Maybe 4 years ago DH started losing interest too. He says he doesn't know why, maybe prescription drugs he's taking, low testosterone (I think he was actually tested), fatigue, whatever. We both work and have long commutes so it's a long day. So between the two of us sex has been literally non-existent for two years now, and the two years before that was maybe once every 6 months.

I've always been happy that he wasn't the kind of guy that was bugging me for sex all the time, but now that it's stopped altogether it's a different story. I miss the closeness I felt afterwards. DH doesn't show a lot of physical affection. We kiss good morning, good night, hello, just a quick peck, and that's it. We have recliners in the living room so there's no cuddling there, but sometimes we do hold hands for a few minutes while watching TV. Mostly I don't watch much TV though. He enjoys sitting around watching TV, playing video games, or puttering around the yard. I mostly go horseback riding with my girlfriends on weekends and have a camping trip or two during the summer with my kids. DH doesn't like camping much although he has gone with me a couple of times. We do travel together and both enjoy it, but that's a once or twice a year vacation. I think I can speak for both of us when I say we enjoy having the freedom to do things we want to do on our own but it's not that we don't want the other there, just different interests. We don't have the kind of marriage where we control each other but there's a lot of trust between us. We don't mess around on each other. We've both been through all that bulls**t in our prior marriages and don't want any part of it now. We rarely argue and have the same views on a lot of important issues like money.

So what's my complaint? Not much. Just wondering if this is normal. There are times when I think about sex a lot and wonder if there's something wrong with me that he doesn't like anymore. Wonder if he even loves me anymore because all our lives we're told all men think about is sex. Then I realize I'm just having a bit of a pity party because I'm tired or having a depressive episode. But realistically, since we do so much apart already (well, I do while he sits at home) I get this feeling we could easily drift apart. It's not like either of us wants to go anywhere else, but what is keeping us together besides convenience? Maybe that's a shallow remark as I do love the hell outa him and he is like my best friend in the whole world. Thing is, I want my husband to be more than my best friend.

As I have never been once to initiate sex much on my own I get nervous at the thought of initiating something so I just don't do it. But I'm pretty sure that's what I need to do. I bet we'd both like it!

Kalahari

If my woman never came on to me, I'd lose interest too. Might try turning the table a few times and see what happens.

What did you do during courtship? Square that and act. (Or maybe cube it!)

What have you tried? Do you want sex? Do you like the idea of it? Do you like the idea of it with him? Have you discussed your meds with your Dr?

Have DH's doctor give him some viagra samples. Pop one, wait an hour, and he'll last as long as he wants.

You can actually have some fun with this if you're willing and want it.

I'm just afraid that if there isn't any intimacy in our relationship there will be no need for the relationship anymore. Last night I tried snuggling up with him and that was going well until he remembered something he had to get up and do. I ended up crying myself to sleep after he'd gone to sleep. I bet our versions of this event are totally different. His is, "I just remembered blah, blah, blah". My version would be that he found an excuse to get away from me.

I think my emotions are also out of whack this week because I'm depressed over having to put down a pet last week. Logically, I know this has sent me into a slight depression, but emotionally I am on edge and just have to keep my mouth shut until it passes.

Why don't you just tell your DH you need some extra snuggles this week because you are so sad? This might even
help open the door to more intimacy between you two. Anyway
hugs & snuggles are always good even when there is no sex involved.

I know what you mean about the depression=no sex drive.

Anyway, it seems like you want to open the door here and become more intimate wth your DH, I think you should give it a go since otherwise your relationship is so good :0)

~Cat

DH's mom told me that his dad wasn't very romantic either. Romantic isn't the right word. Emotional maybe. He does a lot for me, I shouldn't complain. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, brings home flowers on special occasions, opens the gate and turns on the barn lights for me if I'm coming home late with horses (it was his horse I had to put down :-( but to him she was "livestock".) So why do I feel like something's missing? We have a "date" this Sunday for his birthday and I am looking forward to that! Maybe I shouldn't be stressing on the sex thing so much and concentrate on spending other time with.
Kal

I've been married 26 years. The sex went down hill fast. Now it's nonexistent. But we are both at fault -- I know that -- and neither one of us knows how to fix it. We can't even talk about it; we don't know where to start. We're best friends and love each other. I blame it on my husband's unaffectionate upbringing.

Sometimes I'm so unhappy. But I just don't know what to do. I could never leave him -- plus I know at 50 it's not like I'd suddenly find some great guy out there. It doesn't help that I am very financially dependent on him, having stayed home with our kids. I work FT now, but let's just say it's not a job that would support me in any manner I'm accustomed to.

It's pitiful really. Sometimes I can't figure out what I did to deserve living without even so much as a hug.

:(

Yesterday DH and I spent some time together and he told me he finally realized the reason he plays video games all the time is because he's depressed. Tell me something I don't know! When he plays the games he doesn't have to think about anything else. His 18 yr old daughter is causing all sorts of problems and into drugs, etc. so he has good reason to be depressed. Before this, he was depressed about his job, now he has a better job but there are the daughter issues. He hasn't been doing anything more than what he has to do to get through the day. He used to like gardening, now he stays indoors. He hates getting up in the morning. All symptoms of depression. Somehow I don't think a confrontation from me about anything will be helpful at the moment. We need to discuss treatment for his depression.
Kal

You more or less have answered your own questions.

You just need to act on it all.

You mention your depression,his depression.

If he was a "girlfriend" you'd share that with her in a heartbeat,wouldnt you?

Well,share with him...get onto your bed together,turn out the lites,its' easier to express yourself if you's cannot see each others faces,and TALK

Then,once things start rolling,if it is meant to happen,"nature" will take its course.

"...It's easier to take care of things myself, and now I know he does the same..."

So you both still want it and both still get it, but not from each other. Sounds like you need to do a little swap! Have you considered taking care of the other one without intercourse?

It sounds like you love one another, you've just gotten into a rut and this is just little bump in the road of a very nice marriage. Best of luck.

I realize all of you have made suggestions and I am making excuses. I guess this has become my venting place for my frustration because I am afraid to talk to any of my girlfriends about it.