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ugh! i am so frustrated

Posted by amber3379 (My Page) on
Fri, Aug 30, 13 at 6:13

My husband keeps saying he is 50/50 on whether he wants to stay married or not. makes it sound like we're splitting up it but at the same time makes it sound like we are working this out totally confuses me most times we still have sex and sleep in the same bed. He says the sex is great and it "sucks" him back in and confuses him on what he wants to do.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

Amber! Are you saying that you want to be, or would even consider being, married to a man that is only there because be likes the sex? How is that not incredibly demeaning to you? Don't you want someone who loves you and not just someone who only loves the way you perform in bed?

I have read your post on the Stepfamilies Forum and can certainly see why you didn't designate this man to have custody of your child in the event that something happens to you.

Given his declaration that the sex is the only thing that holds him in the marriage, he could be gone at any second. But, in my opinion, simply the reason he gives for staying with you would be enough for me to get on out of there. He can get great sex anywhere. A husband should love you, the person. Don't you think so?


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

I do we've been together for 10 yrs so its not just the sex he says he still loves me


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

You said "He says the sex is great and it "sucks" him back in and confuses him on what he wants to do."

Then in your next post you said "...so its not just the sex he says he still loves me".

Well, so now I'm confused and don't know what more to add. I'll just leave saying that if my husband told me that he is 50/50 on whether he wants to stay married to me or not, I'd be looking for help much further than an online forum.

Good luck.


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

You're right I should walk away, and it is very crappy of him to say that but I think he means he gets the closeness and bonding. He isn't very good at wording it well and he is trying to figure out what he wants and he already has his answer. I have taken wedding vows seriously and I won't walk away call me crazy but I'm doing what I think is right


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

Ok.

So what's his answer? 50% chance of wanting to stay with you? Doesn't sound like an answer. Sounds like he's still deciding.

And ... I won't call you crazy; to each their own. But were you asking a question when you posted here? Were you looking for feedback or just venting?


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

Little bit of both I guess...I wanted some opinions I kinda feel like I'm wasting time sometimes. But I won't be the one to tear my family apart ya know?


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

I understand.

And from what you've posted here, I can suggest that you're not the one tearing your family apart.


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

Thank you...some days are better than others


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

No way would I sit and wait for someone to say it's over. I couldn't stand living with that kind of thing hanging over my head. He may just be staying with you out of pity. Where is your back bone, your pride? What do you see when you look in the mirror?


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. I'm not waiting around I told him look you sit around and think but right now I gotta family to take care of. So I'm just getting on with my life going to school and working . Whatever happens is on him.


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

There are different types of pride. The kind you refer to is the one that says "I'm better than other people"' and obviously the pride mentioned was self respect. Hiding behind scripture does not solve your problem.
Do you demonstrate any boundaries in your life?


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

I am bettering myself I'm going to school and preparing for the outcome whatever it may be. I will not be the one to tear the family apart. Regardless of what he's considering we are still married and I took vows I will hold to those


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

Amber, you say you're holding to your vows. He's not, though. I would imagine that he vowed to love, honor, cherish, any of those traditional words. Doesn't sound like he's doing that at all; he's taking you for a ride and has broken the contract.


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

He is, God knows my heart and I am doing what I think he wants me to do. I don't know if my husband is really going to leave but I'll stick around till the end


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I think he's trying to get me to make the decision so he won't look like the bad guy...that ain't gonna happen if he wants out he can do it without me


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

Ok.

Remember your feelings when you started this thread (see the subject line). If you were just venting, that's fine. Since you're indicating that you're firm in what you're doing and not looking for advice, I'll stop offering mine.

Best wishes.


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

Same here.


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

Amber I would probably do what you are doing. As long as there is no physical abuse or infdelity, if he wants to leave, let him leave. As I'm typing this I know you said you were in school; but can't remember if you have any other income. You might want to step that preparation up a bit, but otherwise I think you're on the right path.


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

He's obviously mentally abusive and loves to play mind games while degrading your self worth, treating you like a piece of meat.

Get out. He's abusive. Time to leave. Don't waste your time with that. Life is too short to waste it on mentally abusive people who don't appreciate you for WHO YOU ARE.

Good luck.


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RE: ugh! i am so frustrated

My mother always said the same thing, he isn't hitting you, cheating or drunk. She stayed and he was doing it all except being a drunk. She also stayed because being on the dole was a shameful thing.


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