Return to the Marriage Forum | Post a Follow-Up

 o
Thanks Guys!

Posted by threedoghouse (My Page) on
Wed, Aug 20, 08 at 10:49

I just wanted to give an update to my story, and give everyone here a big hug and thank you for all the good advice and support.

My problem was with a work-obsessed wife who had no time for the marriage( I posted under jsbach to preserve anonymity ). This problem became much worse over time, with the stress level around the house, the chaos on the home front, and the constant anger of DW being a huge issue, but with her total denial of it being a problem, it was always "after X things will get better"

Well, based on the good advice of folks here, I built up a support network who helped me understand my wife's obsessive, addictive behavior (they call work addictions "the best dressed addiction", because from the outside it just looks like dedication to the job), and also my co-dependency/enabling DW to live like that. I also read a book "Codependent No More", which I'd highly recommend for anyone who thinks they are in a relationship with an addicted person.

Slowly my thinking on the situation got clear, I realized what I'd been doing and the unhealthy "dance" we were involved in, and with the support of my new friends, I have been able to start backing away from the constant support of DWs sick behavior.

She finally noticed I wasn't a doormat any more, and last week we had "the conversation", she made it clear she preferred the job to me, denied she had any problem, and that is that..I'll be talking with the lawyer to make it all official....

Frankly, since I "detached", life is calmer, I actually sleep better, and the stress level has dropped to almost nothing...

So thanks guys, you literally saved me, my health was going to pieces, I feel better now than I have in years, and my support folks are checking in with me on a regular basis to see how I'm doing, so I don't feel like I'm alone in this process.

Thanks, I owe you all!

Here is a link that might be useful: Original Posting


Follow-Up Postings:

 o
RE: Thanks Guys!

I have read in here for a long time and have heard people say they are going to get out of a destructive situation. Not many are strong enough to break the ties. Congratulations and good luck to you. I don't know how old you are but if you can, stay unattached for a couple of years. Learn to be independent enjoy your own company before you get into a serious relationship. I am 71, been married 48 years of my life, before that I had a responsibility to my parents, between marriages (2) I had a responsibility to my sons. so I was 69 before I was accountable only to myself. At times I am lonely, but I know the peace out weighs the loneliness.


 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!


Return to the Marriage Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.


Learn more about in-text links on this page here