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EX's Stuff...

Posted by silversword (My Page) on
Wed, Jul 31, 13 at 11:12

Hi y'all, I haven't been here in a while, but that's mostly because I've been going through an awful divorce...

It's been one year, five months and he still hasn't gotten his things out of my house!! Papers signed, divorce almost final, and his stuff is STILL mucking up my space.

Any suggestions at all? My lawyer seems to think it's all fine but it's making me C R A Z Y!! I'm at the point of wanting to rent him a storage and moving it in for him, then mailing his lawyer the key.

Thank you, Silver

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: EX's Stuff...

Personally I would send him a sign receipt requested letter and tell him he had 2 weeks to pick up his stuff or you will sell it.

If you can't contact him you can put a notice in the paper for a certain amount of time. If he doesn't come to get them, you can legally sell the stuff. You need to ask a lawyer about his to be sure.

RE: EX's Stuff...

Don't do anything rash. Check with your lawyer regarding your legal options. They are still his legal possessions and you don't want to get into a mess on this issue at the end of such a long and difficult process.

RE: EX's Stuff...

what readinglady said.

From what I've read, people who do this kind of thing are playing mind games, "marking" a bit on your territory just to be aggravating.

so don't be aggravated.

That'll fix him.

Just don't let him in to pick the stuff up;
when the divorce is final, arrange a date & time, & have it on the porch or in front of the garage, etc.

RE: EX's Stuff...

Rash? Shes been providing free storage for his things for over a year. She wants to move on. OP, if you don't want to take the trouble to move his things into storage- or the hassle of selling it, call habitat for humanity, goodwill, etc. They will bring a large truck and remove it all at once. Free. Of course, you must notify him that he has a reasonable amt of time to remove his belongings. I would relay this through the lawyer tho and not make any mention of his things until AFTER the divorce is final, in case he decides to use it as an excuse to drag things out further.

RE: EX's Stuff...

Rashness has nothing to do with the time elapsed. It has to do with the choice of the moment.

I know seeing these things is a constant nagging irritant, just one more stab. Nevertheless, as long as those items are legally his, the OP is limited in her options.

It might be momentarily satisfying to do any number of things up to and including a nice big bonfire in the backyard. But don't risk messing up a divorce and an opportunity for release by one unconsidered action.

Believe me, vindictive spouses can find all kinds of nasty ways to make you pay, right up to the very end.

RE: EX's Stuff...

I read about this guy who paid his court-ordered alimony in pennies, soaked in old crankcase oil. The judge found him in contempt, though.

RE: EX's Stuff...

I'm so sorry, I posted this and forgot.

I had asked my lawyer, repeatedly. Basically he kept saying that until the divorce was more final there wasn't anything I could do.

After we finally signed our agreement and I asked again what I could do, with no answer.... I hit upon what I thought would work.

I told my lawyer to tell his lawyer that I was moving it to storage, that I would pay the first month and it would be his liability after that. My lawyer told me his lawyer that he "agreed to pick up his stuff from storage". Very generous!!

I hired a crew of three guys and a moving truck. With the three of them and myself it took almost five hours to move out all of the things he had left/abandoned a year and a half ago. We put them into a storage unit, I bought a lock, and I have the keys...

Since I don't want to be liable, I told them that once he went to the storage and signed papers to transfer liability to himself that I would mail the keys to his lawyer.

So far, no response.

It's so absolutely frustrating to have stored his things for a year +, only to have to pay to move them, pay to store them, etc.

I have to keep reminding myself that it's worth it, I'm coming out ahead. But it was oh-so-frustrating!!!!!!!

Thank you for the support. I didn't want to do anything rash (well, I did, but I didn't want to be responsible for the outcome!) but I really, really needed his things gone.

Now it's all over but the final wet signature from the judge.

And, of course, the potential that he won't come to get his stuff and I have to either move it out again or figure something else out. But it's out of my house, thank goodness.

An 8 x 12 storage unit, who on Earth would believe it?!?!? And the stuff that went in there was not cheap. I tried several times to figure out what he was thinking and finally concluded (duh) that he's not.

Happiest part is that he has absolutely no reason to ever come over to my house again.

(big sigh of relief)

RE: EX's Stuff...

You've moved it and given him at least a month to go get it out of storage and/or pay to continue to store it- if he doesn't, let the storage company auction it off.

RE: EX's Stuff...

Five years? I'd say that's past the point of the statute of limitations on your responsibilities to him.

Ask your attorneys advice.
Send your ex a certified letter giving him 30 days to get it out. Let him know if it's not out in 30 days, you'll be posting the free items on Craigslist and they will be put curbside.
What you can't get rid of, burn it in a firepit. I think it would be very therapeutic for you.

I couldn't imagine having the emotional leftovers of an ex around my home five years after the fact. Time for closure. Time to move on.

Stop enabling him!! Give an ultimatum, stick to it, and get it OUT.

Good luck.

RE: EX's Stuff...

So, did you have a yard sale???

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