Aww! Good stuff posted here! When I met my (to be) DH, I thought he was just another dude in the bar, someone to hang out with and have fun with till things changed. Yeah, we met in a bar - classy, huh? I also thought he was terribly arrogant and opinionated. Well, he is, kinda...but he's also awfully sweet and sensitive, though it takes some doing to see it. I knew he was a keeper when I learned about his mom. She's been in a wheelchair with a bone/nerve disease for many years, with all the ostomy stuff to boot. He visits at least once a week to wash her hair, tidy his parents' house, has dyed and permed her hair and polished her nails so she'd feel better. What kind of twenty-something guy does that? One who loves his mom and values family connections. It carries to a wife and children too - and he would never do anything to compromise our happiness or security. Family is everything to him. And if that weren't enough to melt my M&M's, I got the following statement from him recently after I'd done something really stupid and screwed up. "I could be really mad at you, but I just don't want to be." I know, it doesn't seem like much. It wasn't like I'd cheated or anything, just screwed up some family business stuff, but it was serious. His statement that harmony and acceptance in a case where good intentions weren't enough was more important than pointing a finger and holding a grudge, well, that melted my M&M's more than anything we've gone through in the past 13 years. And I will add that he's a totally gorgeous, 6'3" light-redhead with all the muscles any guy ought to need. I wish he'd lighten up more, but I couldn't ask for a better hubby.

Thanks daisy...for the reply....of all people to respond..it would be someone with a sn of Daisy....before my sister passed away...we talked about what signs I would have that she was there...and she told me to when I saw Daisies...her fav flower... I had to smile at your name just now.... I have thought a lot recently about my situation.....posting here must be cathartic.... My husband has changed a lot......maybe too much for it to be normal...healthwise...I cannot help but wonder if there is something chemically imbalanced at this point.... There is no phys. abuse....but his personality makes me feel emotionally abused...certainly he thinks he is making good financial decisions...I am fearful if he does not come to terms with my concerns...he could lose everything.... I am convinced as well, that a urologist is giving him wrong doses of testosterone treatment...maybe not enough...or too much...something is not right and I need to find out.... My situation of feeling overwhelmed by this issue is not getting any better...maybe it will take a wake up call for him to understand he needs to either get more opinions of the treatment or stop them altogether....I realized when this began...and is consistent with those treatments beginning....the dr told him it would help his overall feeling of wellbeing....what a joke Thanks again for responding....my post is a difficult one to read and know how to respond to it....so much desperation in it...but I remember what the good witch in the wizard of oz told dorothy..."you had the power to go home the whole time"

I think a new councellor is needed as this one seemed to side with your wife. A councellor should not side with anyone. I'm hesitant to say you should leave. I don't know if it is because I am siding with your wife (because I am female) or if it is because I can imagine the things she says are true. Yes, I suspect that many an affair could be like that between your wife and her ex-boss (the fact that it went on for so long). Yes, us women need (maybe not straight away but sooner or later) to feel beautiful and desirable. So, my thought is that perhaps a new councellor should be found and see how you both feel about that. And, yes, I think that your wife has to start seeing that she is 50% of the equation (not nil) but perhaps she feels guilty and this is her way of handling this guilt.

Nope, he wouldn't do it. Nor would he need to because I'd have stayed up until 4am the night before I left making sure all the laundry was done. LOL The only time he does laundry if there is some circumstance where I am out with the kids taking them to activities and realize there is something needed for one of them or me for the evening. And then I call and walk him through what settings I need, and what to use. He does a ton of other stuff though, the yard work, the dishwasher, lots of the cooking, helps with vacuuming and such. So I am A-OK with him ignoring the laundry. And prefer it as such. They are MY machines. ;)