of my children.I feel helpless and stupid around him.We're contantly arguing.We lost a baby a few years ago at 35 weeks of pregnancy because i was so stressed out because of endless arguments . Someone please reach out to me .Guys be kind but honest.Thanks.

Honey, if I was your Mom, I’d say, “Come home and bring the kids with you.”

Do not stay with a man who treats you like crap, belittles you and stresses you to the point of miscarrying. You do not love this man, you love your ideal version of him, which you are never going to see.

You are not stupid. You know you need to leave him. Apart from anything else, your husband is teaching your children that abuse is normal. Protect them from that and get them out of that toxic environment.

Yes, it will be scary but it will also be exhilarating. No more belittling. Believe in yourself. You can do it, and you should do it as soon as you can.

You say you love him so much. WHY?!?!?!? He treats you like this and you love him? "I love him so much but he makes me very unhappy". Really - - - I suggest that you explore why you think you love a man that makes you unhappy, treats you poorly, and contributed to the death of your child. Please, please, please get help.

Perhaps you should start working again to be self reliant. Then maybe counseling will help.