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Her weight has killed our sex life.

Posted by avid99 (My Page) on
Sat, Jul 22, 06 at 8:37

I know this sounds very superficial but over the past few years my wife has put on over 100 pounds of additional weight. She now weighs close to 300 pounds Sex became uncomfortable and a chore. It has now gotten to the point that I cant look at her naked. Our sex life stopped over a year ago. We are in our mid 40's and married over 20 years.

She keeps asking me why we don't have sex, and I keep saying that I have lost my drive, that it does not interest me anymore. The real truth being that I have no desire to be intimate with her because her weight is a complete turn off.

We also no longer sleep in the same room because along with the weight came terrible snoring. Even ear plugs were no help.

How do I tell her that her its her size that has killed our sex life? I keep putting the blame on me, and accepting her demands I go to therapy, but its really a very simple case of she has become unattractive and in some ways repulsive to me.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

You're cheating your wife and yourself and wasting the therapist's time. Pretty hard to solve a problem when you're not allowed to identify it. Seems to me its time for the direct approach. Your feelings and attitudes are as important as anyone elses. Put 'em on the table let them be acknowledged.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Your feelings are understandable, but you (obviously) need to be very careful about how you approach your wife on this one! She is probably feeling humiliated and depressed enough about her weight already! It is important that you make her feel very treasured and loved and make sure to emphasize that the weight issue is a SEPARATE issue from your love and respect for her. Let her know that you have TRIED to evercome your feelings about weight, but you just can't. Let her know how much you miss the way things used to be and how much you would like them to be that way again.

She may be wishing that she could lose weight, but feel overwhelmed about doing it. Ask her if there are any ways that you could make her life easier or help her so that she can have the leisure to focus on the weight. It is VERY hard to stick to dieting and exercising when you are stressed and overworked.

Good luck.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

My question is why in the world your wife became so overweight and what price she might pay outside of the bedroom.

Checking thyroid hormome level involves a simple blood test, and that is just one of several physical causes leading to a slowed metabolic rate.

If she's an emotional eater or suffering from depression, there's counseling, Weight Watchers groups and more.

A list of health problems that could result from her obesity (just off the top of my head) include high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, gastric reflux and joint damage in the hips, knees and feet from bearing excess weight.

Sleep apnea (where breathing becomes blocked during sleep) can be caused or made worse by obesity, and one symptom is the loud snoring you describe. Sleep apnea can cause strokes, heart attacks and brain damage.

If you want my opinion, your wife is overdue for a physical exam. I hope the doctor will give her a wake-up call and get her on track to good health.

As far as her weight killing your sex life, although it doesn't help, I doubt that's the main problem. Believe it or not, a counselor with expertise in that area could help you think differently about your wife, independent of the weight issue.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

She gave up exercising and started eating too much. On top of that she has a thyroid condition. She does take meds for that though.

The apnea I have seen for myself. Many nights she stops breathing for several seconds only suddenly gasp, wake herself up partially and then fall back to sleep and so it all over again.

I am not sure if she feels bad about being so heavy. She talks with some sense of pride about being a beautiful bountiful woman.

She just seems completely blind to the way her body repels me. While I am not at my old college weight, I work out and run several times a week and feel better than I did years ago. I sometimes wonder who I am keeping myself in shape for.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Please get her to see a doctor, for the sleep apnea if nothing else. Someone in my family has it and the doctor arranged for a C-pap machine which helps keep him breathing all night. He now stays alert during the day and has a better memory. And now we don't have to worry if he'll wake up in the morning.

Your wife may also need an increase in her thyroid meds.

And trust me, coming from a woman's perspective, her words of pride in her "bountiful" body are just face-saving. She is covering up for feelings of shame at being obese. That's what some people with low self esteem do, brag about how great they are hoping nobody will notice their shortcomings. You know that she is a valuable, lovable, worthwhile person, but she may not.

Louisa gives excellent advice on how to talk to her. She may get defensive anyway, but please do emphasize your love for her when bringing up such a sensitive subject.

Please keep us posted!


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Your wife sounds depressed to me. Do you know why??? Ask her. She is eating for a reason..and don't say it is because she is just a lazy glutton. Maybe food is how she relieves her depression. Tell her how you feel and that you will //together// beat this problem. Sign her up for overeaters annon. PLEASE get her help.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Petaloid is right, the Apnea is a life threatening problem. Additionally, if her sleep is disrupted, as Apnea does do, she is not mentally or physically alert enough to function, let alone exercise -- just no energy! Get her to the DR. prep the exam if needed by letting the Dr know about the sleep disruption. My own husband put on so much weight, I finally told him if he had a heart attack, he was a goner -- there is no way, no matter how much I would want to, that I could properly do CPR on him. His Dr seconded that, and told him he would not live past 65 if he even made it there, (he isn't even 50 yet).
Thankfully, he listened had a serious look at himself and had surgery to help lose weight. It isn't for everyone, but part of telling you all this is to say, he couldn't do it all by himself. He didn't want to be that out of shape, or endanger his life. Some of what was going on was connected to medical disorders, the apnea and his body just not working right anymore. Cut her a break, get medical assistance and then be honest with the therapist! If you love her, it is worth working on.

Susan


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Being an over weight wife, I would rather have my husband tell me that Im appoling, than lie to my face about why I am unwanted...


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

There are a few things stated by the OP that are bothering me. First, OP says that the wife gained weight simply because she stopped exercising and is eating more. Duh. What the rest of us are trying to get OP to look into is *why* she made those choices. A person who stops taking care of himself/herself is exhibiting a classic symptom of depression. This is true whether it manifests as weight gain, excessive weight loss, ceasing hygenic routines, etc. Clearly the wife has made a decision, even if subconciously, that she is not worth the work of staying fit. Find out why!

Second, I'm bothered by OP's statement that he isn't sure "who" he is staying in shape for. Excuse me while I say "duh" yet again. Yourself!! Other responders on this thread have set out many good reasons why weight gain is harmful to health, and this should be the #1 reason you stay fit. Living up to someone else's (or your own) standard of "sexy" is really priority #2. You won't have anyone to sleep with if you're dead. Taking care of yourself is a sign that you care about yourself and that *is* sexy.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Avid99

I think you need to say to your wife.. " My love, I am concerned about your weight and how this affecting your health, how about we BOTH work together to become more healthy, to eat better, and go for a walk every day ?"

My son has a weight problem and my whole family has made the effort to eat better, and exercise daily. It has to be everyone, it cant just be the person who is overweight.

I think you should definately concentrate on the health aspect of your problem, and the sex will come back once you are all bouncing and healthy again.

I would not even mention the lack of sex aspect of your problem.

Be patient, work to a gaol.

All the best to you.

Let us all know how you get on and what you do.

Popi


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

I think you can tell her in a loving kind of way, meaning tell her the truth, don't be hard and harsh when you tell her just let her know the weight that she has put on is not attractive to you and that it is affecting your sex drive towards her although you are still in love with her. Hopefully you are still in love with her. Maybe you should ask if she wants the two of you to join a fitness club or maybe go with her to see a nutritionalist. Consider it a partner problem not just her problem and let her know that you still love her very much and you want to work with her on loosing some of the weight.
In my opinion if you don't address the problem you will eventually fall out of love with her because you are harboring resentment and you said it disgusts you to even look at her nakkid. Eventually you will turn to a more attractive woman to get your needs met if you haven't already strayed.
If you love her then you will be honest with her. The bottom line no matter how you tell her it will hurt, but i think if she knows how much it's pushing you away from her and how much you want to work on the weight problem with her then she will be more apt to do something about it.
Personally i don't understand how she could not know what the problem is if she has put on that much weight. 100 pounds is a massive amount of weight to put on and most women in relationships if the sex stops we just know its either our weight or he's cheating.
Keep us posted on what happened.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

god bless you buddy, my heart is out to you, one of my greatest fears. I am 100% for marriage and all the bull that most of us have to put up with one way or another, but i don't know how i would be able to bear living with a huge, fat wife.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Being 100% for marriage means for better or worse.

May God bless you....with a "huge, fat wife" who promptly sits on you and crushes that attitude.

Actually you don't deserve any kind of wife, not even a fat one.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Well, one part of her problem is easy:

She needs to find a doctor who can get her thyroid function within normal range.

Best luck.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

avid99, superficial or not, i can tell you it would repulse me. i could talk to, or be friends with a fat woman, but no way on the sex, its just too much of a turn off to me. my wife and i dealt with this problem a few yrs ago, i let myself at 5ft9 to bloat to 255, and she at 4ft7 got to 160, and we repulsed each other, now i`am at 152, and she is at 104, we work out every day togeather, and will never allow ourselves to get heavy again. life is better now at 50 than it was at 40.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Whoa...these problems with weight and love!

My own dh decided he wasn't interested any more when I was a size 4. Now I'm a size 14 and I'll tell ya why. If the only physical pleasure I'm going to get is something to eat, well...I'm gonna eat it. That's flip but pretty accurate.

I'm assuming your wife didn't have that sort of discouragement to deal with. But there WAS something that lead to her weight gain. Either physical or emotional...something. And if you love her - not just the image of her when she was slim - you will make an effort to find out what that was. There is no need to be an adversary. You can explain that you would prefer that she were slender for aesthetic reasons but that you still love HER. Obviously it would be better for her not to be so heavy. Health issues alone make that case. The important thing is for you to really come down to the understanding that she is a person - apart from her size or shape - that you love. And communicate with that person. I'm pretty sure she would prefer to be slim. It is just a lot more comfortable. It's easier to get around. It's easier to do the day to day! And shopping is way more fun!

But she may need your unconditional acceptance more than anything. She may need to know that you will love her no matter what. That isn't going to give her permission to stay heavy. It may give her encouragement to lose the weight.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Linda

My own dh decided he wasn't interested any more when I was a size 4. Now I'm a size 14 and I'll tell ya why. If the only physical pleasure I'm going to get is something to eat, well...I'm gonna eat it. That's flip but pretty accurate.

I think that is very sad....you need to be fit and healthy for YOURSELF....not for anyone else.

Please do if for yourself.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

I always wonder why people always blame something else (such as depression, some life crisis, etc) and fail to take full responsibility for letting themselves become fat? You don't get fat overnight you know, it all happens slowly over the years.

I was a size 6 woman and let myself 'bloomed' to size 12 over the course of 7 years. Why? Because I was lazy to exercise and didn't make any effort to eat right, that's why! Then I realized my clothes choices had become more and more limited. I decided that it's time to take some action for myself and enrolled myself to the nearest gym and started making conscious efforts to eat right. I worked my butt off for 6 months and although I'm now size 8, I'm still working on getting back to my 'old' body. I also discovered that exercise is a GREAT way to work off your frustration from work, life, etc.

I'm not posting this to brag, but I am a bit annoyed when I saw so many posters immediately assumed that OP's wife was fat due to depression. I think people need to stop making excuses and start taking full responsibility for whatever situation they're in now.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

I have heard people say that they did not realize how heavy they had gotten, and how bad they really looked until they saw themselves in a photograph, and they were shocked! That it did not really seem that bad, until the photo shocked them into reality. Perhaps you should hand someone a camera and have them take some photo's of you two. Perhaps when she see's the pictures, it will shock her back into reality and make her want to get back to her old self again. ( you may want to get photo's catching a back view and a side view too). As others have mentioned, her weight is not healthy, and it is a drag to carry around.

I would try this first, before I said anything, hoping that she "got it" on her own. If that doesn't work, you need to be honest, as it is a huge waste of time and money to go on and on and on and on with therapy...and not simply telling the truth, and working with the truth.

I often wonder how we can expect someone to actually overlook something like this...a total lack of caring about our appearance and health. Remember though that some of these medications cause people to gain alot of weight, and they may be eating as they always did. The medications cause the person to put on alot of weight. Perhaps her doctor can make adjustments in her medicine to help her in this weight area.

But just try and work with her, and encourage her.

On the other hand, if she just ignores how she looks, and refuses to at least try, and is eating massive amounts of fattening junk food, etc. then she really cares more about the food, than about your feelings, her health, or her appearance. And you then need to deal with how you feel about that.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Popsicle Toe, congratulations! Having done it a time or two, I know that losing the weight and getting in shape is a real accomplishment. Good for you!

And you are quite right that exercise can be a great stress reliever - I remember that.

But I must disagree with you when it comes to the emotional connection to weight gain. Not EVERYBODY who is overweight is there because of depression, but many ARE. I am. I've gone round and round with this for most of my adult life. If you really don't see how depression can figure into this then congratulations again because you haven't been depressed. Depression is sneaky because it makes you feel that you CANNOT do what you may very well know you should do. It saps your energy and your hope.

Of course we ARE responsible for taking care of ourselves but depression is very real and it does make it far, far more difficult.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

"Of course we ARE responsible for taking care of ourselves but depression is very real and it does make it far, far more difficult". (LINDAKIMY)

Yes, we are. And we are able to cope with depression, because we are worthy, self-respectful and strong indivduals who take one's own life responsibly. Unless we willingly decided to be depressed.

Do not make yourslef fooled by those faulty statements that overweight people aren't responsible for the way they are. They are responsible. Unless the obesity is a result of some medical condition, but then again, it is their responsibility to find and cure the problem.

There is no point in being overweight and lose on many life pleasures as a result of that, in the same manner as many people do not want to be unhappy for prolonged periods of time (self-preservation instinct?). We try to resolve the issues when we are unhappy, then shouldn't we have the same proactive approach to weight management?

And honestly, I can totally understand a man who is turned off by the suddenly overweight wife. He did not commit to that choice, did he - 30% increase in body weight? Character and personality is important, too, but I am a strong believer that the same personalities do manage the weight as well.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

"Unless we willingly decided to be depressed."

Whaaa? Depression is different from choosing to indulge a bad mood.
Depression isn't something we decide to be.
It's an illness that sneaks up on you, and by the time you realize it's holding you, it's already got you.

When you're depressed, your initiative is in the gutter. I'd venture to say that for most people, having the the kind of initiative and determination it takes to seek and follow through on treatment pretty-much means you weren't all that depressed to start with... Hopelessness is one of the hallmarks of depression; and it's hope that motivates us to seek treatment.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

The "evidence" is the unusual weight gain. It deserves to be addressed directly whether symptomatic or stand-alone.

Your revulsion to it is as legitimate as anything else in the equation. It all goes together.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

I think the thyroid problem may be a bigger cause of the problem than both of you realize. It can cause both weight gain and chronic fatigue which can keep a person from being able to exercise. Medicines and the disease itself can also increase appetite. Sounds like maybe her medicine needs to be adjusted. Does she have blood tests done to see if her dose is correct? Is there a way you (or she) could talk to her doctor about this?

I'm surprised (well, not really knowing how our society is) that so many people would be so very turned off by a fat wife. I would bet a lot of these so called husband's aren't usually such physically-perfect prizes themselves. Granted there are health concerns, but not sleeping with your wife for long periods of time will usually only make the problem worse and cause depression on top of everything. Women need to know they are loved unconditionally. I would not find it that hard to sleep with someone I loved, even if they were fat, a bad burn victim, paralized, etc... people physically change. I guess I'm just more turned on by intellect and kindness.

Funny, but I had a blind guy friend who said he actually preferred fat women sexually. He said their bodies were softer and more feminine than 'boney' type women. He was not odd in the least bit, but had not been tainted by society's definition of what is beautiful and worthy of sleeping with. Seems like that blind guy had much better in'sight' than most men.

I'm not saying that fat is better and that people shouldn't be concerned with keeping fit, just that I think often too much emphasis is put on weight in a relationship. If it was thought of as something that needed to be worked on or fixed, and not as a repulsion where sex is withheld, then maybe you wouldn't be so afraid to talk openly about it, to help address and fix the problem.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

I was overweight before I got married(20 years old), I got pregnant before I got married, too.
When I got married, my husband take care a lot of what I was eating, because he knew that everything in the pregnancy is easier if I tried not get that much weight. At the beginning, I was angry at my husband because he didn't let me eat what I liked, but them I got used to eating healthy food, and I feel much better about myself because I'm in very good shape.
well, that was the time when I learned how to eat right. I have some problem with thyroid condition,too, and I think this condition makes you a little depressed some times. But, it is all up to you! I can control those things my self, I guess you wife needs somebody to help her to control her depression and her weight as well.
I don't think he helped me with this because he didn't like me chunky :) , I think he did it because he wanted to share his future life with somebody healthy and he didn't want to share my bad eating habits.
right now, I have 2 very beautiful kids, and I haven't had any problem with my weight since I got married.

avid99..... do you really love your wife? because I don't think you do anymore. If you did, you have help her a long time ago. Because you are still there, doesn't mean you love her. it's normal you don't feel that attracted to her because of that reason, but that's not the only reason, isn't it?
and if you say she seems ok with her wait, I don't she is arguing about it. She just want some love at night?
I think if you still love her you wouldn't mind giving her want she wants.
and I think you may be attracted by other people, I'm not saying that you are cheating on her, but probably you are just comparing what you have at home and what is somewhere else.
You should tell her the true, and if she doesn't want to loose wait, then you are both waisting your time. She should find somebody that doesn't mind her been like that and you should somebody that makes you happy.
All this is not her fault(getting wait, you not been attracted to her, etc), those are things that happened and is all to you to accept , improve or ignored them. Actually, she is trying to help with therapies and talking about it. She just need to know the true about you and what she should fight for. Then, she can decide what she wants to do about your relationship.
You should have told her a long time ago your thoughts about this matter, because it's not easy to loose weight, it's easier to control it.
it's not your fault she got that much weight, neither. But, you should have spoke up on time and not to bland it on her weight.
but, I still think there are more reasons about you not been attracted to her.
let me know your thoughts ;)


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Avid00

Do what you think is truly best for yourself - that will take care of your wife.

Obesity is a life style disorder. Half of US is obese - does it mean that half of US is depressed? Well? Most are indulging, or, using the correct lingo, "celebratng the life" McDonald's style. Any excuses go. A natural propensity to follow the path of the low resistance is what the fast food industry (and others) profitably exploits. So, who is responsible? Does it matter? Take care of yourself.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

If it were only a few pounds I'd say you were being a bit harsh,but 100 pounds is quite excessive.I dont go along with everyone saying ,"Oh well,it's the thyroid" 5 people in my immediate family have a thyroid issue and none of them are fat.
Everyone gains some weight as we get older,cuz metabolism slows down and such.But clearly to gain 100 pounds is extreme and considered obese.
Also doesnt sound like depression if she has "pride" as you say in her appearance.I know alot of fat girls who also think they are awesome looking,and it is not a cover,they actually think that.In fact,the skinny girls I know have a lower self esteam then the fat ones!
I certainly hope you dont expect your wife to be actress skinny,as the average sized woman in the U.S. is a size 12.Shocking,but true.Watching tv you'd think otherwise.
I only weigh 125 pounds and still feel fat when I watch tv.
In my marriage,my husband has gained more weight then I have.(he gained sympathy weight when I had our daughter,only,he never lost it)No where near 100 pounds,but definitely a little extra luggage.I myself am still very attracted to him,if not more so.I love him and am attracted to him because he is so wonderful.
I kinda even like Doug from the King of Queens,LOL.
We all expect our marriages to be a fairytale..but real life isnt like that.If you really love your wife,on the inside~for who she is,then you should be able to see "beyond" the extra pounds.Having said that,in a nice way,you should be honest with her that too much will effect her health.
I mean,is it just the fat? cause I do know many overweight ladies who still manage to look smashing.They get their nails done,hair is done,nice clothes and even fake tans.They exsenuate the good parts (bigger boobs) and cover the fatter parts.
If your wife is merely wearing some nasty sweat pants with her all a mess and no make up~then that is something totally different.
But whose to say she wouldnt lose all the weight and look hot and leave you? I have seen it happen many times. So,just be careful what you wish for.Best of luck to you.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

It's probably going off the subject, but I happened to come across this post, and take exception to one of the remarks, "You don't get fat overnight you know, it all happens slowly over the years".

Menopause, low metabolism, not eating right and not exercising has put about 5 pounds on me in less than a year.

I'm 5'3", about 129 pounds. It's had a negative effect on my love life. My husband at times has not been tactful when I put on the weight.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

So...you weigh 129 and, essentially, your husband thinks you should weigh 124 like you did a year ago? He's in your face over this 4% fluctuation? And you think five pounds in a year is a rapid increase?

I don't buy this for a second. Either you've posted the wrong numbers, the story is incomplete, or something else is going on with you two.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Cheerful, my weight is + or - 10lbs at any given time. 5lbs is nothing. I have to agree with Asolo.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Yes, I think 5 pounds in a year is a rapid increase and yes, he does get upset over weight gain, whether it's his own or mine. He's afraid that I'm going to end up like my mother and sisters who if I were to guess, weigh around 175-200 pounds.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

If he's excited over an increase that I doubt he can even notice except for your telling him about it, I pity your life with him. I think it's wise to be concerned over one's weight and general fitness. However, what you described isn't worthy of the reaction you described as being caused by it. Seems to me you're likely both hyper-focused on the issue.

On the other side, losing five pounds is pretty easy, too. That would be about a weeks worth of paying serious attention or a month if you're as lazy about it as I am. In any event, this is a small deal. If your hubby thinks it's a big one, I repeat, you've got a different problem underlying.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

Very true. I can lose 5lbs in a week. Loss of inches is more significant than loss of lbs anyway.

A person will gain nearly .5 just from drinking 8oz of water. If you weigh yourself in the morning, you will weigh less than in the afternoon.

Your DH can worry all he likes about you ballooning up like so-and-so, but that's like worrying you'll turn into an alcoholic because you had two beers after dinner instead of one.

The weight isn't the real issue. It can't be. And if it is, pardon me, but your DH is an idiot. If you're that concerned, walk an extra 1/2-1 hour a day. Drink more water. Eat more leafy greens and whole grains and the 5lb will drop off in no time.

But the stress of worrying about it is more damaging to your health than the actual weight.

I would be worried more about the remarks he is making to you to make you lose interest in your sex life. That's a detriment to your losing weight too. Sex is a great workout!


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

It's easy. Brisk walk for an hour a day. Don't buy processed foods. Only eat fresh foods. Don't eat out at restaurants. Reduce salt intake.

It is difficult in this world we live in, with crap food all around us. But it can be done.

Weight is a health issue, not an issue about how you look.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

that is just rediculous.you have serious issues if you think five pounds in a year is alot.its pathetic.i doubt very much your husband could notice five pounds,i could lose that much by starving for a day,goodness me how stupid


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

I've never understood the willingness for women to put up with men complaining about their minuscule weight gain, nor of women constantly critiquing how men dress.

My SM constantly harps on my dads clothes choices, his haircut...etc... and it is so annoying. For goodness sake, let the man be!!!

I gained 30lbs in two years, yikes!!!! DH did not say one thing. He asked me to marry him at the top of my weight (other than when I was pregnant) and didn't say one word. I've lost most of it now, but am still in a bit of a 10lb yo-yo. And still, he doesn't say anything except how attractive he finds me. And he has never preferred heavier women.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

You posted that your wife's weight has cancelled your sex life together. Maybe it is the other way around: she doesn't want to have sex with you and a giant weight gain is a great way to accomplish that.

And you are not telling the truth to her, so maybe your wife isn't telling you, either.


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

"....he doesn't say anything except how attractive he finds me."

Smart husband!

Probably smart wife, too. : )


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RE: Her weight has killed our sex life.

5'3" and 129lb and DH says it is too heavy? what the heck? gain 5lb a year, this is not a rapid. it sounds like you and DH have deeper issues that weight. he sounds like a complete moron. and your marriage is in a bad shape (AND I don't mean physical shape), minor weight gain is the least of your problems.


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