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Married/deny

Posted by rabbit8 (My Page) on
Tue, Aug 9, 05 at 12:53

I recently married 6 years ago and my husband was in the military. His first wife died 7 years ago. I asked him why I don't a military card and he said I'm not suppose to. Everyone I asked say I'm suppose to have one. He don't won't be check on his military records. Any one know what steps I can take to get the right answers.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Married/deny

Hi Rabbit - Would you mind re-reading your post and clarifying a bit and fixing some typos? That might help us to offer you some suggestions.

When you got married 6 years ago (recently?) your husband was in the military -- is he STILL in the military? What branch?

You say that his first wife died 7 years ago and you married him 6 years ago. How long did you know him? Did you know his first wife?

Also - when you say "He don't won't be check on his military records", I'm sure that's a typo. Do you mean that he won't let you check on his records? What would you be looking for? Are you looking for verification that he was or is in the military?

Sorry for so many questions, but I'd like to offer suggestions but your message is a bit confusing to me. What are you trying to find out - if your husband is lying to you or if you should have a military card or something else?

Thanks -- Suzieque


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RE: Married/deny

No, I didn't realize I made the typos. Yes, I've been knowing him for about 25 year. He has always been a nice guy.He married his first wife in 1972 and she's been dead for a while now. I have been married to him for six years this december. He was in the army. He has three grown children. They are not close to me at all. I can count the times they have been to our house on one hand. I have no relationship with them and he knows it. He say they are grown and he can't make them have a relationhip with me and it may take a little time. All I want to know is why he say I'm not suppose to have a military card. No he was not in the military when I met him and he is not in military now. He is very close to his kids. His daughter is 30 years old and she get $203.00 from his bank account that he had with his first wife before I married him. She get this money every month. He told me several time he was going to have my name added to the account, but he keep putting it off. Should I just leave this matter alone? He just recentely got an american express card for one of his son who is 32 years old and gave him the closing cost for his home he just bought. I have one son. He's 29 and I have not done these things for him. Please give advice. He also paid his three chilren storage fee for 1 year ($98.00). They had some item stored together and he paid it out of our bank account we have together where we live. I told him he should not do this because they are grown as he said they were and he advised them to get their items out of storage and they did.


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RE: Married/deny

HI again, Rabbit - I'm sorry, I guess I really don't know enough about the military to understand or give you advice about the military card.

I don't, for example, understand why you should have (or think you should have) a military card if your husband is no longer in the military. But my lack of understanding is only because I don't know what the cards are for or if a person retains them and whatever benefit they allow if the person, or spouse, is no longer in the military.

It sounds, though, as though your issues and mistrust go far beyond the mere matter of a military card. He's giving his grown children money (his 30 year old daughter gets $203 every month. That's a strange amount, isn't it?) I don't understand how your husband got a credit card FOR his son; do you mean that it's in both of their names? Is yur husband charging things on it and paying on it, too, or is your husband paying his son's bills?

Regarding the $98 storage fee, if your husband and his children had things stored together, it sounds as though that (the $98) might have been his share - did they also pay?

It sounds from your message that you're concerned that he's spending a lot of money on his already grown children. Do his children have problems or are they takers?

I'm sure that there's more to this, of course. But the point seems to be that you mistrust your husband and wonder if he is cheating you.

Let's see...you said that you've known him for 25 years, which must have been about 8 years after he married his first wife. Were you friendly with her, too? You must've also known his children as they were growing up. Were they friendly with you? Or did you just know him (perhaps through work?). If his first wife died 7 years ago that would've been 1998. Was he good to her and share money with her or do you get the sense that she might've had reason to mistrust him, too?

Sorry for all of the questions - I don't mean to be nosy, just trying to help. I guess my advice, at this point and with the information that you've already given, would be to put together a list of all of the reasons you mistrust him (the ones you've listed here and any others), look at them closely to see if they can be explained or if perhaps you're misinterpreting them, and then maybe talk to him, talk to a friend, talk to a clergy person, or perhaps even suggest marriage counseling.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I had so many things that I was questioning.

Hugs to you.


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RE: Married/deny

thanks so much.


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RE: Married/deny

Sorry - I was no help. I wish I knew more about the military cards. I hope that things work out for you. Keep us posted, Ok?


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RE: Married/deny

Is your husband RETIRED from the military?


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RE: Married/deny

Are you worrying about being the beneficiary of his military pension if he dies?

As far as him giving his children money for this and that, and you not being put on his bank account - money issues are very important in a relationship. It's time for you to sit down with him and express your concerns, if you don't feel secure in the financial aspect of your marriage.

He is under no obligation to help your adult children however.


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RE: Married/deny

I'll address the primary question : Are you entitled to a military ID card? The answer is yes. As a veteran your husband should have a retirees card. Your card would indicate that you are the spouse of a veteran.

There may exceptions to this rule that I'm unaware of such as husband having spent a very short time in military or dishonorable discharge.

Having this card would enable you to enter a military post and shop at the PX as well as participate in some post activities. Also online shopping. Check out AAFES Homepage.

There is a problem for you here. He has to take you to a military post or office and show his ID card and sign the papers.

In the event of his death, you should contact the nearest office of Veterans Affairs* concerning his military pension or any surviving spouses benefits that you may be entitled to.

If your husband becomes ill or disabled he might be entitled to some health care at a Veterans hospital or clinic or to receive reduced price medications.

If you contact Veterans Affairs have ready his social security number, branch of service (Army, navy, etc), rank at retirement, place of seperation (the last post where he worked and signed seperation papers) and the date that he left the service, at least the year, the month and year if possible.

*Veterans Affairs - you should be able to find a listing in the Government section of your phone book, usually blue pages. I'm sure that you could also find something online.


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RE: Married/deny

As a retired military person let me clarify this for you. You are only entitled to a military dependent ID only if your husband RETIRED from the military. A lot of people confuse veterans with retirees. A retired veteran has served 20 year or more. A veteran is anyone who has served in the military for less than 20 years. They have no privileges once they are discharged. Those of us who have served 20 or more years retire with full use of the commissary, base exchange and so on.


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RE: Married/deny

I'm confused. My husband served for 17 1/2 years. He has a retirees card and I have a card as well. We have full access to the local military base as well as the Commissary/ PX. What gives?


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RE: Married/deny

There are or could be many reasons your husband of 17 1/2 years in the service has ut... ...early out...but as a general rule only retirees are allowed military ID cards and the priviledge to use them for shopping or services...


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RE: Married/deny

I was in the military for 12 yrs and if your husband did not retire, there are no cards for any of you to have, they give him px and commissary priveleges for a short duration once out the military but thats it, i cant remember now i think its like 6 months. You should have had a dependent ID card while he was in the military which gives you access to the px and commissary and other dependent benefits because you are married to a military person. If he is out now there is no ID card for you to have, you dont get one now


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