Husband Has Rage Issues- Should I Leave?
RedRiderRS
11 years ago
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scarlett2001
11 years agoRedRiderRS
11 years agoRelated Discussions
Obsessed husband has ZERO time for family
Comments (23)"You guys have no idea how bad this hurts. I just wish I could explain it all and understand it all" I think I understand pretty well since I was in a similar situation for 8 years. 8 years that I was afraid to leave because I was afraid to be on my own and because I thought each and every time that he reverted to the "wonderful man mode" that he would stay there. Ha! No way, in fact the bad times got longer and more often, I was wife #3 of 4 and we all divorced him for the same reason, emotional abuse. For a long time it was hard for me to believe it was a form of abuse because it was not physical. All I know is, he made me hurt inside my heart, and that felt pretty danged bad. I called and cried on my family's shoulder until they were sick of hearing it. Once he hit me with a screwdriver he'd thrown at me and I had the police come so I could pack suitcases and get myself and my kids out of the house. We went to my dad's and the first thing he asked was "when can you leave?" I don't think that was very nice of my dad. I went through lots of times like this, leaving and going back. Mostly I'd leave for the weekend hoping he'd miss me and beg for me to come back. Sometimes he did and we'd be happy for a week or two then it would happen all over again. He would just out of the blue not talk to me for 1-2 weeks, not stay in the same room with me, drop me off at home after work then go out for dinner by himself, throw plates of dinner I had made into the trash (plate and all) break things, and throw things at me (screwdrivers, beer bottles, keys, rocks all come to mind) just out of the blue without giving me a reason. If I asked why he'd say something like "I knew it was all over for us when you didn't put my dinner on my plate" or "If you don't know then you're stupid." He was really hateful toward me. We went to three marriage counsellors before I finally realized he was not going to change. I used to save up money out of the grocery money so I could afford to leave, but then he'd be good for a few weeks and I'd spend it on something, then the cycle would repeat. I had to get a job at minimum wage and use my experience there to get another job a few years later with more pay, then finally received a bonus which was just enough to put a deposit on a little apartment for me and my kids. What surprised me was how much better I was on my own than I thought I'd be! It was hard being alone at first and I was depressed, but I think just because things were different, not bad. Sure was nice to have control of my own money and my own life. In fact, when I remarried years later I asked that we keep individual bank accounts. When we retire that may change but we never argue over money. I wish I had not wasted those 8 years, but what we go through makes us what we are. Fast forward 17 years I have been married for 9 years to a normal man and sometimes it's been difficult knowing how to react to normal situations. We each have hobbies we enjoy on our own, and sometimes I still have to ask him to reassure me it's okay for me to go off and do XX without him. Funny, sometimes normal does not feel normal. But mostly, life is really good. My opinion is that you are being abused and you should run like the wind. I also agree that you should not tip him off to your plans because things are likely to get very ugly. He is holding you hostage. Is he perhaps getting you a phone that he can have access to your calling records? Be careful. I wish you the best....See MoreHusband has decided on a bedroom set. I am iffy- wdyt? (pics!)
Comments (23)I think the bed is beautiful eitehr way and don't think it's the bed itself, but the size your hubby wants, king, that might be the problem your having with it. If that's so you might try explaining to him that you'll have less than three feet on either side of a king size bed. Loosing just short of ten square feet of space when you replace your queen bed with a king bed can make a big difference. Not knowing the exact placement of your windows or any of the doors I didn't add them to the floor plan, but here's an example of floor space with both the queen (in red) and king beds centered on the window wall. Of course this is assuming the walls with the windows in thirteen feet wide. I visually measured that wall assuming your current bed is a queen. I hope this info and drawing helps you both decide what would work best for your room. Oh and if one of you is a bed hog the extra space may be just what you need....See MoreMy husband hates my kids...should I leave him
Comments (32)Iam going though the same thing. He complains about everything my daughters do. My 2 daughters 20 and 30 and my 7 Grandbaby. He does not talk to them for days. Every night when we go to bed he starts to bitch about them from they eat all the food, they r lazy and wht doesn’t my oldest get child support I tell him that is her business not ours. Well a couple week ago he told them to start paying rent 300.00 a each. They only make 9.00 my 20 pays To own car payment insurance and credit cards, my 30 old pays her bills and the day care bill of 400 a month. I told him they can’t afford that he don’t care and if they don’t like it they move out. He get mad if I buy anything for them. He says u always get defensive I tell I don’t I just don’t know why u treat them like that. They don’t disrespect you. In the other hand they stay in there rooms to not bother you. If they come to talk to me he starts asking wht do they want. He like making fun of my granddaughter( calling a cry baby) and my 20 (making fun of her weight)I tell him to stop and plays it off like I am kidding. Well two weeks ago my daughter told me she can afford the 300 she said I can afford 150. I thought buy telling her to go speak to her step dad he would listen and respect that she came to him and. It to me. I was listening to her explain the situation well he said that’s not my problem and just kept repeating it. Well she started crying and she told him. Why do u treat us like dirt. W you hve never like us and I hate the way u treat mom. Yes she did get load then I stepped in. He lost it and told to pack her stuff and get out. Then told me it’s them or me in front of her. She apologized to me saying she does not what to ruin my marriage. Well my girls r moving out at the end of the month but that is still not good enough. Now he is saying I don’t want them to come over. I was really. Now my son came to visit and he is telling me he is not staying here. I told him he is staying this week to help her sister with daycare. He was who gave him permission I was what. It turn into a huge fight. He said they do what ever they want to do. Mind me he has not spoken one work to him cause he is still mad at my youngest for the fight they had. He told if u don’t tell him to leave buy Sunday Iam going to. I was wtf. Those r my kids and this is my house. He said again Iam tried we should separate i was like look if that’s why u want go ahead. I know u hate my kids. He stayed quite and goes into the room and sulks. Iam i wrong for defending my kids. They have never disrespected him. Iam so over this fight with him....See MoreHusband expects me to leave my money to all kids equally.
Comments (30)Hi everyone. This is the original Dalda nearly 7 years later. Amazing things happen when you have an excellent lawyer who puts things in motion and types up divorce papers under 48 hours. I was finally able to get a divorce. I sent my stepbrother, his wife and nibling on a 6 months full paid vacation. He's too busy, so he took one month off each year to visit each continent except the two poles. LoL. I have set up a educational trust fund for nibling. So nibling can study whatever and wherever nibling wants. Stepbrother is extremely well off on his own, and did not want or need it. But he took care of my lovely mother and wonderful stepfather for years. My stepfathers best friend was my lawyer, stepfather was the man who got down on one knee at 60 years to me and my sister and asked our consent to become family. He knew everything about the inheritance even about the extra millions and kept mumm and guided me, mentored me. Bless him. As for my divorce, ex-H contested it, it dragged on for 8 months, he had a grandchild. Without him being in contact with me or dear daughter for 4 months, we were invited to the birth of the child via a call and text. I promptly congratulated and sent a gift. Then continuously for 2 months me and daughter were bombarded with a few hundred photos of the child. Daughter was completely abandoned by him, distraught and blocked him on all media. Step kids did not remove their possessions even after written notice, I had to pack all their stuff and delivered it to their respective residents via courier service. With proof of delivery and acceptance. I must mention here that ex-h in the end was physically abusive to me. For years I was told I'm too dumb to do a PhD, I wouldn't be able to cope with the family and studies and work. I did not know that he had been funneling money from my account to his for 16 years. He was mentally abusive, which I didn't understand then. But during my daughters therapy sessions I broke down and discussed myself with the therapist and they pointed out exactly how I was being manipulated and brainwashed for 16 years into being under his thumb. They sued me for financial support, mental torture abuse, they WANTED 1 million of the 2 my parents left me, my family heirlooms, access to my house and lost spectacularly. I must write one line from the judges verdict, it went somewhat like this, it seems unfortunate that Mr. X and two of your children have been consumed by greed. You have failed to show one valid reason why you should be granted one cent. As for Mr. X, you should be ashamed as you have forgotten that you have another 15 year old daughter. Daughter and I faced a lot of vile words, threats from ex. He went to her school and tried to force her to sign papers. Tried to make her understand how and why she should share her good windfall. On my 40th birthday, I had a call and had to urgently visit my father's lawyer, telling a shocked and crying me that Instead of 2 million, my inheritance came up to 18 million in total. As my father bless him, left everything he had to me and my sister a few years later, which unknown to us was left to us to be given when we reach 40. I heard from ex-in laws that they flipped. In anger stepdaughter screamed, and broke stuff, ex ranted for days how he should have just sucked up and left his adult kids be, his life would be so much better. Ex got married twice. Him and his son sued me again, and lost, Spectacularly again. At 16 daughter won a full scholarship (she has mama's brains) and went on to an ivy league college with 4 GPA. She's 20 and blooming. With my consent she has set up a trust fund for anonymous merit scholarships for underprivileged students, we also support a local women's shelter for abused women and children. I rented out my house, which was too huge for only two people and moved to a town near her college, was a able to get a much better job in my field, which I did not know I was capable of, went on to do my PhD and Post Doctorate on full merit scholarship, I'm still doing it, it is extremely hard work. And two years later of my divorce I met a wonderful man through my work, my daughter and his daughter. Yes, it's weird. We took it slow, we have been married for two years now. Smooth sailing so far. We both have similar experience with exs and near same financial backgrounds, education. I must mention my amazing stepdaughter gave near same amount to the scholarship fund for underprivileged children from her own business. She has been a positive influence on daughter and guide her like my brother did me and my sister, like a protective wing. We agreed on an airtight prenup. Life is and can be bliss if you have the guts to leave your abusive and greedy mooching partner....See Moremkroopy
11 years agoRedRiderRS
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