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Unhappy spouses, emotional abuse, bad marriage

Posted by anja0507 (My Page) on
Sun, Jul 19, 09 at 15:17

I have been vulnerable in the past for a month of three. Tried to reach this forum for emotional support as I wanted to keep my family and friends away from this.

I was then suggested to read The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. I read and realized that I was also somewhere wrong. I want to tell now what really help me identify and sort out few things between me and my husband. I got another book to read "Mans are from Mars and woman from Venus". I would say that this book really help me to correct and straighten few differences and make me better/understandable person.

We man and woman behave differently on different things. I would really suggest for every married couples to read that book to understand few basic differences between man and woman.

Although I am sad time to time and have differences time to time but I am sure that life needs some adjustment.

If your marriage is stuck as your husband does other things then you expect from him. Please do read the book "Mans are from..

Good luck to you all.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Unhappy spouses, emotional abuse, bad marriage

So, if the book helps you -- as many people say it has -- that's fine.

IMHO it is just one of countless pop-psyche offerings that had its day in the sun -- or at least on all the talk shows. Unfortunately, the author, John Gray, is a many-times discredited self-promoter. His supposed degrees are quite bogus. Those of you who are old enough may recall the popularity of transcendental meditation (TM) in the early-mid seventies after the Beatles and other celebrities "discovered" Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in India and he turned it into a thriving commercial venture in the united states.. They even claimed to be able to fly, once publishing a photograph of a practitioner levitating. The person in that early photograph is John Gray. He attempted several other gigs over the years but finally hit the jackpot with this book in 1992.

Here is a link that might be useful: where John Gray came from


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RE: Unhappy spouses, emotional abuse, bad marriage

Hubby was great friends with Johnny Gray up through high school. They lost touch after school...

While I have absolutely NO information about John Gray's educational background, the possible lack of educational qualifications does not necessarily mean that his ideas lack merit. Some of them make a lot of sense, and may be very helpful to some people. Others may not apply... The same can be said for highly-educated, flawlessly-credentialed folks.


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RE: Unhappy spouses, emotional abuse, bad marriage

I agree with you but I prefer to begin with a non-fraudulent resume.


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baloney

I actually very much dislike his books, Mars and Venus stuff. Couple of things in them seem so backwards, like forcing women back in a kitchen pregnant barefoot.

especially parts where it is said that women should not suggest sex, physical intimacy, PDA or ever intitate any of that (with their own man!) because supposedly it emasculates their man. i was shocked and asked few men what they think of it, they said maybe it was so in 1800s, certainly not in modern times.

i by the way attended presentation/concert by John Gray few years ago in the area, he presented his book "Mars and Venus at work". he suggested how men and women should behave at work. Again his main idea was that women should always give credit to men and should not initate anything at work and should just lay low (if they work wiht men). I haven't read that book but he presented his ideas at the concert. Com'n. Give me a break.

Honestly if all this behavior he demands from women makes a good marriage, i'd rather never be married and never even date. If it means i have to go back to 1800s, no, thanks.


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RE: Unhappy spouses, emotional abuse, bad marriage

I do not remember that book suggested anything like women should not suggest sex etc. Essene of this book which I discovered is that you give some space to man when they want to go to their cave. After they come back do not ask questions. What I noticed that woman always want to talk about the problem while man do not want to. They just want to solve the problem and do not want to hear it out while woman want to share feelings.
It's not a man/woman issue. I think in general two people are different in a way. One is emotional another one is not. One like one solution another like some other solution. It's a good chance that a solution provided by a person is not suitable for another one and finally they have differences. When these two people are husband and wife it's called bad marriage. Their ego does not allow them to come closer. Every human being think differently and when the gap is big we have problems in our marriage life.

I do not say that book is 100% correct. A reader need to decide where she/he agree and where not.


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RE: Unhappy spouses, emotional abuse, bad marriage

Glad you've got it all figured out. Have a good day.


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RE: Unhappy spouses, emotional abuse, bad marriage

"After they come back do not ask questions. What I noticed that woman always want to talk about the problem while man do not want to. They just want to solve the problem and do not want to hear it out while woman want to share feelings.
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Jeez maybe that is my problem, I ask questions and want to talk about what bothers me or any issues we may have with my husband.

I don't think I'd like that book if that's the basis. If I just kept my mouth shut and never questioned we would have no problems. I'm sure my husband would agree with this! Hmm.


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RE: Unhappy spouses, emotional abuse, bad marriage

It can be hard to pin down what is a 'male' trait and what is a 'female' trait. While many guys are not talkative and many women are, there are also guys who are talkative and prefer to discuss problems, while there are also 'silent' women who find it difficult to discuss most anything.

For this reason, I do think basic principles regarding mutual respect, consideration, compassion, unselfishness, attitudes toward money, etc. -- regardless of gender -- are much more helpful than advice which is gender-specific. JMHO


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RE: Unhappy spouses, emotional abuse, bad marriage

I think I have the worst husband ever what kind of man would intentional stress a pregnant woman so she could loose a baby twice in a row


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RE: Unhappy spouses, emotional abuse, bad marriage

What kind of a woman would stay with and get pregnant by a man whom she believes caused her to lose a baby even once?

Saddy - what are you thinking? Are you going to try again to have a child with a man you describe so? Do you really want "the worst husband ever" to 1) make love to you or 2) be a father to a child?


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