married 1-1/2 yrs- going crazy!!!!

16 years ago

I married my hubby dec 3rd 2005 after we dated for one and a half yrs. I said yes to marriage mainly because i thought i liked him well enough and he was great with my three yr old daughter who was 2 when we met. I think I may have married for all the wrong reasons. and to top it off he has no sex drive, we have had sex like less than ten times sine we got married and even less before. something i knew going into it, so can only blame myself for that. he will help me out in that department so i know he is attracted to me, but i cant do anything for him. he needs to see a doctor. anyways this isnt why im writing. lately i find my self sitting here looking around asking myself how did i end up here? i keep remembering what it was like for me years ago and how free it was to be single and happy. also i had this one bf i still have lingering thoughts for, and my hubby knows about it, and i saw him in january and cheated on my hubby with him, my hubby knows and still sticks around. he claims to love me, but most of the time i am just annoyed by him. i know i must sound like a witch, but i am not sure what to do, i'd rather leave now instead of putting him through years of misery. also i want another baby which i dont think he can give me.

please any suggestions. comments. etc...

thanks

Comments (4)

halfdecaf
16 years ago
Well, okay, I'll go first...

It sounds to me - from the way you've told it above - that perhaps you didn't think this through thoroughly before you decided to get married. I hope that, at the very least, this experience is helping you understand what kinds of questions and issues need to be considered before making a lifelong commitment to someone. I don't get the sense from your words that you had any kind of premarital counseling - in retrospect, it probably would have been very helpful. But that's neither here nor there at this point.

I would like to suggest that - regardless of whether you stay with this man or decide to divorce him - you do some deep thinking about what marriage is. When a person stands with another in their wedding ceremony, he/she makes a vow...a commitment and a promise that is meant to be lifelong. Those words are arguably the most important promise one person can make to another and they should not be taken lightly. You broke that promise to your first husband when you cheated on him. And it sounds like you're heading down the road of breaking that promise to your current husband (should you decide to leave him). I don't think you're a "witch," but it sounds to me as though you've got a bit to learn about what the marriage commitment entails.

One other thought - you may not intend this, but your last sentence makes it sound like you are looking at the person you marry with very utilitarian eyes - as a sperm donor, if you will. Bringing a child into this world is not about acquiring something you want for yourself. Good parents realize early on that having a child is much much more about giving of yourself than about getting for yourself. I encourage you to ask yourself: "What am I teaching my child(ren) about marriage and relationships by the way I'm living my own life?" A hard question, but if you are intent on setting in motion the process to create a new little life in this world, it's one that really needs to be examined.

Best of luck to you.
asolo
16 years ago
"....what it was like for me years ago and how free it was to be single and happy."

Maybe better for all if you stayed that way. But, of course, you want babies.

Due respect, but from your description you sure don't sound like marriage material to me. You're blowin' with the breeze. Have no idea where your husband's coming from after all you've shown him.
Related Discussions
Mix for tree seedlings that will be planted out in 1-2 yrs?
Q
Comments (1)
You'll be just fine. In a couple of years, the organic fraction of the soil in the root mass will have decomposed & native soil will have filtered in to take its place. Go ahead and spoil them all you want. Trees that have been spoiled (allowed to grow at close to their genetic potential, unstressed and in good vitality), are far better transplant candidates than trees that have been poorly grown. Do yourself (and your trees) a favor & be sure to either repot each year or pot up before the root/soil mass becomes congested enough that it remains intact when you lift the plant from its pot. Al
...See More
4 1/2 yr old wetting herself
Q
Comments (0)
My little girl is so bright and knows how to use the bathroom, but for some reason is always wetting herself. It happens at home and at school. She doesnt even mind it, and will lie to your face when you ask her if she has, even when you smell it. I have tested her for bladder infection and diabetes. nothing. she would rather keep playing her toys than get up and go. i cant keep enough underwear to satisfy her. she will use the bathroom as well, and does even get up in the nite go. so she knows how. is she just lazy? i dont know what to do. i dont want to put her back in pullups, but should i to embarass her at school? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...See More
I dread it when we have our 2 1/2 yr old stepson
Q
Comments (6)
I have to say that I am very sad to hear that your husband not only condones this behavior, but then badmouths you to a 2 1/2 year old! My ss was a little younger than this when I entered the picture and he ALWAYS got his way with daddy. But he was never one to hurt others, just throw temper tantrums. My husband fed into this behavior and gave ss whatever he wanted. I took it for a while and finally one day I just looked at my huband and told him that my ss needed to be introduced to time-out. My ss would not stay in time-out at first, but eventually he caught on. My husband still puts up with a lot more from ss than I do (now he is 5 and he will still tell his dad he doesn't want to put his own shoes on and then throw himself on the ground and cry). He tried that with me a few times and I picked him and his shoes up and carried him to the car and buckled him up shoeless. When we got wherever we were going everyone else got out of the car and my ss had no choice but to put his shoes on. (luckily he did not know that I would never leave him alone in a car!) Now my other skids and biokid all tell my husband how my ss listens to me perfectly and does not cry for me or throw temper tantrums! So, my husband has been giving more discipline and my ss is slowly improving for his dad. My suggestion, talk to your hubby about this behavior and how dangerous it can be once your new baby is here. Do you want a 2 1/2 year old who hurts everyone else hurting a newborn? Also tell him how much it hurts you when he calls you a witch for demanding respect from a child. Children need discipline, and at his age he will continue to see just how far he can go---which seems like it may be way too far! Good luck!
...See More
2 1/2" vs 2 1/4" Oak Flooring Dilemma!
Q
Comments (8)
I have in the past, had this flooring made. Here is a breakdown of cost. 1"x4" red oak = $1.77 per board foot. Example a 10'x10' room requires 120"/2-1/2"= 48 boards. 48 boards @ 10' long = 480 board feet x $1.77 = $849.60. Next, 480 board feet milled into flooring costs $1.75 per foot = $840.00. Total material cost = $1689.6. This does make the square foot cost $16.89. This is allot higher then the typical $3.00-$5.00 per square foot cost, but some people are willing for the purpose of matching flooring precisely.
...See More
colliecm
16 years ago
GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE A PACT THAT IF ONE FEELS THEY HAVE TO CHEAT THEN IT'S BETTER TO JUST LEAVE. NOT BEING RUDE, BUT IMAGINE THE FEELING OF KNOWING THE PERSON YOU COMMITTED YOUR LIFE TO WAS WITH SOMEONE ELSE. SOMETIMES I THINK OF LEAVING MINE WHEN THINGS ARE GOING ROUGH BUT I TOOK A VOW FOR BETTER OR WORSE AND I FEEL YOUR PAIN ABOUT THE SEX DRIVE IT'S HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW AND WE'VE BEEN MARRIED LESS THAN 2 YEARS. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I TOO MARRIED FOR THE WRONG REASONS, I WAS A SINGLE MOTHER, LONELY, AND DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE ONLY ONE OF MY FRIENDS WHO WASN'T MARRIED,BUT I TRULY LOVE MY HUSBAND. I THINK IT'S BETTER TO GET OUT NOW, RATHER THAN GO ON LIKE YOU ARE. IF YOU WANT MORE KIDS THEN I THINK YOU HAVE TO GET YOURSELF TOGETHER FIRST. FIRSTHAND EXPERIENCE-HAVING A BABY WHEN YOUR UNSURE WILL ONLY MAKE MATTERS WORSE. TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK
scarlett2001
16 years ago
Please, Colliecm. don't print all caps - it's like shouting, and hard to read. Maybe your Caps Lock got stuck?

I just want to point out that "the grass is always greener on the other side." Single life looks pretty good to me right now too, but when I was single, I thought married life would be an improvement.

As for marriage being a lifetime committment - well, it "should" be but 52% of us know it isn't, always. Now if the OP isn't getting any sexual satisfaction, and that is an important part of marriage to her, and if that condition cannot be remedied - then I think the honorable thing to do is pull up stakes, because otherwise, the ol' itch wants to be scratched and it WILL be scratched, with resulting guilt, blame and sadness all around. But try to see if you can't resusitate the guy. Maybe he can be fixed and if not, you walk away knowing you did your best.

married 1-1/2 yrs- going crazy!!!!

Comments (4)

halfdecaf

asolo

Related Discussions

colliecm

scarlett2001

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US