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sexless marriage

Posted by colliecm (My Page) on
Mon, Sep 17, 07 at 1:58

I'M IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE, WE'VE ONLY BEEN MARRIED FOR LESS THAN 2 YRS. I'M BECOMING VERY FRUSTRATED WITH HIM. I DO LOVE MY HUSBAND BUT HE'S MAKING ME NOT LIKE HIM VERY MUCH
I'M 27 HE'S 28 WERE BOTH YOUNG. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE IT'S ME, BECAUSE I HAVE GAINED WEIGHT. I WAS ALWAYS A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT AS A CHILD THE LOWEST WEIGHT I'VE EVER BEEN IS 160LBS. WHICH IS THIN FOR ME. AFTER WE MOVED IN TOGETHER I GAINED ALL THE WEIGHT THAT I'D RECENTLY LOST, I ASKED HIM IF IT'S THE WEIGHT AND HE ASSURES ME THAT IT'S NOT. HE SAYS HE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO BE TOUCHED. IMAGINE HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL. HE'S NOT IN THE BEST SHAPE HIMSELF BUT I STILL FIND HIM VERY ATTRACTIVE AND STILL WANT TO BE WITH HIM. I CAN'T IMAGINE BEING WITHOUT HIM. ANYWAYS, HE TOLD ME THE OTHER DAY HE WAS WATCHING PORN!!?? WTF? HE SAID IT'S FUNNY????!! HE SAID HE WASN'T WATCHING FOR SEXUAL REASONS BUT HE THINKS SOME OF THEM ARE FUNNY. I FIND NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THE FACT THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN TOUCHED IN A MONTH IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM AND HE'S WATCHIG PORN. IT'S BECOMING A BATTLE AND I FEEL LIKE IF SEX HAS BECOME A CHORE FOR HIM THAT HE SHOULD LEAVE BUT HE WON'T HE SAYS HE LOVES ME AND WANTS TO BE WITH ME, IT'S NOT ME IT'S HIM. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK. YES, IT'S ONLY BEEN A MONTH BUT THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING I'M AFRAID IT WILL TURN INTO 2 AND SO FORTH. HE SAYS TO GIVE HIM A MONTH TO FIGURE IT OUT AND THEN HE'LL GO TO THE DR. MY HUSBAND IS ANTI-DOCTOR, HE AND I WERE HAVING MARRIAGE PROBLEMS @ THE BEGINNING OF THE YAER AND IT WAS SO BAD I HAD TO GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING BY MYSELF. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE MANY WILL WONDER, BUT IT'S TRUE. BACK TO THE WEIGHT THING YES I AM A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT BUT I'M NOT SLOPPY THERE IS NOT FAT ROLLS JUST HANGING, I DO NOT SMELL, I KEEP MYSELF CLEAN, MY HAIR IS ALWAYS KEPT NICE, I GET A PEDICURE EVERY 2 WEEKS, I CONSIDER MYSELF ATTRACTIVE. HE KNEW WHEN HE MET ME THAT I AM THE WAY I AM. I TOLD HIM HE CAN LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT. I ACCEPT HIM JUST THE WAY HE IS. BALDING, CHUBBY, SOMETIMES LAZY, AVERAGE. I'M JUST FEELING LIKE I'M AT MY WITS END I'M SO FRUSTRATED AND SAD. I THINK IT MAKES ME MORE SAD THAN MAD, KNOWING THAT THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON AND WON'T JUST COME OUT AND TELL ME WHATS WRONG. SOMEONE PLEASE OFFER GOOD ADVICE. THANKS


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: sexless marriage

"HE SAYS TO GIVE HIM A MONTH TO FIGURE IT OUT AND THEN HE'LL GO TO THE DR."

If your DH said this to you, then let him go off to the doctor. At least that is a step in the right direction.

I can understand your frustration with your DH, as there seems to be a communication problem going on.

If you have already been to marriage counselling, how about you go again ?

Perhaps you could organise some time together, where you are both getting some exercise. A long walk, a picnic.

Exercise would make you both happy and calm and perhaps able to get to the bottom of the problem.

All the best to you.

POPI


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RE: sexless marriage

If he told you he doesn't like to be touched, I'd tend to believe him. That said, there's certainly more to the story because under normal circumstances, sex is well worth the discomfort of touching.

Does he have difficulties with small talk in social situations?
Does he push you away emotionally as well as physically?
Does he belittle you or is he verbally abusive?
Do you have any reason to believe he is gay?
Some people are asexual -- Was he stimulated at all by the porn? Or just amused?


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RE: sexless marriage

Some men are NOT turned on by a fat woman. They are the 'visual' sex. Lose weight and put on makeup and comb your hair. Smile.


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RE: sexless marriage

colliecm, I've found it helpful to bear in mind that there are obnoxious people & vicious people everywhere, even in cyberspace.

It's been about 2.5 weeks since your original post;
how're things going?


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RE: sexless marriage

I don't want to seem unkind, just being realistic. If you have gained a lot of weight that could be the problem and I don't think he would tell you if it was. He wouldn't want to hurt you. Would he have dated you if you had weighed as much as you do now. My neighbor wants to meet someone so bad, but she has to weigh 275 to 300lbs and she is never going to get a date. She is beautiful, kind, worlds of fun, every where we go people open their arms to her for a big bear hug. But no man is going to know that because he can't get past the picture she makes when he looks at her. He is not going to introduce her to his friends. She had an old friend who she had dated until he moved away. He flew in to see her a while back and he was shocked. He even mentioned her weight gain. He bought her a gift, went home and she has never heard from him again. It's not fair, but it is reality.


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