| I totally and completely understand. After DS was born (now a year old) I had a hard time getting back "in the mood". All the bio stuff, the stomach that felt like a half full water bottle covered with soft bun dough...the leaking 'milk bags' (they used to be 'fun bags'), the sleep dep, and the fact that if I even so much as *thought* about sex DS's little detector would go off and he'd start crying (I swear there was an invisible umbilical cord still attatched until he was about 6 months old)...it all just makes a girl feel oh, so sexy...(RIGHT!) OK...so don't let the kids read this...*blush* What worked for me...DH had gotten me a steam/massage for christmas (that I couldn't use 'cause I was pregnant...no steam baths allowed)...so when DS was about 3 months old I got grandma to come watch DS and I went for my spa date ($40 well spent!!). That got me relaxed...really relaxed...I felt like I million bucks...(dough belly and all)...then I planned the evening...set candles out...fed DS layed him down, closed his door, put on some soft music, closed our door. Told DH to pretend it was our first time and be really gentle 'cause I was apprehensive (the last time that area got any "action" DS was making his grand entrance). It worked...DS did wake up toward the end...but with both doors closed, and the music on we were able to 'ignore' him till we were done. (It might be hard to do...but letting him cry for a few minutes *won't* harm him.) The big thing for me was getting relaxed. If it's in the budget a 1/2 hr steam and 1/2 hr massage is well worth the $$...(DH realized how much I enjoyed the pampering and has turned it into a once a year treat. I went again this spring. :-) If you can't get away for something like that, send the kids to Grandma's/friend's/daycare for a day, (let DH know that today's his lucky day...be ready to come home when you call...) have a long soak in the tub (lots of bubbles), block out the lights, light some scented candles, put on some music, have a glass of wine (I prefer something like wild vines - not a true wine...but I prefer the taste...chilled and served in your best stemware - it's all about feeling pampered...even if you're pampering yourself). Then relax. After you're relaxed, get dressed in something *you* like, do your hair/makeup (your going on a date after all...) give your DH a call (have him bring home something for supper...don't want to ruin that relaxed feeling with cooking or dishes) have supper on the couch, relax, snuggle, flirt, do what (hopefully) comes naturally. ;-) Make sure he knows ahead of time that he's going to need to take it slowly...no quikies tonight. Oh, and if you're breast feeding, make sure you have some quality lube!! This is a necessity...it doesn't matter how 'in the mood' you may be...if you're nursing, you will likely be dry. (The things they don't tell you in the pre-natal and post-partum books...) If you've never bought lube before...go for something like ID Glide (water based so safe for condoms)...I don't recommend anything that is 'warming' (personally I think that's more for the benefit of the guy...to me it felt more like a UTI... :-P)
Actually, even if you aren't breast feeding, get some...better to have it than not, if you find you need it. Oh...and a little goes a long way...you only need a couple drops of that stuff. Don't expect fireworks the first time...it may not happen...try not to expect anything, just focus on the intimacy (and smile cause you just made your DH's day/week.) Once you get past that first time (again) you should lose the apprehension (more that, than "fear", am I right?), and you should hopefully get back to your normal frisky self. If that doesn't work...and you just can't get interested, you may want to talk to your doctor. I think it's totally normal to be disinterested in sex after having a baby...but there could also be hormonal imbalances or mild post partum depression as well..if that is the case, then your Dr. may have some suggestions of his/her own. Good Luck!
Verena |
