Any childless by choice married couples out there?
Meghane
21 years ago
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Comments (106)
MatildaS
19 years agolast modified: 9 years agojamie_mt
19 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Finances for married couples
Comments (16)This is absolutely a topic where each couple has to forge the method that works best for them. There is no one right answer, no wrong one--as LONG as the couple makes their method work. I personally feel extremely strongly that couples need to keep their money separate. DH and I have been married 37 years, have always had our own accounts, our separate investments, etc--and not once EVER have we fought over money (plenty of other things, but never money). After all, being married doesn't make you one person--you don't automatically merge and start using each other's clothes, shoes, jewelry, do you? Of course not. Most couples I know have separate cars--they may occasionally use each other's car, but for the most part, each drives one more than the other. There's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping finances separate. DH and I--while both frugal and very fiscally responsible--have differing investment preferences. I can't imagine having to balance a checkbook every month that's being used willy-nilly by 2 people--it's much simpler to each have your own. Aside from the convenience factor, every person, IMO--should absolutely have enough money put away, IN THEIR OWN name so they can get along for at least 6 months or so. Any number of different disasters can affect one's ability to access community funds. Death, a split, a partner who suddenly decides to empty the joint account, legal action, etc etc etc. I've known too many older women who let their husband's manage/control the family finances who, at the worst time of their lives had to deal with not only losing their husband and planning a funeral, but having also to try to find and understand all the various investments, insurances, savings, etc. When you manage your own money, all your life, you don't have that panic to go through. As to the person who couldn't understand nor agree with individuals wanting money that they could spend without accounting for it? Well, even in the best relationships, one may want to buy the other a special gift--without having to ask for, or justify using the money. To me, as I said above--money is exactly like shoes. It does NOT adversely affect a relationship if each person keeps their shoes and money separate from the other. In our case, I have been so effective at managing my money, that even though I havne't worked full time in over 28 years, I had enough money saved, to be able to buy--on my own--our retirement home 2 years ago, and maintain it financially. I'm proud that I was able to do that for my husband. And he has so much respect for my money managing ability that he recently received a sizable inheritance that he immediately handed to me, and told me to 'do what I wanted with it'--knowing full well, I will care and grow that money for our retirement years, as I have with all other money I've gotten my hands on in the past 4 decades. I'm not saying that our method is right for all (even though I do believe everyone needs some money of their own), but I do wish to illustrate that there are many, many different methods that couples can use, that may work for them. Lastly--I have to make this point--if you knew us, you'd agree that there are few people you know in life who are more married, more devoted to each other than my DH and I--keeping money separate is NOT a detriment to a good marriage, any more than dumping it together will insure one will never get a divorce. Every couple is different, and the more important thing is that the two of you work together, agree on how you will manage money, and then follow through responsibly....See MoreSingle & Childless
Comments (18)Here is what happens when you don't meet the right person and you are 50...absolutely nothing....life goes on. This is my own personal experience. I only mentioned this because life sometimes deals you a bad hand. I am very glad to hear Carrie may have found someone. Some people get very depressed and others get over it. My sister had it both ways and loves being single. She is almost 50, no kids, no crisis. A personal crisis is created when you measure yourself against what you THINK is societies norm. Well I have found that similar groups of people in society find one another. About 90% of my friends and neighbors that I associate with are single, childless and are about 50. They never found the right person. Some of them had their moments of depression but got through it. Another "for instance" is that they are all non-smokers. Obviously that was no accident but you get my point. If you dwell on a bad situation, it can eat you alive. When you find a relationship that you thought would work out but ends up blowing up on you...the operative word to meditate on is: "NEXT"!...See MoreYoung, newly married couple, looking for reputable appliance brand
Comments (23)Folks. This JennAir (and all others) thread totally fascinates me. We have spent over 20k on JennAir appliances in two houses, mainly because we felt that we were getting the best deal for our money (we have the range reviewed at reviewed.com and have loved it, even though it is too powerful for our needs and is being vented by a JennAir microwave situated some 14-16 inches over it (stupid, but the limitations of our second/vacation home). I looked at every appliance under the sun and then some and reviewed hundreds of posts on THS and other resources. I also talked to my installer who is a certified JA, SZ, Thermador, Wolf, pretty much all high end brand installer. He tells it bluntly...ALL, yes ALL manufacturers produce lemons that require one time expensive repairs or multiple expensive repairs. He attributes it to "sick day" or "snow day" syndrome...couple of workers call in sick or fail to show up bc of inclement weather and a whole assembly line of products roll off the assembly line and get packaged after poor assembly by "scrub" workers. He has seen no more failures among JA, SZ, Thermador, etc than among any other manufactures. Now, how a manufacturer deals with a problem is another story. I have yet to call on JA for service and hopefully won't have to. My dealings with GE (and those of my parent's, as well) have been atrocious. 3 delivered dented replacement refrigerator doors (all left for me to dispose of...all had tiny dents, but GE didn't feel it was necessary to recycle any of the stainless steel they left behind for me to deal with). Also had our brand new GE fridge break within days of the 1 year warranty expiring and we had repair men fail to show up and then have to wait several weeks for replacement parts. GE tried to charge us several hundred dollars in repair fees (which we successfully fought), all on a $8-900 fridge!!! My parents have had equally exasperating experiences with GE. We had the compressor die (and I believe get replaced for free...after we sold our home) on a top of the line SZ fridge and we had a Viking 8 burner range that never really worked fantastically and that was a major, major pain to keep clean. We have two local major appliance dealers within 10 miles of us. I am incredulous that when querying both of them independently, they tell me that JA products are flying out of the stores (including complete high end packages like ours), mostly due to aggressive pricing and promotional discounts (installation subsidies and free appliances as part of a package purchase). Yet, I have never, ever, ever met a single person who owns a JA product, let alone is considering JA for their remodel. Several have not even really heard of JA!!! I was initially concerned with the reviews I read online about JA reliability and customer service, but so far, it has not been an issue. We purchased and installed the new Obsidian fridge from JA and the door had a tiny scrape in the corner where the stainless was not "buffed". JA did the right thing and replaced the door with no questions asked. They also called to make sure we received it and had it installed. See my separate post about this fridge. Luv, luv, luv it. And, it's super quiet. And a good $1500-2000 cheaper than similar models from the competition. With respect to the 9600 model of DW built by bosch, I believe it cost us $200 more than receiving the free DW that comes with a range (or cooktop and oven purchase) and it is indeed built by Bosch (for what that is worth). It had no panel, which we desired as we were going with a built in look. Honestly, no complaints here, either with this model which is nearly silent, nor with the free DW that we received with a range purchase in our other home. My wife (who really only opined about the DW and aesthetics of some other appliances) thinks the world of both DWs and is glad we did not go ahead with the FP dish drawers again. Overall, we are very satisfied customers of JA (thus far) and hope to remain as such. We're getting pestered with offers for extended warranties and I am seriously considering these given past experiences with other manufacturers and concerns about reliability. I remain puzzled by the fact that JA is not more in the vernacular when it comes to appliances, even when I hear from salespeople that people are indeed purchasing JA packages. Maybe JA's past reputation is the reason...maybe Thermador, SZ, Wolf, etc just have too much cache. But look at my review on the Obsidian fridge...I thought that internally, the SZ looked like any cheap fridge; people just marvel over the inside of the JA fridge and the layout meets our needs nearly perfectly. I'll try to upload photos when I get a chance....See MoreBoundaries? Childless stepmom
Comments (4)Thanks colleenoz, I was super uncomfortable with SD sleeping in DH’s bed and it’s actually the reason I didn’t move in until after the wedding — I told DH I wasn’t moving in until she was sleeping in her own bed, period. She does sleep in her bed at night now but has to be carried in asleep — she can’t fall asleep by herself, and I think she and BM still share a bed, so I’m sure it’s confusing to have different rules and routines. Now if he “forgets” to move her and lets her sleep in our bed, I sleep in the storage room in the basement... not caving on this one. I will definitely consider my own therapy but I don’t think I can involve DH yet. His ex (before she was an ex, obviously) asked him to go to marriage counseling essentially to “check a box” so she could tell the judge they tried to work on it and it was irreconcilable... she had secretly already hired a lawyer and was in the process of filing. I think she showed up to 3 sessions then served him. He is terrified of being left again and I think if I ask him to go to counseling he will totally break down. It’s a good suggestion in the future though, if I can gradually bring it up to him....See Morephyllis_philodendron
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