Well, thanks loads to everyone. It has been a nice day. Nothing special, slept late went out to lunch and generally just goofed around. We had thought about a party, but frankly, I didn't want to be bothered. Advice to young couples? that's a big one. OK, here goes! To the men: Don't expect your woman to act just like all of the other women that you have known, especially your sisters or your mother. To the women: Don't expect your man to act just like all of the other men you have known, especially your brothers or your father. To both: NEVER expect the other to know what you are thinking. Or why you are angry, disappointed, unhappy, depressed. If you can't open your stupid mouth and say so, or if he/she gets his/her feelings hurt when you do, find someone else or grow up.

I'm quite sure my MIL hates me and given the chance, would hang me out to dry. That said, she's very nice to me (NOW, she hasn't always been), does her best to keep her nose in her own business (NOW), and is a wonderful grandmother to my kids. And, that said, she's a Greek lady from the old country (literally), so I half see where she's coming from much of the time. Dh and I started dating when we were very young, 18, and she did not like it at ALL. A, I'm not Greek, and B, I'm Jewish (meaning, not Greek Orthodox), and C, I'm American, so I had everything working against me. Love must have prevailed because dh somehow managed to cut the apron strings and we were married 5 years later - that was 14 years ago (we're now 37). There was a day and a time when she said every day that if he married me, she'd slit her wrists. No, I'm not kidding. These days though his siblings are much more dependent on her (both adults, both single, both living at home) and I think she knows that I'm not so bad anymore. She's also a wonderful Yia Yia to my kids although I'd never allow her to take them in her car and her babysitting scares the heck outta me (it's always a catastrophe whenever she does it). She also threatened to kidnap my son when he was a baby and take him to Greece (when we told her that we were moving 30 miles away from her) and in the back of my mind I know she's really actually capable of such a thing. Bottom line, she's a nutjob with good intentions. I've got stories you wouldn't believe. lol

Don't know if I can really tell you what to do--that's an individual choice. However, as someone who is the caregiver for 2 elderly people, there are a few comments I'd like to make here. When folks reach that age, their world becomes very small. It's not even truly selfishness--they don't realize that they aren't thinking about anyone else. From what I've seen of my friends and relatives, it's an almost universal problem that the older folks don't see anyone else's problems but their own (Monday, I got in, looked at the caller ID, saw my 83 year old aunt had called. Called her--said "Hello"; she said, "Where have you been, I called you 3 times"; me--"at the ER, I was really sick"; Her, "I want you to take me to the dr's tomorrow..." It didn't even register with her that I'd been in the hospital). You, your wife and your SIL need to realize that whatever MIL's condition is today--it's probably as good as it's ever going to be. Whatever her needs are now, they're going to become greater with time. Gradually, you will need to do more and more for her--and there's no way around that, unless you want to be cold, heartless and toss her out in the street. As regards to her staying in her home--at that age, people are really afraid of change. They don't want to leave their familiar surroundings, the ones where their memories reside. Sometimes that's not the best for them. It does seem that it's time for the family to consider what's best for mom. If she's living that far from everyone, who's keeping an eye on her health? who's going with her to her dr's appts? who's double-checking to see that she's handling her finances appropriately? Not saying it's time to move her into a nursing home down the street from you, but it might be getting near the time when you have to encourage her to move to a local senior apt (check into the waiting lists on those, though, they're often years long. Never hurts to get one's name on early, even if they're not yet ready to move in). One thing I've got a little question about--you say MIL won't drive far, for fear of getting lost? Has she always been this way? or is this something new? If it's a new wrinkle, then it's a huge red flag. Most older folks who are beginning to lose their abilities (through Alzhemer's or other types of dementia, or strokes, etc) cover that up. And any little admission they make like that is generally a tip-of-the-iceberg kind of thing. It means they've been having much greater problems, but that's all they'll admit to. If this were my mother or MIL, I'd be quite concerned and want to keep an eye on her--just to make sure things are okay. Look, I know this is annoying for you. But look at it this way. One day you're going to be old. You may not be living near your children. You will definitely want to see them at the holidays--and other times of the year. Just how would you feel if the kids told you you were just too much trouble for them? or if your SIL told you he wished you were dead (and even if it's not said out loud, make no mistake, MIL KNOWS how you feel). Sorry, while I can understand the family problem, and know there are many ways to solve it or compromise, I'm having a little problem with your "I almost wish she would die" attitude. That's lacks a bit of humanity, don't you think?

It's such a pity that so many women out there have to deal with crazy, unstable MILs. It makes me wonderDid they forget what it's like to become a married woman themselves and want to be accepted and respected by their own MILS? I just donÂt get it. How do they turn into these overbearing monsters? Let me begin by saying thank you to everyone who has posted a story here. They were very interesting to read and I am sorry to all of you who have had to deal with crazy MILs. I am however so empowered by you and think it is awesome that you have still, however difficult, not let it end your relationships and marriages. ItÂs the easiest thing to do  just throw your hands up and walk out  and sometimes you just want to do it so badly. However, it really proves a point when you decide that youÂre not going to let someone elseÂs ridiculousness ruin what you have with your partner. You really have to stand up for yourself and your own life. It would be a relief to walk out but it would be a definite pity to let people like that win! My own story is certainly not as serious as some of the ones that have been posted here, nor am I a married woman like many of you here are. However, I have had an experience with the mother of my boyfriend, with whom IÂve been together for almost two years now. WhatÂs sad is that yes, weÂre not even married yet, and sheÂs already gone and done it. Some women have been married for years and have never had to deal with anything too crazy from their MILs, and other get it before marriage is even in the picture. Oh splendid!! ;-) Anyhow, to get to the point, what happened is that I was arguing over the phone with my boyfriend this past summer and she overheard us arguing. She and I always got along fine  almost too well, really  but she definitely did butt into our business sometimes when she didnÂt really have a place. It was never anything really serious though. This time, however, her over-involvement really went too far. I was directly asking him why he hadnÂt worked in the past ten months. He was in school from January to May, so okay fine, but then clearly in the summer he had no excuse. I asked this because I was curious if there was something he wasnÂt telling me (thatÂs part of a longer story) and I just wanted to make sure I wasnÂt being fooled or something. I also asked this because his money or lack thereof would sometimes directly affect our relationship; we werenÂt always able to do everything we (and I) would have liked to because he didnÂt always have the dough! And at this point our relationship had turned long distance (I moved back home from college)! (So, it is partly my business, at least I definitely think it is!) So, his mother overheard what I was saying through her son openly reiterating it in the house and got all defensive because his reaction over the phone made it sound like I was being abrasive and putting him down (when he is, without a doubt, trying to better himself and was back in school finishing his degree). She wrote the following on a piece of paper and flagged at him, to say to me: "Tell her she hasnÂt lost ten lbs in the past ten months and that makes her hard to defend!" Long story short, I ended up finding out that she wrote this, with the intention of him to saying it to his own girlfriend. I was so shocked and hurt (and then just outright pissed!). I cried well into the next day about it. Never has anyone been so outrightly mean to me sinceÂI donÂt know...elementary school! I couldnÂt believe she would talk about me like that, and better yet, try to get him to talk to me like that (he is nothing like that at all  very sweet and loving and accepting of me the way I am  the good and the bad). It was also shocking because, like I previously mentioned, we always got along very well and if anything I had only heard her say nice things about me, especially about my physical appearance  that IÂm cute, how nice I looked in a dress, things like that. I always knew she had a bad temper and when angry let things fly out of her mouth, but I never knew she could be that bad and loose ALL sense. ItÂs one thing when you let things fly out of your mouth to your family  families can usually make amends and move on  but to your sonÂs girlfriend? Please. Even some of the stupidest people on earth know you donÂt say things like that to people, and this woman, believe it or not, is very far from stupid and scummy. SheÂs got three degrees (one of them a J.D.) and is a reverendÂs wife!!! You would never think you could hate this woman, but then watch her snapÂand you wonÂt believe how she acts. I guess thatÂs how it goes with her, sadly. It is now over five months later and I have still not received any kind of apology from her. My boyfriend has said that he has talked to her about the situation multiple times and she does intend to apologize but when the "time is right." (Supposedly she said that she does not think IÂm fat or anything like that and just said that because she knows itÂs something IÂm insecure about.) I just think that sheÂs a coward and doesnÂt know how to be an adult and do what should have been done months ago. ItÂs been so long now and I feel like sheÂs lost her chance. At this point, what is an apology even worth? I donÂt feel that it would be genuine. If she really cared, if she really regretted what she said and the damage she did, she would have cleared things up a loooong time ago. I truly believe that. I know that everyone else does not think the way I do, but I do know that if I were her I would want to make things right again asap, as embarrassing as it may be. No one likes to apologize but it is the right thing to do and I know that I couldnÂt feel right about myself again until I made those amends. She is 46 and I am 22. ShouldnÂt she know this far better than me?! The facts of the matter are: she had no place in that conversation to begin with (it was between my boyfriend and myself  she had nothing to do with anything we were talking about) and on top of that she took a low blow at me (better yet tried to advise her own SON to take the low blow at me) thinking that bringing up my weight and attacking me with that is fighting on an even playing field. Okay, IÂm not Einstein (and I donÂt have a J.D.), but since when is attacking someoneÂs physical appearance equal to asking a person why they havenÂt worked? Hm. Still trying to figure that one out! I also know that what she said wasnÂt the most AWFUL thing in the world and could have certainly be a lot worse. However, it was still intentionally mean, cheap, classless, not to mention absolutely unnecessary! I do not think that I should just let this blow over. You canÂt treat people like that just because you feel they are "attacking" someone you love and that you need to provide defense! I donÂt even know how I would react if she did try to apologize this late on, but I do know that as long as nothing at all is done IÂm definitely not going to back down. I'm definitely not going to disrespect myself after she did as well. The incentive to write this story actually came from another situation that just happened earlier this evening. My boyfriend was fighting with his parents and she, angry and impulsive, called me. (I didnÂt pick up at the time.) I found out afterwards from my bf that she was calling me so that I could hear the way he was yelling at them and then I donÂt know, maybe think twice about staying with him? Well first of all, I already know that side of him (it has been two years!) and know that when people get pissed they yell! I do it to him too! If we were hitting each other and verbally abusing each other, thatÂd be another story. Furthermore, why in the hell does she think itÂs okay to call me ESPECIALLY knowing our circumstances? If you canÂt use my number for good, then donÂt use it at all! I certainly donÂt need her calling me to start drama and try to what  have me leave him?? And even IF we were on good terms, who the hell does that?!! What place did I even have in that situation and why did she try to use it to cause problems between him and I too??? I donÂt want to think that she wants me to leave him so that she can be rid of me, because I donÂt think thatÂs true. But seriously, the woman needs to get a hold of herself and start being her actual age (46), not the sum of her age. Okay so I know that was a novel but itÂs something that I havenÂt written about since it happened, and I guess I just had a lot built up. Bless you and thank you a million if you have made it to the end! If I can get any kind of feedback or thoughts from anybody about any aspect of what I wrote, I would greatly appreciate it! This is not something that I let bother me too much, but it is something that I wish did not have to be so. Thank You! Nicole