My no BS suggestion. Either the problem can be fixed or it can't, but you don't yet know what it is. He may be a homosexual, in which case you can't fix it. Or, he may have a sexual interest that he is too embarrassed to tell you about. Figure it out -- you need to snoop on his computer or into his stash of porn and find out what it is that gets his motor going. It may be something you can use. It is still fantasy, and your reality can push it aside. Given his sweet personality, I would guess that his proclivities are on the submissive side, but he does not have the guts to come out to you. There are lots of ways a woman can tap into that without degrading yourself (just sift on the web past the degrading over the top male fantasy stuff, and find folks who have wrestled with your issue in a real relationship). If he is sincere, the first thing he needs to do is stop self-pleasuring. Within a few days you will look pretty good to him, but if he is getting his release apart from you that will completely dampen his ardor. This could well be a porn addiction case. Take away his computer privileges. Figure out if he is paying for porn sites. Be aggressive - you have a right to be mad, but you can save your marriage if it is saveable. Even if you figure out that his tastes are something you cannot abide, that will make it easier to move out. There are plenty of men that would love to love you, and in your 50s the quality of the men might be better even where their sexual prowess is less than 25 years before.

Hmmmm....I love being single and fully enjoy being "captain of the ship". Not that I wouldn't enjoy spending time with a compatible man, or having someone around to clean the gutters once in awhile, however my happiness is not contingent on this. The worst thing for me about being single is being misunderstood and subjected to other people's ignorant misconceptions about singlehood! For example, most people assume that because I am middle-aged, single, and never married "there must be something wrong with me". Perhaps I am too independent, but basically, I've never met Mr. Right and wasn't willing to compromise (and there have been many suitors). On more than one occasion, married women have assumed that because I'm single I am interested in poaching their husbands. Wow, the LAST man on earth I would be interested in is a married man, especially your pot-bellied, boring husband. What's more, do you know how many married or attached men have solicited me? Despite the fact that I do not give them the slightest encouragement nor do they get a toe in the door. Being single and alone, having the luxury to explore your own inner psyche, control your own destiny, and follow your own spiritual path unfettered - it is grossly under-rated.

Ok...I don't have teenagers (yet!) and after reading this I might lock them in closets between 13 & 18 (just kidding *LOL*) but truthfully. I've worked with teenagers and agree that some of this is just where they are emotionally (if you remember - it was an awkward time!), some of this is his issues with his parenting (mom leaving, dad making little to no effort), part of this is his testing your love for him. (Ever read the children's book "mama do you love me?" it is all about that test of love for children.) But part of me thinks that you have allowed a level of disrespect from him in the past 4 years and still given him things that please him. Children have the ability to change their behavior parent-according. Like Alstep's SK knowing that dad is a marine who would never tolerate such behavior. I'm strict so my SS(s) pull less with me than with other parental figures (BM, Grandparents...etc.) It is hard to correct behavior that probably should have been nipped in the bud years ago but I would still try. I agree with all the previous posts in that aspect. He is not a lost cause. Most importantly, however, is exactly what others have said. Your DH needs to step up and instead of thinking "this is magically going to change when SS leaves" you need to be thinking "this needs to change now." This is not going to sound very nice but DH's "let you deal it" attitude is a form of disrespect as well. After all - this is HIS biological child - it is MORE his problem than yours (that is not to say that you didn't sign-on as a mom when you married a full custodial parent but I really feel like DH was burnt out on being a dad so when you came into the picture he used you as his vacation from parenting.) I've seen this behavior before. Knowing that you will step up and do what needs to be done has taken a weight off of him (and unjustly put it on you!) And you have allowed it (while secretly brewing resentment and frustration for the past 4 years since you unknowingly volunteered to be a single parent in a marriage.) You need to talk to DH and let him know that parenting needs to be a SHARED adventure (which is sometimes a shared headache!) You may see better results with a counselor because things that are "objective" coming from a third party are "personal" coming from your spouse. Although you have put all of this stress and frustration on your SS ("I hate him"), it is not REALLY about him or his behaviors. It is about the fact that you feel alone in a no-win situation and would like a little help from the other parent in your home. You, and every parent on the planet (biological, step or adoptive) needs respite! Respite can come in the form of what I call "daddy duty" when I just NEED to sleep in, be alone in a store, or have a "girls night out" (we've obviously got littler ones.) It is joint-parenting. I'm very fortunate that my DH and I agree on discipline and that he is very intuitive to my needs. He seems to know when I'm being pushed to the brink and he steps up to relieve me saying "I've got it this time". You are lucky that you are married (I don't know how single parents do it!) You need to UNITE with your spouse and decide how you are going to handle this situation TOGETHER. It is not fair that you probably feel like a single mom who never even gave birth. (My DH is great but I've felt that way myself. Luckily, when I voiced it, he was receptive to it but he wasn't always as instinctive as he is now!) You MAY be frustrated with your SS's behavior but he is NOT the center of this problem. And won't it suck when he leaves in three years and the problem doesn't go with him! Has dad ever given him just dad-son time? It seems to me that this boy is crying out to be acknowledged by his father. He is becoming a man and wants to know how. Your DH needs to show you more respect by stepping up to his responsibilities as an example to his son. If Dad doesn't take on responsibility and doesn't show you respect, why should he? SS could also be anticipating the destruction of a marriage here (he doesn't need to know that you don't make love to know something isn't right!) Maybe your DH could discuss having a weekend fishing trip (or something) with just he and SS but that SS has to earn it by following the rules, doing his homework, and being respectful. There HAS to be something that SS does "care" about. Has DH ever sat down and talked to SS about what he is so down about? Can you level with him at all?

I recall some friends having a similar celebration, since they were married in a civil ceremony & the bride's parents had been out of the country @ the time, so they put on a big party a month or so later. It was very much like a wedding reception, but since it was not on the same day, I assumed that's why they did not call it that. I just posted this on the other thread by arcy: As I understand wedding etiquette, nobody is ever obligated to provide a wedding gift. A nice card conveying good wishes is perfectly acceptable. Are they registered anywhere? Many couples put a lot of effort into a registry & the obviously easy (& respectful to the couple) thing to do is check the registry for an affordable choice. We just attended the wedding & reception of our neighbors yesterday & their registry included a number of lower priced gift cards & other items($25 & under), along with more expensive selections, so it covered many budgets. After all, any gift - no matter whether it's large & impressive or modest - is supposed to be gratefully & graciously accepted, not judged or criticised. Here's a good list of wedding gift advice from a trusted source: http://emilypost.com/advice/choosing-a-wedding-gift/