how to deal with a disrespectful husband?
Mnementh
9 years ago
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jewelisfabulous
9 years agocalisha46
9 years agoRelated Discussions
need help dealing with my husband's death
Comments (26)I lost my husband April 2010, it seems like yesterday. We were married in las vegas 16 yrs ago. We would frequent Las Vegas for memory sake. I was lucky to go the month before he died. I am so lost. There isnt a day goes by i cry, think of him or pray he hears me. People tell me its time to move on. I cant! I have never met a person who i can relate to so much and have so much in common. We would even sit and watch the three stooges together. We both loved humor immensely. He was a terrific singer in a rock band since he was 17. He was 55 when he passed. Im blessed to have some of his music on cd's., and a couple of Vhs tapes to watch him perform. I dont know what more to say on here. It was a sudden death, cutting the grass and a heart attack. I felt helpless trying to save him, it didnt work. Somehow i blame myself why i couldnt save him. I just miss him so much. Its very lonely, even though i have my adult son living with me, its not the same of cuddling at night or special times with each other. I know i should probably go seek some kind of support group, but i dont have the energy or will to go. How can i be in denial for so long? Thanks for listening...See Morehow to handle disrespect
Comments (35)Popi, if ONLY things settled down to peace when they move out. Some of the most frightening, difficult and heart wrenching times with my children have been SINCE they moved out. Motherhood...well, parenthood...just doesn't end. I'm quite sure that as long as I have two brain cells to rub together and any degree of consciousness whatsoever, I'll be worrying about my children and trying to find some way to better understand them. Just about the only thing I can say about that milestone (moving out) is that the rules change somewhat. To oversimplify, a parent can no longer use those old standards: "Not as long as you are under MY roof!" or "My house, my rules!" The emotional investment, the concern, the worry, the commitment...those don't seem to change at all. As for the reason for the disrespect and conflict...some of it is very likely insecurity as you say. Part of it is probably quite reasonable reaction to a parent's lack of reason. And a lot of it is the normal "business" of childhood - becoming an independent, individual grown up. When our babies are born they are still almost a physical part of us. They grow and become more and more able to "leave" us - as they should - first at a crawl and later toddling, walking, and running. They move from our complete physical control to "voice control" as I called it (off the changing table and into the playground) and eventually beyond our supervision for longer and longer periods each day (school, for example). And there is a psychological version of this as well. Very young children identify so closely with parents. They see them as all-powerful, all-wise, unflawed. But as the child grows, self awareness develops. The child begins to realize that they are NOT the same as the parent (think about the toddler's overuse of the word "NO") and gradually they begin to test out, try on, new opinions and ideas that they encounter as their experiences reach beyond the parent/child relationship. They MUST develop their own point of view, which involves a process of separation from the parent that is, to one extent or another, painful to all involved. It isn't easy and is often painful but it is necessary if the child is to become an adult. Often, I think, that pain - fear of loss of control on the parents' side and fear of the unknown on the child's side - translates into aggressive, angry confrontation. It's a delicate balance for the child to demand independence but still require reassurance and support and it's equally difficult for the parent to encourage growth and independence in the child while feeling responsibility for that child's safety and welfare. No wonder we find ourselves yelling!...See MoreDisrespectful, nasty, shoplifting 17 yr old SD, help!
Comments (18)Where is her mother? Why does dad have sole custody? If HE is the better parent, and he isn't willing to see or deal with her problems, then it becomes easy to see why she HAS the problems she has. Poor kid has been dealt a raw deal in the parents category. You have two choices: Stay & allow your kids to suffer along with you. You can try to make a difference in her life but there's no guarantee that you can get through to her. She has a lifetime of whatever happened in her 17 years to bring her to this point. She is angry & self destructive and neither of her parents gives a crap enough to do a thing. If they don't care, unless she WANTS your help, nothing you do will be well received. Meanwhile, your kids & her sister will learn from her example. Good luck when your kids are older. There's a good chance your kids will become resentful if you force them to be in a bad situation. They may lose respect for you for staying & I don't know how any of you can currently have any respect for your DH. Some guys stick their head in the sand... your DH is completely buried! His daughter is cutting, sabotaging her diabetes, is rude, committing crimes, and has problems in school. "she is always creating some kind of drama, and it keeps going up a notch -- probably to get attention." YA THINK???? "My husband did nothing." Sylvia is right... there ya go! It will continue to go up, notch after notch because her parent's don't give a crap! She is trying to get attention & if her dad doesn't step up, she will get her final attention in a funeral where everyone will ask why did this happen to such a young person? Then her dad will have to answer questions, like WHAT DID YOU DO TO HELP HER? Is he going to feel guilty the rest of his life when her life ends or is so screwed up because of him not doing anything now? That will be fun for you! Your second choice it to leave & save your own children from suffering through your husbands baggage. It is not fair to drag your kids into this situation & it probably wasn't the wisest decision to have a child with a man that isn't a very good parent to one of his existing children. What a mess & I feel very sorry for the younger children that don't have a choice in witnessing this mess....See MoreAny advice on how to deal with resentment to husband caused by MIL?
Comments (32)Any advice on how to deal with resentment to husband caused by MIL? This post really resonated with me, although my MIL is a good, kind woman and it sounds like your MIL isn't. As nice as my MIL is, we still have an uneasy relationship. You and your MIL have very different expectations about what your relationship with one another should/will be. She has made it clear she doesn't want the kind of loving family relationship you want. You cannot change that. It doesn't matter how nice you are, how many texts or pictures of the kids you send or anything else you do, you cannot make her like you, love you or want to be around you. Accept that. Your husband can't change that, either. There is absolutely nothing he can say or do to make her love you, like you, or want to be around you. Accept that, too. If your family is abroad and you would like to embrace your husband's family as your own, that is not going to happen. Not because of you, but because they are not that kind of family. They aren't going to help you, call you, keep in touch with you, and your husband cannot make them. Accept that. Develop other close family-like friendships so you will have a network of support, but don't look for a support network from your husband's family. There are probably other people in your area who have no family or a dysfunctional family and would love to have close family-like ties with friends. Stop worrying about what she wants the kids to call her and whether or not she tries to manipulate the kids by sending gifts. Let her send all the gifts she wants. Kids love their moms. Stop worrying about what your MIL tells the rest of the family about you. Your MIL sounds creepy, selfish and mean and the rest of the family probably knows how she is. If she's been that way toward you, she's been that way toward other people, too. Stop making little digging comments to your husband about your MIL. If he comes home and tells you she said hi, just let it roll off your back. That doesn't mean you should never discuss your feelings or concerns with him, just don't make a lot of little digging comments. Save your discussion for when it really matters, then sit down sometime when you aren't angry and have a calm discussion. She is your husband's mom. He loves her very much, regardless of her faults. Trying to get him to include you in their phone calls, emails and texts is a losing battle, I think. If you keep insisting, what you will probably accomplish is that he will talk to her just the two of them anyway and he will stop mentioning it to you. She sounds like a mean and unpleasant person, so really, this works out great for you to not even have to talk to her. This problem is between you, your husband, and your MIL. Don't drag the kids into it, don't encourage them to ignore your MIL or treat her badly. In time your children will notice things for themselves. It sounds like they won't see her often, anyway, and it sounds like she's not really a kid person, anyway. Counseling would help you sort out what expectations are reasonable and what aren't. Having said all that, my husband would never in a million years scream at me, shake me or call me names. Please get some counseling so you can get some perspective on this. Your family is abroad, you sound isolated, make sure you build some ties with friends in the area. Keep your job skills current and make sure you have all the tools you need to become independent if you want to or need to do that. Best of everything to you and your little family....See Morepopi_gw
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