Just thought I would pop back in. Doesn't god hate lazy people too who refuse to help themselves or take care of their family? We went to visit both our families this weekend...about an hour away. We were supposed to eat lunch with my family today. He had wanted to stay at his mom's and I wanted to stay at my mom's (more comfy bed), so he said lets split up. We ate dinner with his mom Sat night, she offered to pay and he grabbed the check and said no we will pay. Then proceeds to hand it to me since he has no $$$. I don't know why but I paid. I should have said something. His mom knows we are having trouble - he told her we are declaring bankruptcy and I told her the business has failed. So I call him at 12 today to say I was on my way to pick him up. He says no I have to go home to work we need to leave now. I said that we already had plans and he could eat with us if he wanted or stay at his moms, and I would pick him up afterwards.. He chose to stay there and sulk. His mom pissed me off as she knew we had plans with my family and she says to me on the phone when I called to talk to him at 12...oh we are celebrating aunt so and so's birthday today at such and such place if you want to go there instead. Then we get home at 5pm and he goes to bed. He hasn't had any photoshoots in a month, so any work he might have is from over a month ago. Plus he never mentioned he needed to leave at 12 even when I spoke with him the night before. Whatever. y mom asked what was wrong, because clearly I was upset, even though I was trying to hold it all in. So against my more rational judgement I kinda told her what was going on. I really didn't know what she would say...she is pretty religous. She said, well I hope he gets it together and you don't have to get divorced, but you can't keep wasting your life and always having to push him. I was pretty suprised. I thought she might say, that its not that bad and it would be wrong to divorce. I told her I would feel like a failure for getting a divorce and she was very reassuring that isn't the case. (Note: She is divorced, but my dad beat her all the time and finally she left after 11 years - the church told her she shouldn't) I mentioned the only way he will probably find a new job is if I do his resume and send it out. She said she wouldn't do that...that he needs to do it himself and if not, then he has made his choice and I shouldn't feel bad to have him leave. Then my brother arrived at lunch and asked where my husband was since he figured he would be at lunch. I told him less. Brother is younger than me and has his own business and really likes my husband...considers him a brother. I just said he was in a bad mood, that the business wasn't going well. Brother said that he had talked to him at XMAS trying to help...suggesting sales calls, networking, inviting him to his business assoc. mtgs etc. I said he hasn't went on one sale call, sent out any direct mail, phone calls or trade shows ever in three years, doesn't call his customers back when they have complaints and has a bad rating with the better business bureau. He said, well he could turn it around, but it would require 80 hr work weeks, tons of sales calls, resolving issues etc. He said it doesn't sound like that will work. I was very calm just matter of fact with my family...not emotional, not saying I hate him etc. Just the busines isn't working and that I told him he needs to go back to work. Brother asked how much the business is making, if I didn't mind saying, which I didn't...I told him $615...he thought that was per week....I said, no that is per year. He agreed time to say goodbye to it. He did say his 1st three businesses didn't succeed, but that he doesn't have a "sugar mamma" so if he doesn't work he doesn't eat. Then went on to say its not fair to me to have live that way. Of course I asked each of them to keep this confidental. I really hadn't planned on saying anything to my family since I embarrassed about the entire thing and also because if we do reconcile I do not want them to hold a grudge, but I think the way I presented it, that will not be the case. Plus my family typically doesn't hold grudges. I didn't tell my brother I was thinking about a divorce though. Not really ready to tell everyone. Hopefully it wasn't a mistake to mention it to my mom. I delivered all the bankruptcy forms and support docs to our atty this week and we will file March 15. I found a new job that pays 10k more as my current employer eliminated by job in Dec and I have been doing data entry work for the past four weeks, so I start that in a week. It will involve some travel. Even with the increase we still qualify for the bankruptcy, thank god, because I can barely pay all the nessecary bills. Thank you all for listening to my vent...I really needed to get that out. I am willing to give it to the end of May. If he doesn't have a job by then, I am done. It makes me cry just typing that out.

love2weed- sounds like you are stressed and frustrated, and building a pool can certainly do that to you!! I wanted concrete like mkfmedic (that looks fantastic, by the way!!) but our builder wouldn't do it, telling me it would not look good around our pool. I had pictures of what I wanted - they had issues visualizing, and probably wanted to make more money . . .Now we have a cast stone product which is super because in 100 degree Texas heat, it is not the least bit hot. However, our contractor is gone and won't make the problems that remain right. What are we to do? We can't match the stuff without him. I say this to say to you - go with something easy and that you and your hubby can agree on. You probably don't want solid concrete around the pool or else any settling will cause you major problems down the road. If they put the saw-cut lines in, or lay the coping and decking with a division between, not only will it add design but will be sturdier. A lot can be done with concrete - pass it on to your other half. Simple is good :)

My 34 yr old stepdaughter has moved in & out of our home 6 times in the last 10 years. Besides being on drugs & supposedly being "clean" now, she has 2 children (never been married). She doesn't get along with her mom & ends up on our doorstep whenever she gets caught breaking house rules. My husband & BC (stepdaughter) are both co-dependent. Husband & I have never fought about anything but this stepdaughter. She doesn't want to work, can't keep a job, goes out at night (dragging her 5 yr old with her) & parties with her "rehab" friends & comes home drunk OR doesn't come home for several days. Sooo disrespectful! She finally became eligible for Medicaid & thinks if she gets a job she'll lose her medical benefits. Her medical benefits include ongoing Rx's for Suboxone which she sells for spending money. I confronted her on this & she reluctantly admitted it - shocked that I knew about it. There's no reasoning with her. I've spoken with an Addiction Counselor about this & he says you can't reason with an addict. Husband & I have had several sit down discussions with her & her eyes just glaze over. Husband can't confront her because he's afraid he lose contact with the grandchildren. Husband has also tried to put me on a guilt trip about this - he has always succeeded each time. My 2 children (I raised as a single parent) are independent & have decent jobs - which makes this so inexcusable to me. One thing that helped was to approach husband & agree to set a "move out" deadline since she has no goals. I had lost all respect for her & got to the point where I couldn't stand to look at her. Finally decided to sit down with her (with husband present) & tell her how frustrating her behavior was to me. All we got were more excuses for why she couldn't get a job. Unlike her Dad, I didn't buy her excuses. She got up & left. She's been gone for 6 weeks. But I don't expect this to have resolved anything. Addiction counselor said "bottom line - she won't change. She has no incentive to change. Either she goes or you'll have to". I went to another counselor for a second opinion - same advice. Needless to say there is much more to the story. Much more. I've tolerated so much crap from both daughters & ex-wife you wouldn't believe it. Thank God my husband doesn't dispute me anymore re: this particular daughter's behavior.

Love it! moni, My former boss (before retirement) brought back a fridge magnate from his trip to Greece. (probably purchase at the airport) but I still love it. It was shortly after the divorce and it read "I still miss my Ex- husband but my aim is improving."